furbaby Posted May 9, 2010 Posted May 9, 2010 I have a cat and a dog and I love them both very much. They're both little sweetpeas; very affectionate and gentle and cuddly. All of my friends and family and my roommates love them. I also pretty much love all dogs and cats, and I think that they should be treated with love and kindness. So am I a jerk for not wanting to date someone who doesn't like animals? I'm also not into people who just tolerate pets. It's honestly a dealbreaker for me and not something I can get past. Even if someone is really nice to me, if he's not really into my dog and cat (or animals in general), or if he seems annoyed by them, it's a total turn-off for me. At the same time, I am definitely turned on by guys who like animals. One of my ex-boyfriends loved dogs more than anything, and another loved cats more than anything, and I guess those two set a precedent for this kind of thing. Over the past few months I have lost interest in 3 different guys because they weren't into my pets. I don't want a significant other to psychotically obsess over my pets or anything. I'm not some crazy cat lady or one of those people who has like 80 different types of animals living in my house. I just want to be with someone who genuinely enjoys being around animals. Two of the guys thought I was weird and ridiculous for this. Am I?
norajane Posted May 9, 2010 Posted May 9, 2010 I don't think you're being ridiculous. Pet lovers and non-pet lovers are a distinct dividing line, and it does matter, and it does make a difference in the quality of life if you share the same feelings. Are you passing up some guys who would be great except they don't like pets? Sure. But, ultimately, you won't be happy with them, and you won't be able to share your love of animals together. That does matter because animals are a part of your life and live with you. It's not like not sharing a love for football or cars or something.
witabix Posted May 9, 2010 Posted May 9, 2010 There doesn't seem to be anything wrong with wanting someone who will share your interests. I would say you are drastically cutting down the potential males for yourself. I doubt a vet would be so passionate about animals. In this kind of situation I find its best to go around to the other side of the point and try on it yourself for size. For example. How would you feel if a man said to you, "You are great and all, but you don't share my passion for computer games/crosswords/golf/stamp collecting/horror movies (Delete as appropriate) so its a deal breaker for me. Sorry" In the end its your life and you make your own rules.
janie423 Posted May 9, 2010 Posted May 9, 2010 (edited) There doesn't seem to be anything wrong with wanting someone who will share your interests. I would say you are drastically cutting down the potential males for yourself. I doubt a vet would be so passionate about animals. In this kind of situation I find its best to go around to the other side of the point and try on it yourself for size. For example. How would you feel if a man said to you, "You are great and all, but you don't share my passion for computer games/crosswords/golf/stamp collecting/horror movies (Delete as appropriate) so its a deal breaker for me. Sorry" In the end its your life and you make your own rules. I disagree with this post. Computer games et al are not living creatures. Big big difference. Animals are not a passion, they are a responsibility. I would not even consider a date with a man who did not love animals. And yes, it is a deal killer if they don't love animals. LOVE ME, LOVE MY DOG . . . or cat, or bird, whichever applies. Edited May 9, 2010 by janie423
janie423 Posted May 9, 2010 Posted May 9, 2010 So am I a jerk for not wanting to date someone who doesn't like animals? I'm also not into people who just tolerate pets. It's honestly a dealbreaker for me and not something I can get past. I just want to be with someone who genuinely enjoys being around animals. Two of the guys thought I was weird and ridiculous for this. Am I? I had a date with a guy who thought it was ridiculous that I brush my dogs' teeth. As cute as the guy was, he did not get a second date. There are plenty of guys out there that love animals. You don't have to settle for those who do not.
witabix Posted May 9, 2010 Posted May 9, 2010 I disagree with this post. Computer games et al are not living creatures. Big big difference. Animals are not a passion, they are a responsibility. I would not even consider a date with a man who did not love animals. And yes, it is a deal killer if they don't love animals. LOVE ME, LOVE MY DOG . . . or cat, or bird, whichever applies. Janie I see what you are saying and that discussion leads into the speciest stuff. I was trying to draw an analogy, bit too much of a stretch really. Whereas I realise that the comparison of a living thing to a game of golf seems a little perverse, I in no way intended it to be direct comparison. I tried to think of a better list but couldn't really come up with one. LOVE ME, LOVE MY PLAYSTATION . . . or Wii, or Xbox. Just sounds downright simple minded. I would prefer to think I wasn't that simple.
Author furbaby Posted May 9, 2010 Author Posted May 9, 2010 There doesn't seem to be anything wrong with wanting someone who will share your interests. I would say you are drastically cutting down the potential males for yourself. I doubt a vet would be so passionate about animals. In this kind of situation I find its best to go around to the other side of the point and try on it yourself for size. For example. How would you feel if a man said to you, "You are great and all, but you don't share my passion for computer games/crosswords/golf/stamp collecting/horror movies (Delete as appropriate) so its a deal breaker for me. Sorry" In the end its your life and you make your own rules. If a man didn't want to date me because I didn't share his love for stamp collecting, I would probably think that we were incompatible on a number of levels. But yeah, I mean, I've dated plenty of guys who had different interests and with a few exceptions, if I like someone, I am almost always interested in learning more about and supporting what they're passionate about. But I also think that a love of animals is indicative of something generally more complex than a love of a certain genre of movie or a specific sport. It's not always the case, but often it is a sign of compassion for living creatures that I really gravitate towards in other people. I also really go for guys who have a more philanthropic nature (ie. people who feel strongly about particular social issues or people who are more altruistic). I also agree with the other poster who said that having pets is not just a hobby or a passion, it is a responsibility.
Author furbaby Posted May 9, 2010 Author Posted May 9, 2010 Also, sort of the reason why I bring this up is because the last guy I dated is really indignant that this is the reason why I don't want to go out with him. He kind of made fun of me for it initially, and now he's chalking it up to me being a snobby bitch or that I'm using this as an excuse or something. I guess it's hard for him to understand where I'm coming from, but jeez.
witabix Posted May 9, 2010 Posted May 9, 2010 But I also think that a love of animals is indicative of something generally more complex than a love of a certain genre of movie or a specific sport..... ........I also agree with the other poster who said that having pets is not just a hobby or a passion, it is a responsibility. Yes, I know what you mean, someone who is kind to animals is more likely to be kind, and having a pet or looking after any animals is a responsibility that should be taken seriously.
witabix Posted May 9, 2010 Posted May 9, 2010 Also, sort of the reason why I bring this up is because the last guy I dated is really indignant that this is the reason why I don't want to go out with him. He kind of made fun of me for it initially, and now he's chalking it up to me being a snobby bitch or that I'm using this as an excuse or something. I guess it's hard for him to understand where I'm coming from, but jeez. Ah, the issue itself...... Tell him to go and reproduce with himself. He doesn't get it. I am in a different camp from you myself. I believe that if you are going to care for an animal then you should face legal sanction if you don't. I consider animals to be citizens of this planet alongside us, and that they should be protected by law. Not just cuddly endangered species, but also the raggly little moggie who lives behind the shed. But I don't consider myself to be an animal lover. If someone didn't want to go out with me because of my attitude to their pet not matching up, thats ok. We all have our reasons. beliefs, loves, hates etc. Revel in the diversity and don't judge. He has judged. Up to him, don't let his attitudes upset you.
Author furbaby Posted May 9, 2010 Author Posted May 9, 2010 I consider animals to be citizens of this planet alongside us, and that they should be protected by law. Not just cuddly endangered species, but also the raggly little moggie who lives behind the shed. Me too; both of my pets came from a rescue shelter. My dog is missing an eye and she doesn't have any teeth, and my cat only as 3 legs. But they're both wonderful creatures and they're pretty cute to me
Stockalone Posted May 9, 2010 Posted May 9, 2010 So am I a jerk for not wanting to date someone who doesn't like animals? I don't think that makes you a jerk. And you aren't being ridiculous either. I agree with you that some people are simply incompatible. The funny (or not so funny, depending on how you look at it) thing is that I am on the opposite side. I don't date women who have a dog. I never liked dogs. I am okay with (most) other pets though, as long as they aren't poisonous. I regularly take care of my cousins cat when she is out of town. And my sister got a parrot when she was still a kid and we all consider the parrot as part of the family.
janie423 Posted May 9, 2010 Posted May 9, 2010 Janie I see what you are saying and that discussion leads into the speciest stuff. I was trying to draw an analogy, bit too much of a stretch really. Whereas I realise that the comparison of a living thing to a game of golf seems a little perverse, I in no way intended it to be direct comparison. I tried to think of a better list but couldn't really come up with one. LOVE ME, LOVE MY PLAYSTATION . . . or Wii, or Xbox. Just sounds downright simple minded. I would prefer to think I wasn't that simple. I see your point as well, but here's the difference. If you are with someone who does not like your computer games, what is the worst she can do? Delete them in a fit of rage? BUT, what if a woman dates a man who does not love animals, and he gets angry, what is the worst he can do? It's been done. Animals are injured and killed during domestic quarrels. That is the big difference. There is just no comparison between a playstation and a living being.
witabix Posted May 9, 2010 Posted May 9, 2010 I see your point as well, but here's the difference. If you are with someone who does not like your computer games, what is the worst she can do? Delete them in a fit of rage? BUT, what if a woman dates a man who does not love animals, and he gets angry, what is the worst he can do? It's been done. Animals are injured and killed during domestic quarrels. I've never heard of anyone killing an animal in a domestic quarrel before...... There is just no comparison between a playstation and a living being Accepted.
Rorschach Posted May 9, 2010 Posted May 9, 2010 Just out of a sense of curiosity, how would you feel about me? I love pets, I love animals, I have a cat, ferrets, birds, fish. But at BEST I can tolerate dogs. i don't really like them and when I visit somebody who has them I'll pet them, but when I spend more than just an hour or two around them I just want them to leave me alone. So what about somebody who liked one but not both of your pets?
Peaceful Guy Posted May 9, 2010 Posted May 9, 2010 Two of the guys thought I was weird and ridiculous for this. Am I? i dont think so. i think its a totally acceptable thing to want to bond over!
Author furbaby Posted May 9, 2010 Author Posted May 9, 2010 I've never heard of anyone killing an animal in a domestic quarrel before...... I hadn't given much thought to that notion, but yikes... http://www.hsus.org/acf/cruelty/publiced/domestic_violence_cruelty.html
janie423 Posted May 9, 2010 Posted May 9, 2010 (edited) I've never heard of anyone killing an animal in a domestic quarrel before...... talk to an animal advocate group and then you will have heard of it . . . the point is, the potential is there, so why get involved in the first place. Read the above link . . . excellent link by the way. Edited May 9, 2010 by janie423
Author furbaby Posted May 9, 2010 Author Posted May 9, 2010 Just out of a sense of curiosity, how would you feel about me? I love pets, I love animals, I have a cat, ferrets, birds, fish. But at BEST I can tolerate dogs. i don't really like them and when I visit somebody who has them I'll pet them, but when I spend more than just an hour or two around them I just want them to leave me alone. So what about somebody who liked one but not both of your pets? Not sure, I guess it would depend on the person. My ex who loved cats wasn't a big dog person, and I'll admit that it made me sad when he was kind of cold to his house-mate's dog. My other ex LOVED dogs and had never really been a fan of cats, but he was still very sweet to my cat, although he would get frustrated sometimes when she was being fickle. He was a serious animal lover, and even though cats weren't his favorite pets, he was always very kind to them. I think as long you're kind to them, and you're not like visibly annoyed or getting all pissy, it's ok if you have a preference for one over the other.
witabix Posted May 9, 2010 Posted May 9, 2010 I hadn't given much thought to that notion, but yikes... http://www.hsus.org/acf/cruelty/publiced/domestic_violence_cruelty.html That is absolutely shocking...... How have I lived on this earth for fifty years and never heard of this thing? It really makes me question the nature of humanity. The cowards....snivelling cowards. I have always wondered what kind of a man it takes to hit a woman, or what kind of a man to hit a child, never even considered the possibility that a man would hurt a family pet. Oh good lord we are lost.....
mansquito Posted May 9, 2010 Posted May 9, 2010 I'm a dude. I have two cats. I like them. I don't "love" them. Or, at least, I don't "love" them any more than I "love" Italian beef sandwiches, a scotch, or the Nick Cave Grinderman album. Real love is reserved for human beings that I have a deep physical and emotional connection with. Sure, they're living, breathing creatures, but so are cows. I eat cows. In certain other cultures, my two cats would be considered as a legitimate source of meat right up there with the poor cow. Now, I don't neglect them - they're indoor-only, they're well fed, I clean the box religiously, and they get their yearly vet checkups. I'll scritch 'em behind the ears when they want it, and I'll play with them. Mostly, though, they keep to themselves, and sleep on my feet. They're animals. I'm human. One of them has already reached her lifetime maximum of vet bills from Mansquito. Any more vet estimates over 500 bucks, and it's time for the Big Sleep. I was married to a LOVE ME LOVE MY CATS-type, and I burned through bonuses, and credit cards in a quixotic quest to keep her poor pwecious alive for far longer than nature intended him to be. Needless to say, I'm not married to that woman any more, and I will forever associate that kind of attachment to animals over other people as a giant red flag in a potential partner.
Rorschach Posted May 9, 2010 Posted May 9, 2010 I'm a dude. I have two cats. I like them. I don't "love" them. Or, at least, I don't "love" them any more than I "love" Italian beef sandwiches, a scotch, or the Nick Cave Grinderman album. Real love is reserved for human beings that I have a deep physical and emotional connection with. Sure, they're living, breathing creatures, but so are cows. I eat cows. In certain other cultures, my two cats would be considered as a legitimate source of meat right up there with the poor cow. Now, I don't neglect them - they're indoor-only, they're well fed, I clean the box religiously, and they get their yearly vet checkups. I'll scritch 'em behind the ears when they want it, and I'll play with them. Mostly, though, they keep to themselves, and sleep on my feet. They're animals. I'm human. One of them has already reached her lifetime maximum of vet bills from Mansquito. Any more vet estimates over 500 bucks, and it's time for the Big Sleep. I was married to a LOVE ME LOVE MY CATS-type, and I burned through bonuses, and credit cards in a quixotic quest to keep her poor pwecious alive for far longer than nature intended him to be. Needless to say, I'm not married to that woman any more, and I will forever associate that kind of attachment to animals over other people as a giant red flag in a potential partner. I agree with this. I love my pets to an extent, But it's not the same sort of love you have for a girl or for a child. While one of my main aspirations in the coming months is to get a couple of ferrets (I'm moving into my own aparmtment soon so I'd like to populate it!) and in a long term pet goal I want a african gray parrot because they're ADORABLE and intelligent and just an overall wicked cool pet. But in my head I'm very logical about my pets, I pay 100 bucks for shelter cats, they're cute and friendly just like 1000 dollar pedigree cats, but unluckily for them if any vet bills exceed a couple hundred dollars it's much cheaper for me to simply get a NEW cat instead of fixing the old one. Of course african gray parrots are close to 5,000 dollars so it's much more likely I'd try to keep him/her alive (not to mention they have 60+ year life spans so I'd be willing to become much more emotionally attached to what I consider a lifetime pet, rather than a 5 year ferret, or a 15 year cat.
Kaplan Posted May 9, 2010 Posted May 9, 2010 Did you dump this guy because he doesn't like animals or because he doesn't love animals?
Kaplan Posted May 9, 2010 Posted May 9, 2010 Umm, Rorschach. Have you ever smelled a ferret before? If I was going to get an animal I would want an animal that eats other animals. I looked into getting a jellyfish but apparently it's difficult to keep them alive in captivity. I might get a shark.
Rorschach Posted May 9, 2010 Posted May 9, 2010 Umm, Rorschach. Have you ever smelled a ferret before? If I was going to get an animal I would want an animal that eats other animals. I looked into getting a jellyfish but apparently it's difficult to keep them alive in captivity. I might get a shark. Yes, two of my friends have ferrets and I've looked into ferrets extensively online. One of my friends removed the musk glands (surgical procedure) as suggested by multiple online sites. No stink. My other friend elected to save a couple hundred bucks, and his apartment smells rancid. So it's not really the ferrets fault, if they stink they just haven't been de-scented. AND THEY'RE ADORABLE! How can you say no to that face... As for pets that eat other animals, you can get some freaking awesome african cichlids. Get a nice big 55 gallon fish tank, fill it with ciclids and feed them gold fish/other feeder fish. its awesome. I use to feed other fish to the cichlids when I worked at walmart... I wasn't supposed to but it was awesome. (ghost shrimp are really cool to feed to them because they move so fast there is a good chase.
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