sandiego Posted May 9, 2010 Posted May 9, 2010 Ok, I'd like to thank everyone in advance for your advice. I've got a situation I've been dealing with for the past 7 months and could use some guidance. I was with my girlfriend for three years (lived together for 1 year). During this time, she was very much wanting to get married. Although I loved her dearly, I never really felt "in love" with her, and couldn't commit to marriage. I was hoping my feeling might change over time. Well, one day she received a great job offer in Florida....and no kidding, began sleeping on the couch the next day. One week later, she was at her parents house and moved out completely, then left to Florida. During this time, I told her I'd do whatever I needed to do to make the relationship work, including marriage. She told me she didn't want to get married based upon my fear of losing her (which was actually pretty rational). She moved, and over the next two months or so I tried my best to stay in contact to get her back...to no avail. Then finally after a few weeks I went NC and she settled in florida. Then she decided she wanted me back. I visited her for 3 days and things were good, although I was unsure what I wanted at that point. We stayed together for about a month long distance...she again pushed for marriage, which in my then-rational mind didin't seem like a good idea. She quickly grew frustrated, met a dude, and proceeded to break up with me the next day (again). Of course, for the second time I was crushed. We kept in contact (which was a horrible idea), she liked to call me to tell me about her new guy.....even with this happening, I still wanted to reconcile and see her again..which she declined. After a month, the new guy broke up with her.....guess who she calls for support? Yep, me. Now, she's visiting home and really wants to see me because "I've been a really important part of her life". I asked if she was open to reconcilling...she said no, she just wants to be friends but see where it goes. Then she proceeds to blow my mind by telling me, I don't want to date you now or in a month or two, but maybe in a year...WTF? So my question is, should I agree to meet with her and try to keep the conversation light, just to see what happens? I've struggled getting over her for the past 7 months as I haven't been able to go NC for more than a couple weeks. Part of me wants to reconcile, the other part of me knows that we're prob. meant to be friends...but I know if we stay in contact, I'll harbor hope we'll reconnect. If she starts dating again, I'm sure I'll feel hurt. Sorry for the run-on post, I just don't know quite how to handle it. I feel like if I can be strong and not attach to any particular outcome, it would be ok. Then again, I'm not sure I'll stay strong enough not to be let down if it doesn't happen. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks, Sandiego
lvixen Posted May 9, 2010 Posted May 9, 2010 You don't want marriage (at least with her) and she does. It's hard to reconcile this. You two want totally different things. Now she doesn't want to be with you at all. I completely understand this and you should to. It doesn't mean you're a bad person or that you were a bad boyfriend, just that you two want completely different things out of life. It's time to let go. DO NOT meet her even as friends, do not be her friend, do not have any contact with her. Do you REALLY want to know how she is doing with other guys? Sometimes ignorance is bliss. Like you said, staying friends with her may lead to false hope. You need a clean slate. Tell her not to contact you and do not contact her until you're completely over it. Good luck.
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