Sassafras Posted May 10, 2010 Posted May 10, 2010 Today makes 2 months since he left, completely out of the blue (short but intense 3 month relationship). I can't tell you how many tears I've shed over this man. How many times I've wondered what I did to make him leave, or why I wasn't desirable enough to make him stay. I've spent every day going over and over again in my head the possibilities of why he left. I was convinced from the get go that it was financial reasons (he has MAJOR problems there) and not me, but that didn't make the pain of being apart any easier. With the exception of a couple of times, I went NC. I held onto the hope that he'd realize with a little time what a good woman he had and what a mistake he had made. This has truly been one of the most painful times in my life and I've been through my share of break-ups before. I truly thought we had something. He told me in the beginning about his past. He slept with a lot of women before he got to me. And I mean a lot. If you were a friend who needed sex, he was the guy they came to. I caught a glimpse of the condoms in his nightstand (wowser) and that's when he told me. We all have a past so I decided to take him at his word when he said that he was tired of that lifestyle and was ready for something more. He's 38 by the way.. Fastforward to this weekend. Curiosity got the better of me so I had a friend "friend" him on FB (I know, I know, the evil FB). I had to know what was going on in his world since we split. Bear in mind that I braced myself for what I might see. I didn't go into this with the expectation that his wall would be filled with "I miss her sooo much", etc. (although that would have been nice to see). I simply had to know how he was doing, one way or the other, so that I could move on. Let me say, that I was absolutely disgusted at what I saw. Several comments to the effect of having someone "make him feel better" after he hurt his back, having to "find other ways to pass the time" when his TV died, and referring to this poor girl who will likely end up as nothing more than another notch on his long bed post as "this little hottie" (he referred to me by name from the beginning). My stomach dropped and I wanted to vomit. He's a 38 year old man discussing his sexual exploits on FB. Granted it's his page and he can do whatever the hell with it that he chooses, but it's still disgusting. I've come to the conclusion that I never really knew him. He may have thought he wanted a relationship when we met (he never talked that way about me or anyone else that I could see on FB). I think he just doesn't want anything more than casual sex. Nothing wrong with that, but this person is a complete 180 from the one that I thought I knew. He makes me f*****g sick. I wish I had listened to my gut when we first met and I found out about his past. The one that said this guy will never be able to commit...RUN! I regret ever knowing him. I regret every second I ever spent with him. So, I've now come to the angry phase of this grieving process of mine. I completely deleted him out of my phone, will never check his FB page again (I know all I need to know), and am glad he let me go when he did instead of 6 months down the road. Am I still sad? Unfortunately yes. I will grieve for the person I thought he was for a little while longer, but I'll move on and I'll be okay. I know that for a fact now. I'm glad to have this newfound knowledge about him and the anger that comes with it. I can quit making excuses for him. He didn't leave because of financial reasons, poor guy. He didn't leave because he's been hurt so much in the past and was scared. The truth is that he left because he's a dog, who'll never change his ways and will most likely spend his life alone. And you know what? He'll deserve every second of it... Thanks for letting me vent guys.
amz Posted May 10, 2010 Posted May 10, 2010 Hes sounds like a pig, Sorry but it is the truth, he will realise one day what he let go and by then you would of moved on. No Contact hun! move on forget about him and start to live your new life. They always come back once you have moved on and it is the best feeling in the world when all you can do is laugh at them. I hope you feel better No Contact is for the best.
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