I'm so bad when it comes to talking

[Gunn]

Hey everyone -

 

I was laying awake in bed few days ago when I realized that I'm ridiculously bad when it comes to talk to girls. I'm 28yo and I might say that I'm quite good looking - at least girls tend to gather around me when I'm partying. However, I'm so bad at talk to them, that I usually just go on dancing as I don't know what to say to them. Let's look at two short examples from this weekend.

 

There was a girl that I met few weeks back at the same club as I on Saturday, and she said hi to me. I said hi back - and then we had the awkward moment. I completely froze and she didn't say anything more either. I would have loved to talk to her a little.

 

Another girl that I find very attractive was at this same club later the same night and we had some eye contact. That's when she and 2 of her friends came over and danced with me and my friends. 2 minutes later - her friends disappeared and left the girl with me. That is probably the clearest sign of interest in the history. But what do I do - just go on dancing until she realizes that I'm not talking to her - just dancing, and she leaves to find her girlfriends back.

 

This is starting to get a little bit annoying and I just can't figure out why I'm like this - because normally when I'm just with my friends, I'm the funny social butterfly in the group.

 

Do you guys have any recommendations for me or articles or websites that I maybe could read to improve my skills.

 

Thank you all for reading

[Rorschach]

Part of my job is being really good at talking to people. I have to be a bit of a salesman at times, this is a skill which translates very nicely to dating as it took down alot of the mental barriers which are currently keeping you from communicating like you want. So I'm just going to give you a few pointers.

 

First off, tell me if I'm wrong but I think the reason you don't talk to girls much right now is because you have 0 confidence in your ability to talk to them, this makes you want to avoid the situation entirely and simply not talk to them out of fear of making yourself look silly. But you're already looking fairly silly by not saying anything, so the best way to get over this is to realize this and improve your actual communications skills.

 

First and foremost learn some basic personality types, I know tons of different systems for personalities but the easiest one I find is called the STAR system, it splits people into 4 basic personality types and you learn how to easily identify and respond to each type in a way that they find positive. It's way to complicated a system for me to teach over the internet but you can find any number of free personality type websites out there with different tricks. Read through all the personality types and seriously try to figure out what each of your friends are and think of how you might need to talk to them.

 

Just as an example I'm a type T personality in the system I use, this is a theory based personality. I like heavy abstract thoughts and dislike any decisions based heavily on emotion instead of logic. As such if you were to talk to me about an emotional subject, say PETA and mistreatment of animals, I'm liable to become confrontational because that is a touchy subject to me, while a type R personality might feel a strong connection with you because that is something very important to them. (Ironically often type Ts marry type Rs, go figure)

 

Here are a couple basic things I've learned that will help, ASK QUESTIONS. The person who asks the questions controls the conversation, if you are in control of the conversation and you learn to be competent while in control things go alot easier.

 

in general people's favorite topic of conversation is themselves, easiest way to start a conversation is to simply ask a question about something she's wearing that comes off as interesting.

 

Your biggest roadblocks here are all mental, if you need anything more specific than my general advice feel free to ask.

[m12]

I'm the same way. The worst part is knowing exactly what I should say, but then freezing up. It has cost me in many ways.