No excitment, direction, or passion in life

[DudeMan27]

I will be turning 28 in a few weeks, been unemployed since November and fighting the pain of a breakup from 13 long months ago. I admittedly havent been looking for work as much as I should, but thats because I do not know what I want, and want to take this opportunity to really do something that makes me happy and change my life. Probably is, I really don't have a clue what that is.

 

I live in a small town and the entertainment options are getting stale. Every time I go out, its guaranteed to see the same people week after week. Its hard to meet new people. My best friends are starting to settle down and work tons. So weekends all they want to do is sit on their couch. Never wanting to go anywhere. I've been going out to dinner alot by myself recently. I worry because I feel myself starting to resent the people that I used to have the time of my life with no matter what we did. Most of my days involve going to the gym, home to eat dinner by myself, and either sitting alone at home at night, or going somewhere by myself to watch a game or something. When I am at home alone, I almost want to cry im so bored. I am so fed up with my life right now, and have no idea how to change it.

 

The problem started this time last year when my gf broke up with me. She lived an hour away in a much bigger city. She had tons and tons of friends from all over the world. Not a day went by when we did not have something to do. Her family was wonderful as well. I was meeting new people, in a new city all the time. It was great. The problem was I had some self esteem issues and it affected our relationship. I didnt take the relationship as serious as I should have, often ignoring minor problems which just made them worse and not communicating. It pushed her away and hurt her. As soon as we broke up is when my friends began not going out, not calling as much because they were too busy in their own lives. I went from having plans every single night, to struggling just to find a reason to leave the couch.

 

I haev a small family, no siblings and my step father passed away 3 years ago. Even holidays people dont really want to get together. I loved it with my ex because her family was so big and close, I hadnt been apart of something like that before. My step dad left me a bunch of money to buy a house, which I did. The house is gorgeous but in a terrible neighborhood. My mom did tons of work on the house to get her mind off her loss. Now she has to help with my bills because I do not have a job. She says she will buy the house back for the money I invested if I find a job elsewhere. I feel like if I do not move now, I will be in my 30's with no girl, and my only options on weekends will be sitting on the couch with my friends and their significant others. Its impossible to meet any new people in this town.

 

The problem is, I feel like Im letting my mother down if i sell the house. She worked so hard on it to help jump start me to my life on my own. I want to maybe move to that bigger city an hour away, but how can I do that when she lost her husband and I'm her only son? I sometimes take my frustration out on her and I feel terrible. She doesnt understand that I need to get out in order for my life to be more exciting. She doesnt know how empty I feel.

 

This is getting long and I'm having trouble putting my thoughts together. But my point is A: I dont even know how to begin finding a decent job in a city I didnt grow up in. B: If I did, I'm not sure I have the guts to move up there. (how could I leave an amazing house to live in a tiny apartment?) and C: I dont even know what will make me happy. Is it meeting new people? Just having a different atmosphere? I just no nothing currently in my life is doing the job. Even one of my biggest passions in my life since I was 4 years old, hockey and my favorite team, is doing great and I dont even get the same joy out of it that I used too. I dont have the passion for things I used too. I feel like the fire and life has been sucked out of me and I dont know how to get it back.

 

It just eats me alive thinking this time last year, I had a beautiful woman with me, total excitement in my life, friends, laughter. And here i am a year later, no job, missing her, and wondering if i should just pick up my life and start over. When I had it all right there for me. Now I struggle to even get my friends to go out to dinner. I spend holidays alone because my small family just eats and takes off. My day is the same thing over and over, and it mostly involves me being alone.

[pureinheart]

I will be turning 28 in a few weeks, been unemployed since November and fighting the pain of a breakup from 13 long months ago. I admittedly havent been looking for work as much as I should, but thats because I do not know what I want, and want to take this opportunity to really do something that makes me happy and change my life. Probably is, I really don't have a clue what that is.

 

I live in a small town and the entertainment options are getting stale. Every time I go out, its guaranteed to see the same people week after week. Its hard to meet new people. My best friends are starting to settle down and work tons. So weekends all they want to do is sit on their couch. Never wanting to go anywhere. I've been going out to dinner alot by myself recently. I worry because I feel myself starting to resent the people that I used to have the time of my life with no matter what we did. Most of my days involve going to the gym, home to eat dinner by myself, and either sitting alone at home at night, or going somewhere by myself to watch a game or something. When I am at home alone, I almost want to cry im so bored. I am so fed up with my life right now, and have no idea how to change it.

 

The problem started this time last year when my gf broke up with me. She lived an hour away in a much bigger city. She had tons and tons of friends from all over the world. Not a day went by when we did not have something to do. Her family was wonderful as well. I was meeting new people, in a new city all the time. It was great. The problem was I had some self esteem issues and it affected our relationship. I didnt take the relationship as serious as I should have, often ignoring minor problems which just made them worse and not communicating. It pushed her away and hurt her. As soon as we broke up is when my friends began not going out, not calling as much because they were too busy in their own lives. I went from having plans every single night, to struggling just to find a reason to leave the couch.

 

I haev a small family, no siblings and my step father passed away 3 years ago. Even holidays people dont really want to get together. I loved it with my ex because her family was so big and close, I hadnt been apart of something like that before. My step dad left me a bunch of money to buy a house, which I did. The house is gorgeous but in a terrible neighborhood. My mom did tons of work on the house to get her mind off her loss. Now she has to help with my bills because I do not have a job. She says she will buy the house back for the money I invested if I find a job elsewhere. I feel like if I do not move now, I will be in my 30's with no girl, and my only options on weekends will be sitting on the couch with my friends and their significant others. Its impossible to meet any new people in this town.

 

The problem is, I feel like Im letting my mother down if i sell the house. She worked so hard on it to help jump start me to my life on my own. I want to maybe move to that bigger city an hour away, but how can I do that when she lost her husband and I'm her only son? I sometimes take my frustration out on her and I feel terrible. She doesnt understand that I need to get out in order for my life to be more exciting. She doesnt know how empty I feel.

 

This is getting long and I'm having trouble putting my thoughts together. But my point is A: I dont even know how to begin finding a decent job in a city I didnt grow up in. B: If I did, I'm not sure I have the guts to move up there. (how could I leave an amazing house to live in a tiny apartment?) and C: I dont even know what will make me happy. Is it meeting new people? Just having a different atmosphere? I just no nothing currently in my life is doing the job. Even one of my biggest passions in my life since I was 4 years old, hockey and my favorite team, is doing great and I dont even get the same joy out of it that I used too. I dont have the passion for things I used too. I feel like the fire and life has been sucked out of me and I dont know how to get it back.

 

It just eats me alive thinking this time last year, I had a beautiful woman with me, total excitement in my life, friends, laughter. And here i am a year later, no job, missing her, and wondering if i should just pick up my life and start over. When I had it all right there for me. Now I struggle to even get my friends to go out to dinner. I spend holidays alone because my small family just eats and takes off. My day is the same thing over and over, and it mostly involves me being alone.

 

This is a hard one...I understand where you are coming from...it's called depression...pure and simple...I am really led to tell you that your situation will change WITHOUT having to relocate (you take yourself with you where ever you go anyway). I believe a bunch of miracles are coming your way...when they do please post them....k....I really feel this strong. ((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))

[The Corn]

Hey dudeman, can you rent it out, and then go find an apartment??

 

This is what my sis did. But that depends on how "rentable" your neighborhood is. Are there ANYTHING in that area that somebody might need a place to stay there?

 

Then you can put an ad on craigslists or wherever. I'm in a big city (LA) so here, you can always find people needing to rent out a room. So you find like 3 peopoe.. that covers your monthly costs.. and you can just go rent an apartment anywhere you want.

 

I dunno if that'll work for you.. but could be an option.

[Tethys]

Is there someone you know in a big city? Even if you don't know them too well, give them a call and tell them you're looking to move to a big city. Maybe they can show you around a bit and you could see if you like it. If they go out (or know poeple who do) you already have a group of people you could start meeting people through. Then it's a matter of finding a job. It sounds like you're a social kind of person based on what you said about liking your former g/f's big family and large network of friends (I"m the opposite--would rather be alone most of the time), so it would probably be easy for you to meet people. And being young in the city is the perfect combination to meet people. You should give it a try. The hardest part would be making the leap, but if you test the waters (maybe try a couple different cities if you can), you'll probably love it.

 

Best of luck.

[Belle Vie]

Not that I'd ever recommend a two-hour round trip commute to work under normal conditions, but this might call for something like that.

 

This is not an "either-or" situation. That is, "either I sell the house and leave or I keep the house and stay." An hour away is far, but it's not TOO far, to keep the house, look for a job in the city, and if you got the job, just commute for a while. (I live in a medium-size city, and I know people who commute 45 minutes each way and they actually live IN the metropolitan area....I know someone else who commutes TWO hours EACH WAY, because he wants to live in the country but earn city wages.)

 

If you made enough money at your new job, you could even rent a small, inexpensive apartment in the city for a while, while also keeping your house. You could just come home on the weekend, if you wanted.

 

Then, after a while, if you liked city living, you could take the bigger step of renting out your house, or then selling it if the time was right. Do you have family who would be willing to buy it? That would be your first step--perhaps it could stay in the family.

 

OR, reverse this. Get a job where you are so you can have some money in your pocket, and then go up to the city on the weekends for fun--do things that would FORCE you to meet people (volunteer somewhere, join a club that suits your interests....heck go to CHURCH! But join something group-oriented). Then you would start to meet people in the city and begin to build a base of friends. Once you know more people, you might have more confidence in making the decision to make the change.

 

Again, there are more solutions here than just the two you're considering. You don't have to make a big leap all at once. You can try it out in smaller steps. Think about ALL of your options.

[Not the love ace]

My best friends are starting to settle down and work tons. So weekends all they want to do is sit on their couch. Never wanting to go anywhere.

 

I have this issue with some friends. I have one friend who ALWAYS is down to go out and hang but unfortunately his immaturity is just overwhelming for me sometimes that I can't always hang out with him and at times I don't even want to. He can be a bit negative at times and can indirectly put me or bring me down with him.

 

As for my other friends, they seem to be in a rush to settle down and not hang out anymore and let their youth pass by them. They're all focused on having kids by the age of 25 and having a family and such. Which is okay, but at the same time I feel like they are all doing it for the wrong reasons.

 

 

When I am at home alone, I almost want to cry im so bored. I am so fed up with my life right now, and have no idea how to change it.

 

Trust me, I been there and done that. If you can cry, cry because it will oddly relieve all the stress you've had. I hate that feeling off being home on a Friday or Saturday night and being stuck at home because no one wants to hang out and are too lazy to do ANYTHING. What bothers me even more is that when I go out into the city and walk around by myself, I get even lonelier sometimes watching all the people hangout with their friends at a club, bar, lounge and these are the SAME people who complain about not having any friends. The same people who take their social circles for granted.

 

 

 

The problem started this time last year when my gf broke up with me. She lived an hour away in a much bigger city. She had tons and tons of friends from all over the world. Not a day went by when we did not have something to do. Her family was wonderful as well. I was meeting new people, in a new city all the time. It was great.

 

I know a few people like this in my life and they really don't know how good they have it. They have friends everywhere in higher places, all over the world and whenever they need someone to cry to, they have a friend or family member. They always have a place to go, people to see, things to do. I would DIE, BEG to be in their shoes. I am very jealous and envy them but its not in a bad way, I don't wish them any ill will but I totally understand where you're coming from.

 

Though it might feel like it, you're not alone in this world. You might have to physically move out of your comfort zone and go to that bigger city. Do new things, meet new people, start something completely different. You're still young despite what some may think and you still got time to make changes. Its never too late, go out there and find yourself, start a new adventure that can come with excitement.

 

Skydiving makes everything better as well.

[sam light]

One step at a time. Get a job, any job. Not having any money and taking it from your Mother will only make you feel much worse. A job will keep you stable (not going into debt) until decide a direction. it may give you some direction in it's own right.

 

28 is a time of change, you're finding the goals and life you always wanted are were immature. Time for new goals. You're becoming a full fledged adult.

 

Break ups, especially 1st serious ones are hard. Time really will heal it. just try to keep cool until you are totally over her.