teanoranges Posted May 10, 2010 Posted May 10, 2010 My life is going really well. Surprisingly. I'm getting scared of being so stress free to tell you the truth.. almost like I'm looking over my shoulder because it just can't be real.. haha. As some know, I've contemplated initiating friendly contact with the ex. I decided against it. I am in that 'blah' stage. Well, today I found out he's still with his girl. He's been with her 6 months officially (as long as we've been NC) but sort of with her for like what 8? who knows probably banging her secretly longer. Its tough because he never went that long with pure love for me without 'breaks' And it really makes me feel like it was ME. I mean, why didn't he love me? Was I THAT boring? But at the same time, I'm like 'oh well, sh*t happens. move on' 'this was bound to happen one day' 'time to let go girl' you know the drill. It was a real wake-up call because I'm pretty sure they'll last a good while. They could even marry, who knows. I wish I had someone to hold and be next to. But good things come to those who wait, right? NC... here I stay.
northstar1 Posted May 10, 2010 Posted May 10, 2010 Good on you for sticking to NC. I know it's hard, trust me. Sounds like the guy just wasn't a very good partner and it wouldn't have been something that would have been healthy. Keep your head up, you'll get there.
Author teanoranges Posted May 10, 2010 Author Posted May 10, 2010 Thanks Northstar, I really need the motivation... On another note.... sadly: Omg, I can't believe these feelings are resurfacing right now. I can't believe how much anger I am feeling towards him at this very moment. He's probably loving her so much, doing everything with her that I asked him to do with me without any hassle... he's also no doubt showing her off in a way he was never proud enough to do with me. And I don't understand at all. You know, why did he bother saying things like how no one will ever compare to me, no one will ever know him as well as me, etc, etc. Why would he make me love him and feel like he loved me so much and so special if he was going to do this... if he was even capable of loving someone else and forgetting about me all together. I feel so worthless, so unlovable. And I loved him with more passion and more of my soul than I ever thought imaginable. He was my knight, he was my prince, he was my adam. I accepted all. I fought for him. I believed in him... and it wasn't enough. There's those tears.
northstar1 Posted May 10, 2010 Posted May 10, 2010 Yeah, I do know where you are coming from. My ex and I both told each other we'd never met someone we clicked with so easily and how we were so glad to not have to go on any more '1st dates' again. But that person who said those things no longer exists. She decided she didn't want the relationship anymore and just walked away without looking back. It's hard not to look back and think of all those good times and the promises, but I'm trying to stop, because I realize I can't see the road ahead if I'm looking in the rearview mirror. Just try and remember that they did and are doing these things because they ultimately were not the right person for us, who was willing to stick by us through the good times and the bad, and in the end, they looked out for themselves. Just remember you are loveable and you will love again and there is someone out there who is the right one. I know it is hard to think there is, but it will happen. A few years back, I had an awful break that left me broken for months. I was convinced I'd never find someone else like her. And although it did take time, I did meet someone else and found the capacity to love again. So keep that faith that you will find happiness again.
USMCHokie Posted May 10, 2010 Posted May 10, 2010 Northstar, you speak very wise words... And tea, I'm glad things are going so well, and I'm glad you decided to maintain NC...that means no boat paddle for you!
Author teanoranges Posted May 10, 2010 Author Posted May 10, 2010 thanks guys. ^_^ I'm a master of NC at the moment! haha. I've been doing really good and don't really remember thinking about said-ex, until yesterday of course... when I was smacked in the face with a bag of bricks by someone else's words... I seriously, literally, wish I could hit my ex in the face with a bag of bricks right about now.. how nice that would feel...
Heatemyheart89 Posted May 10, 2010 Posted May 10, 2010 thanks guys. ^_^ I'm a master of NC at the moment! haha. I've been doing really good and don't really remember thinking about said-ex, until yesterday of course... when I was smacked in the face with a bag of bricks by someone else's words... I seriously, literally, wish I could hit my ex in the face with a bag of bricks right about now.. how nice that would feel... Theres a facebook group: i really want to smash you in the face with a brick lol . Not that I advocate violence To the OP good on you I feel soooo much better going NC if I break it I only get told I dont want to be with you just leave it so its not worth it!
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