Rorschach Posted May 9, 2010 Posted May 9, 2010 This is going to be 50% rant and 50% asking for advice, so feel free to just disregard me if you feel so inclined. I'm about half way through a big physical change in my body, as many of you probably know. For right or wrong I'm of the opinion that I'm simply not going to find a girl until I've finished my change. Partly because I'm not attractive enough as is, but mostly because I don't have enough confidence in myself to actively look. That is neither here nor there but it somewhat sets the stage for what I'm about to go into. I'll just say it, I love being loved, I love loving others, I love being in love, I love everything about relationships, I'm of a very romantic, caring, physically affectionate, and most of all loving personality. I feel, either truthfully or not I can't say, that I make a fantastic boyfriend and lover. I'm very aware of her needs and part of me just loves the feeling of filling her needs in addition to my own. When love is that important to you, not having it, and not having a possibility of it for months yet is very draining on the soul. I come onto LS for a form of release which is also a double edged sword in that the object of my affection, that ever elusive relationship, is right in front of me, and constantly taunts at my mind. I've become almost afraid in a sense that when I finally am in a position to meet somebody, and go out and actually accomplish my goals, that I'm going to be so pent up and eager I'm going to come on way too strong and just completely blow my chance, hah. Of course after doing that once, maybe even a couple of times, I'm sure I'll settle down, but it is something I've had on my mind. I guess what I really want to know is, who out there is of the same personality as me and just feels empty without a significant other in your life? Have you ever been in a position where you felt there was no way to fill that hole in your life, and how did you deal with it? I don't know, maybe these ramblings aren't even cohesive, anyway thanks for reading.
brainygirl Posted May 10, 2010 Posted May 10, 2010 I think all us who are single most of the time feel this way sometimes. I feel this way sometimes. I've got the job, the house, the car, and even the great kids and funny dog, but something is still missing. don't know what to tell you to feel better though.
allina Posted May 10, 2010 Posted May 10, 2010 I don't think I have any great advice, sorry. I just wanted to say that you come across as extremely likable, and as long as you keep working on the confidence you should have no problem having someone fall in love with you.
Author Rorschach Posted May 10, 2010 Author Posted May 10, 2010 I don't think I have any great advice, sorry. I just wanted to say that you come across as extremely likable, and as long as you keep working on the confidence you should have no problem having someone fall in love with you. Thanks thats really nice to hear, one of my favorite parts about myself is my personality and my communication skills, I'm hoping your right and that once I fixed some of my problem areas I shouldn't have a hard time finding somebody.
Ruby Slippers Posted May 10, 2010 Posted May 10, 2010 I'm in a similar spot, as I don't feel I'm ready to get into another serious relationship right now. I'd like to make some progress in my career, finances, music, and other areas first. I know well that it can be a very lonely road. But what I keep coming back to is that when I am ready to love again, I'm going to be coming from a position of strength. I think there's immense value in being alone and learning to be OK with it. It helps you see your own bad habits, strengths, tendencies. It helps you build your self-esteem from within, rather than leaning on another person for it. It means you always know that you can handle being on your own. Also, it's sometimes really nice not to have to worry about anyone but you. It's a great time to do all those things you don't have time to do when you're in a relationship. And I think that when we do love again and we find great partners, we will value the relationships all the more. A friend sent me this video recently, a guy talking about being OK being single:
USMCHokie Posted May 10, 2010 Posted May 10, 2010 I guess what I really want to know is, who out there is of the same personality as me and just feels empty without a significant other in your life? Have you ever been in a position where you felt there was no way to fill that hole in your life, and how did you deal with it? Rorshach, again, I commend you for all the positive changes you are making in your life. It's both motivating and inspirational to all of those on LS that are keeping up with your story over these months. However, I have to say that the above bolded statement is not a strong character quality to have, and it is something you really have to work hard to shake off. Consider it another "weight" that you must shed. I know it's cliched and said time and time again, but you cannot be happy or healthy in a fulfilling relationship unless you are able to be complete and whole being alone. If you are truly "empty" without a significant other, then what the hell do you have to offer that special person besides your emptiness...? You fill that hole by completing yourself...with yourself...become a whole person that can stand proudly and confidently on his own...and some day, someone else's life will benefit from being with you...a whole person that has plenty to offer...not an empty shell waiting for someone to "complete him"...
Author Rorschach Posted May 10, 2010 Author Posted May 10, 2010 Rorshach, again, I commend you for all the positive changes you are making in your life. It's both motivating and inspirational to all of those on LS that are keeping up with your story over these months. However, I have to say that the above bolded statement is not a strong character quality to have, and it is something you really have to work hard to shake off. Consider it another "weight" that you must shed. I know it's cliched and said time and time again, but you cannot be happy or healthy in a fulfilling relationship unless you are able to be complete and whole being alone. If you are truly "empty" without a significant other, then what the hell do you have to offer that special person besides your emptiness...? You fill that hole by completing yourself...with yourself...become a whole person that can stand proudly and confidently on his own...and some day, someone else's life will benefit from being with you...a whole person that has plenty to offer...not an empty shell waiting for someone to "complete him"... I see your point, I don't really feel as if I'm not a whole and complete person in that sense, there is alot going on in my life outside relationships. Just sitting here and thinking about it I think this incomplete feeling comes not from the fact that I don't have a SO, but because of my percieved inability to get one. I think (and only time will tell) that in august when I've made marked improvements in my physical appearance and am, for lack of better phrase, 'on the hunt' I think I'd be fulfilled. I get the feeling that my own dissatisfaction with myself is whats causing me to feel empty. I know it's not a healthy attitude to have about oneself but I really feel unwanted as far as relationships go. And that unwanted feeling makes me feel like something I consider so important, that relationship, is forever out of reach. Even if I didn't have a relationship but was in a position where i COULD, I'd probably feel alot better. Something to think about I guess.
Frontliner Posted May 10, 2010 Posted May 10, 2010 This is going to be 50% rant and 50% asking for advice, so feel free to just disregard me if you feel so inclined. I'm about half way through a big physical change in my body, as many of you probably know. For right or wrong I'm of the opinion that I'm simply not going to find a girl until I've finished my change. Partly because I'm not attractive enough as is, but mostly because I don't have enough confidence in myself to actively look. That is neither here nor there but it somewhat sets the stage for what I'm about to go into. I'll just say it, I love being loved, I love loving others, I love being in love, I love everything about relationships, I'm of a very romantic, caring, physically affectionate, and most of all loving personality. I feel, either truthfully or not I can't say, that I make a fantastic boyfriend and lover. I'm very aware of her needs and part of me just loves the feeling of filling her needs in addition to my own. When love is that important to you, not having it, and not having a possibility of it for months yet is very draining on the soul. I come onto LS for a form of release which is also a double edged sword in that the object of my affection, that ever elusive relationship, is right in front of me, and constantly taunts at my mind. I've become almost afraid in a sense that when I finally am in a position to meet somebody, and go out and actually accomplish my goals, that I'm going to be so pent up and eager I'm going to come on way too strong and just completely blow my chance, hah. Of course after doing that once, maybe even a couple of times, I'm sure I'll settle down, but it is something I've had on my mind. I guess what I really want to know is, who out there is of the same personality as me and just feels empty without a significant other in your life? Have you ever been in a position where you felt there was no way to fill that hole in your life, and how did you deal with it? I don't know, maybe these ramblings aren't even cohesive, anyway thanks for reading. You are a wonderful person with a beautiful soul. You have an attractiveness that oozes through every pore and overwhelms your very being. You will have no problems attracting a mate and maintaining a fulfilling relationship.
Ihavenoidea Posted May 10, 2010 Posted May 10, 2010 I can completely relate. I have been in several relationships both long and short but when I get out of one sometimes I feel like I move to fast or strong and I think I do. I have no problem meeting woman or asking them out. I came out of a relationship that lasted 8 months and I am dating again. My problem is I do move too fast and I pretty much have to come here to have people tell me to slow down. My bet is that you probably will move too fast, m advice is just com here to have people to tell you to slow down like me because half the time I dont realize im doing it until they say they arent interested anymore.
SouthernSunshine Posted May 12, 2010 Posted May 12, 2010 I think you have to be able to love yourself, and be completely content with being alone. If you like the person you're alone with.. then other people will like you too.
Author Rorschach Posted May 12, 2010 Author Posted May 12, 2010 I think you have to be able to love yourself, and be completely content with being alone. If you like the person you're alone with.. then other people will like you too. My contentedness and positivity with myself is very similiar to a roller coaster, it goes up and down seemingly at random. The 'up' swings are getting longer and longer as my body looks better and better. The two events are definitely related and I know that I'm going to just feel great about myself all the time in a matter of months (I'm closing in on being under 250 pounds, that will be the lightest I've been since junior high! (well, minus a 3 month stretch where I was 230 but didn't even realize I was 230 until it was over) And I definitely look better than I ever have before already, a little bit of toned muscle goes a LONG way. So I'm pretty sure I like myself! At least right now (I'm on an up-swing, yay, last week was a down swing though haha) EDIT: oh almost forgot, frontliner that was a very touching post, thanks.
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