TerryV Posted May 9, 2010 Posted May 9, 2010 Back at the start of 2005 I wrote my dads car off and got made redundant from a job I loved. I was at a low point. Then a few months later I took a temporary very low paid job and met the woman of my dreams. We fell in love and I then found out what love was. I moved out of my parents home and into her home. We settled well. One problem we both are very friery and have bad tempers, very bad tempers. After some time together I just had this urge to marry her, I had this deep feeling in my stomach that I had never felt before.I ordered the ring, had to wait 6 weeks for it and I had this plan on where to ask her. Although I got so excited I blurted it out like an idiot before I got the ring cause I was so over whelmed with excitement and happiness. Anyway we planned a wedding and before we got married I remember this like it was yesterday we sat and spoke for hours about out tempers, we used to row alot always did but that was us and how we were. We agreed it to be fine and said it was how we were and it didnt bother us. Two years of saving hard work rows about organising the wedding etc - but we got there. The wedding day OMG what a day I have never felt so good nor had she. when she walked down the isle to me I cried she looked so beautiful and everything in me tingled it was and always will be the best day of my life!!! Honey moon was great although we did row a few times but that was just her and I and we always did it was just us so I never saw it as a big deal because of the chat we have had. Anyway we have had a few ups and downs and lots thrown at us, work stress etc she was away with work a lot etc etc. Then jan 2009 her nan passed away, v sad. Then in aug 2009 her mum passed away. I knew this would strain our relationship but i thought we wee so strong that we together could get through it. Then Oct came and one night lying in bed she turned to me and said that she no longer loved me I was so shocked i didnt believe it at first like I thought it was because of the trauma of her mum. Then she removed her wedding ring, and asked me to move out of her home. All of a sudden I find myself and all my gear back in my old room with my mum and dad, I just couldnt comprehend it and i was in a daze. Nov and Dec we kept in touch saw each other and I was always having to contact her. I encouraged relate counselling and she went to one session and was totally not interested. Then boxing day she called and said that she could only foresee us being friends, my heart sank and I said what no and she said sorry I dont feel that way about u. She did say maybe we could be friends and maybe in time she may love me again but she wasnt sure. Having been spent 3 months dangling and now she says this i lost it and said I cant be ur friend it has to be over. I guess I stupidly thought that she would never let it be over she would say no no and it would shock her into thinking otherwise I was desperate. But all she said was ok no problem like it was a weight from her shoulders. I have spent the last 6 months in such a mess, counselling, hypnotheraphy, no sleep, depression, wanting to kill myself. My friends and family have been so great but I feel so alone. My wife has always said the rows did it and it was my temper and my temper alone that did it, it was all my fault and I believe her. Every one has told me that its never just one persons fault in this kind of instance that she was partly to blame and that she shouldnt have put it down to the rows and the temper as we have both always been like this from day 1. problem is I feel its all my fault I keep going over and over things I did said wish I could go back. Now I sit and blame myself. Thing is 6 months on I am slowly better but not good I still think of her all the time wonder what she is up to has she got someone else. i miss her so much and my life feels destroyed. we were so compatible, we would say the same things at the same time, we both rode motorbikes, liked the same tele, food restaurants we liked everything the same. To me thats soulmates, perfection so the arguments were small fry. What i cant accept is that its over how can we have been so good and compatible and she walks away. I am at a total loss. I cant explain the hurt it feels like I have no insides. 4 months on since we split I am still so raw. I came on here to see if someone knew how i feel maybe if I talk to someone that knows how i feel it wont make me feel like I am mad. I totally blame myself hate myself and wish she would give me another chance. what I am scared of is my life feels over, I met someone that was so liek me and we got on so well that how on earth am i ever gonna find that again. My life was sorted, i loved my wife, where i lived, the fact that I was settled. I come from a long line of family marriges that have lasted well over 40 years my family life is very stable and for this to happen for my marriage to have lasted 14 months is like the end of the world Am i crazy I hope not. Thanks for listening x
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