cantsleep02 Posted January 23, 2004 Posted January 23, 2004 I have been with my girlfriend for about 2 years, we isolated ourselves together and it wasnt really that healthy to do. Besides from that I used to get mad at her for some things, like how when i met her she acted like sex was nothing and that she had done it before alot, but later found out she was a virgin and was raped and couldnt tell me and had lied to me because thats just what she did, but i had a hard time with that too but things had gotten alot better and we eneded up loving eachother alot up to the point where if she hadnt seen me for a day she would miss me too much, i told her i loved her but there were alot of times where i would be driving to her house or even holdiung her where i would think to myself that i didnt love her and i wish i could leave but i couldnt for some rteason. We stopped seeeing our friends and i used to also get mad at her in the beggining for seeing this guy friend who was her best friend and it always made me feel uncomfortable, but it had gotten better for me along the way because she had stopped seeing him, she always would tell me shed love me forever, there never could be anybody else and there never would be, she told me if i had broken up with her she would go insane and wouldnt be able to live without me, i had made half-ass attempts to break up with her and shed just cry and id end up staying, just about 1 month ago things got nuts and seemed to come out of nowhere. She would talk to me and make plans but wouldnt show up this went on for a , even on x-mas eve and new years, and i would get frustrated and wonder what was going on and where she was, and then she kept saying she doesnt know if she could do this anymore, but always would say she wants to marry me and my babies, which i thought was kind of disturbing but didnt say anything, so we made plans about a week later without having seen eachother that week and when she called to say she was coming over now i asked her what was going on, not mad or anything, and things like that and she just said "i cant do it, i cant see you now" out of nowhere on the phone, even while this was happening id love her when i talked to her on the phone but when i saw her it was different, we did go to the movies one time just to hang out so we could be normail for that dayand shed tell me sheloves me and everything but it didnt feel like we were "together" like normally, then we finnially saw eachother after about 2 weeks after and i told her some problems im having and that im going to therapy because of things in my past that really damaged me in alot of ways, and i thought it was ok, it felt like i loved her again for some reason and we kept telling eachother that we love eachother alot and that this is forever, but 2 nights later she made plans with me to see me before she had to babysit but ended up going straight to babysitting and not calling me and i havent spoken to her for about a week and am wondering what to think and do, its really frustrating, should i be mad at her? she just disapeared. I never really talked around her family (im not really that shy, its just i have alot of social anxiety and dont know what to say, and also paranoia, depression) but i havent been seeing much of my friends and i think i need new ones so no one is really there for me, i havent been able to sleep because of whats going on and i just want to know what to think. I have a bad feeling shes trying to think of ways to hate me, but i dont even know, i feel like im in the twilight zone. I want to be with her more than i ever have ever and miss her alot more than i ever thouight i would.
meanon Posted January 29, 2004 Posted January 29, 2004 You both seem to have been very ambivalent about the relationship - dependent/loving and then wanting to break free. I'm sure there was love too but your respective problems prevented you from being sure about how you felt about the other and from being happy. On some level maybe you both knew that isolating yourself from others was a destructive thing to do (that's one of the reasons you are feeling so low now) and that you needed to break free to get over your problems. It's hard to be the one who'se been left - even if you have tried to leave yourself - it must reinforce the bad feelings. I think the way to cope is to continue with the therapy, tell yourself that you both needed this break from the relationship and it may just as well have been you that made this decision, reconnect with old friends and make new ones, try to do whatever it takes to get through this low patch - it will pass. The way she left must hurt too but maybe she couldn't cope with a personal confrontation, maybe she worried she would change her mind. Those are her issues - don't take them upon yourself.
Recommended Posts