asrgal Posted May 10, 2010 Posted May 10, 2010 If you are the kind that eventually wants to get married, and you know this is the right person for you, and what point do you think it is OK to get some answers, make some plans? How would you handle a situation like this? Am I maybe asking for too much? here is what my story is: My bf and I have been together for 4 years. We met each other families, he is very involved with my children as I am with his. We pretty much do everything together. We have been talking about marriage (this would be 2nd time for both of us), well I am feeling ready for the next step, a commitment...marriage is important to me. And he says he can see being married to me, but that he has a few of his own things he needs to resolve. I know he wants to pay off his debts etc. but we both have good jobs. What is the waiting here? What is the thought process? I am starting to loose little of my self worth, I know sounds crazy, but I don't understand what he needs to resolve?
xxoo Posted May 10, 2010 Posted May 10, 2010 I don't understand what he needs to resolve? He should be able to clearly explain to you what the issue are he needs to resolve. At this point (understanding from your other thread that you are in your 30s-40s), you should know if marriage is going to happen, and when. Not necessarily a date, but a target time line (pay off these debts by X date, do this by Y date, be married by year Z). If he is feeling unsure about marriage (to you, or to anyone), you deserve to know that now, so you can either let the issue go, or move onto someone else.
Enema Posted May 10, 2010 Posted May 10, 2010 Did he get financially burnt in the first divorce? 70+% of second marriages fail... I can see why he'd be hesitant to jump in again if that's the case.
ADF Posted May 10, 2010 Posted May 10, 2010 A man who is unwilling to make a commitment after 4 years--4 YEARS!--together is probably a man who doesn't wany to commit at all. There could be a lot of reasons for this. Maybe he is haunted by memories from his divorce. Or maybe he just doesn't want to commit. Plenty of men would never make a commitment if they didn't feel they had to. They'd be prefectly happy justing drifting along, sort of "hanging out" with a woman forever. In any case, 4 years is plenty of time to make up your mind about someone. I think you deserve a straight answer.
SarahRose Posted May 11, 2010 Posted May 11, 2010 You deserve a straight answer now. 4 years is plenty of time. Chances are if he hasn't asked he doesn't intend to. He may be very content with the regular sex and companionship.
Eeyore79 Posted May 11, 2010 Posted May 11, 2010 I think four years is plenty of time. I'd expect a proposal any time from one year onwards, tbh. I can see why he might be reluctant if he's been married before, but he's had plenty of time to think about it and to know whether or not he loves you. You deserve to know what issues he thinks he needs to resolve - they are probably irrelevant to marriage, and he is just making excuses.
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