ALombard Posted May 10, 2010 Posted May 10, 2010 Hey everyone, so I had posted my relationship details on an earlier post. Look it up if you would like. But I'll start this one off by saying I'm not in the best place right now. For those new to my struggle, my girl of 5 years broke up with me 2 weeks ago stating that I was making her feel second best in my life. So where I'm at right now. I'm miserable, I've tried to go NC but I end up talking to her anyway. I'm losing it, I'm literally having to force myself to do normal day to day tasks (going to work, going to the gym, eating, sleeping, etc.) I've done everything to try to get her out of my head and stop missing her. I've made THE LIST, i've started working out again, I've stopped drinking every day, I've talked to friends and family. I've sat there and tried to focus on the things she did that didn't make me happy. I've tried going NC but if I don't talk to her for a day or two she will call me. So here's what has happened in the last few days. Earlier last week (off the advice of my therapist) I sent her a message over FB telling her exactly how I felt, how I was sad, how I still loved her, how I wanted her back, everything. I then finished it off with what was needed. I told her that I couldn't talk to her anymore and that I was going to move on focus on my life. Literally the next morning she calls me, I didn't pick up for a while until after about the 12th call I finally answered. She said that she was sorry for ignoring me and that she wasn't trying to and that she had just passed out early the night before. I hung up afterwards and wondered if that was the only thing she wanted to tell me why did she call me over and over again. That night I end up getting arrested over a stupid little traffic warrant, I try to call her to get bailed out and she doesn't answer. I finally get out and I send her a mean text saying, "the sex with your new guy must be pretty awesome if you couldn't pick up to get me out of jail". The next morning she calls me, a bunch. I finally text her asking whats up and she tells me that I'm an ******* and that she wasn't doing anything she got drunk and passed out. So anyway that leads to us talking more. Well this weekend I went out and had fun, I got drunk Friday night and ended up texting her asking for her back and telling her I'm sorry for the way I acted when I was with her. Well I get text Saturday afternoon from her telling me that her best friends mom just died of cancer. We talk for a little and then stop. Later that night I ask her how her friend was and she says "i dont know i'm in san diego". I reply with "your best friends mom just died and you went to san diego?". Keep in mind i wasnt trying to be malicious i was just curious (she called this woman her second mother). Well anyway she calls me and yells at me so I hang up. So here we are now. I wake up hung over and feeling bad for hanging up on her. So i text her "i'm sorry". She responds by saying "**** you *******". So we start texting and I apologize and tell her that I wasn't trying to be mean I was just really asking a question. She tells me that what I said and hanging up made her cry because how close she was to her friends mom. I apologize again. Anyway I fall asleep and she calls me an hour later. I don't pick up. I finally wake up and text her asking her why she called me. She tells me her mom is in the hospital for a hurt back and she will call me soon. DONT KNOW WHY SHE WANTED TO CALL!! I don't even ask, she calls me and tells me what happened to her mom. She tells me, we talk for a bit about her friends mom and then i ask her for a ride home from the mechanic she says yes. Later we start texting and she tells me she's going to her new boyfriends house for dinner. Then she tells me she can't give me a ride because she would feel bad. I say ok then I tell her that I'm sad because it seems like finally the relationship is dead. She tells me that it was my fault. I tell her I didn't mean for this to happen and that I'm feeling really empty and alone without her. Anyway, she tells me she has to get ready and I haven't heard from her since. What am I doing? Why is it SO hard for me to just stop talking to her? Why am I holding onto this hope that she will come back? I mean this is the 3rd time she has left me because I'm "not treating her right" and then she comes back a few months later. I love her so much and I want to be with her and I can't even think about loving someone else as much as I do her. Please someone, what else can I do. I want to get over this pain and sadness but than again I don't want to let her go completely. I'm stuck
Female Tech Posted May 11, 2010 Posted May 11, 2010 First off, I'm sure not a therapist.. these are only my thoughts after reading your post. I saw how many looked yet didn't reply and thought I'd at least offer my 2 cents. Maybe it's just how the high points in your post here make it sound, but to me it appears you both need to step back and work on yourselves. I don't know if drinking is an issue for you both, or if you just mentioned those few times here. I know drinking can change someone and of course you do things you would not normally do. Drinking can sure destroy a relationship. I also hear you say that you really miss her, but then when she said she'd call you later you say you don't know why she'd want to call you. With the way you both set up the other to respond makes it pretty clear neither of you want this connection to end. It seems as if you both were able to be friends in your relationship and both seem to need a friend to share things with and talk to.. but are doing so with each other instead of an outside party/friend which you may need right now. I would think if you both step back and do things to make yourself a person that you think the other deserves to have... better yourself so you feel you have something good to offer the other, to really think about your relationship and what went wrong that you may need to work on.. you may have a better chance of possibly one day having a relationship if that's what you want (which almost seems as if you do). No matter what, I hope you can make some decisions soon that allow you to move forward. I know the pain can be unbearable at times, but hang in there and get the support you need. There are so many great threads here to read and many would be helpful to you too, I'm sure of it. <Hugz>
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