travelbug Posted May 9, 2010 Posted May 9, 2010 Hello folks! So my partner of 9+ years left me back in September. He had moved out at the beginning of last year, but we stayed together until late Summer when he allegedly "met someone." We had been on the rocks for a while, mainly due to my negligence of the relationship and his needs. I of course, pleaded and made all kinds of promises about all the things I will do differently, but alas, he chose to pursue someone else. He insisted we stay in touch and wants to remain friends "for now", says he still loves me very much and misses things about "us." In response to my many attempts to win him back with emotional outpourings he has given me a vague "maybe someday, just not right now," kind of response. We talk about once every 2-3 weeks, although it's been over 3 now since he called last. Every time I've tried to bring up the relationship it seems to drive him further away, so the last couple times I've just kept it light and casual. After nearly 9 months now of being apart, I'm starting to get very anxious and worried that we'll never reconcile. He knows what I'm looking for, I've made it very clear. So I can't just keep telling him over and over and over, right? That's one of the reasons he walked out--I rarely if ever told him how I feel--but it seems like overkill to just keep telling him at this point. But is it really too little, too late? If he left out of feeling neglected or disrespected, is it possible to win him back by continuing to tell him or show him at this point? I feel like telling him yet again I want to work things out could just be too redundant (last time I did that was only 2 months ago). Seems like showing it would go farther with him. Question is, how do you show someone in actions how much you care and want them back? Especially when you no longer live together and don't talk that often? Also, despite the phone/email communication we have not actually seen each other since September. He's wanted to get together a couple times, but I have not felt ready. So, the physical distance is adding to my anxiety. Anyone have any advice on how to get the man back? Is he gone forever? Is it really possible to rebuild after being apart for so long and with so many years behind us? I've gone through the whole despair period, revamping and improving myself period, and have had plenty of time to reflect on what I really want. I know he is who I want to spend the rest of my life with, but I don't know how to go about rekindling things. Any ideas?? Thanks!!!
You Go Girl Posted May 9, 2010 Posted May 9, 2010 You haven't seen each other since Sept.... My advice is to simply call and plan to meet, or, if you must--simply show up. It's been so long that the two of you really need a face to face to see what remains.
hopesndreams Posted May 9, 2010 Posted May 9, 2010 when he allegedly "met someone." It's either he is too much of a coward to tell you straight that it's over and/or enjoys the attention you are giving him and doesn't want that to end and/or using you as his back-up plan. Whichever way you look at it, it is not good! Your life is passing you by as you pine away, hurting and wondering how you could possibly get him back. Question is, why would you want him back? He's been loving it up with someone else. Trips, dinners, long conversations, fun and games, with someone other than you. You need to get your self-respect back and build up your self-esteem. He is not the only man on this planet and now he is covered in her cooties. File for D, the sooner the better, so you can start living your life, coz he sure as h*ll is living his without any regard for your feelings.
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