AD1980 Posted May 10, 2010 Posted May 10, 2010 I'm sick of hearing the confidence thing. That's just another bull**** word. Confidence is bs womenspeak that they use for mostly good looking guys theyre attracted to Confidence is a pretty vague term especially judging somebody after a few minutes of meeting them..
Med Posted May 10, 2010 Posted May 10, 2010 Well come on folks! Help me out! If not bars, ect...where the hell do I meet women in person who want to date and have a relationship (yes, which includes intense bouts of performing the horizontal hokey pokey)? Best way not to seem SO NICE to women is to learn how to have total plutonic relationships with women, start by treating them as a good friend with respect like you would with your male friends minus the macho / rough male stuff, show them you are a person who cares and is interested on what she / the women has or have to say as a PERSON rather then think about that hot body of hers. Do this and I guarantee you will be a happy man soon. But be sincere as women are not stupid. This would also help increase your chances of having a long lasting and happy relationship with women, because you started as friends with good intentions and there is trust gained from starting as friends “most important is trust” from my life’s experience by watching my circle of friends, I noticed most successful relationships started as friends. Women now days are more interested in friendships anyway, then who knows where it can lead?.
Kaplan Posted May 10, 2010 Posted May 10, 2010 I think the same alot, man. Sounds like you and I could be friends. Are you an American? Yeah, we should go out as wingmen and pick up old women. I'm from Seattle. I think the important thing for you might be to just not worry about it so much. You seem to be really worried about whether or not you'll find a girl, and I think that concern is getting in the way. Just be confident that it'll work out eventually. It will.
homersheineken Posted May 10, 2010 Posted May 10, 2010 dude you broke the cardinal rule: never hit on women who work for tips or are required to be nice to you due to their job ??? Amend that to: As a unconfident beginner, "never hit on women who work for tips or are required to be nice to you due to their job" - and I'll agree with you. I've picked them up before. And to do that you need to be cocky and confident. They hear the same crap all the time, you have to be different and stand out.
homersheineken Posted May 10, 2010 Posted May 10, 2010 Whenever this topic comes up on "nice guys', the story is different but the premise is the same. This "nice guy" business becomes a convient excuse to shift blame on women and not acknowledge a man's own incapability or lack of knowledge and experience in enjoying the process of learning how to relate to women on a level they will respond to. It's easier to blame another person then to look onto ourselves and see what we might be doing that might be turning off the opposite sex. Here are some very key, very honest, very true points on the "nice guy" dichonomy. A) Not all self proclaimed "nice guys" are truly all that nice. B) If you truly are a "nice guy", that will never and should never guarentee that a woman should be automatically attracted. C) Just because a man sees himself as a "nice guy" and gets rejected, doesn't mean that the reason he is getting rejected is because women want jerks and he was too nice. It just means she doesn't want this particutlar guy and there could be a 100 different reasons for it. D) Women do not want jerks. They do not want nice guys. We want GOOD MEN. If you understand this difference, you're doing good. Look, I truly feel for guys that struggle in the dating world. It's not easy for any of us. But there are alot of men out there that don't even try to understand women. That don't really appreciate women even while they want female companionship and love. And women subconciously can pick up on this. Understanding women takes alot of work. So it's much easier to say that women are the problem without looking inward to how a particular person might be contributing to the situation. I don't agree with much of what you say, but this is a good post.
homersheineken Posted May 10, 2010 Posted May 10, 2010 Women with low self esteem need to be treated like crap to keep them interested. This is the "dark side" of the game as we in the pick up artist community call it. Hehe http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_kytu1zMaOj1qzu5tto1_500.jpg
homersheineken Posted May 10, 2010 Posted May 10, 2010 Why does it matter if someone is an unconfident beginner or experienced? Everyone starts out as a beginner, whether they are 12 or 50. Because you can tell if they are flirting with you for tips or for you. And yes confidence is really important. They can't smell it a mile away if you're not and that's quite unattractive.
homersheineken Posted May 10, 2010 Posted May 10, 2010 You have to start somewhere though. Women can usually read confidence and other body language far better than men. Definitely you have to start somewhere. Just don't start with a bartender/waitress. If you're going to do that you have to bring your A game. I was just refuting Alphamale's premise to never hit on servers. You're right women can naturally read body language better than men. Solution? Do some research on body language
homersheineken Posted May 10, 2010 Posted May 10, 2010 Why not? You should start when the opportunity arises. You never know when there will be a personality match. You also have to realize that they will be friendly to you to get bigger tips. I've never asked one out. I'm doing some research on body language. I'm very weak at reading it and I don't know how much the reseach will help. You have to make split second decisions. It seems like some people are born with this ability and some are not. How do you know if an opportunity arises if you have no idea if they are flirting with you for $ or because they are into you? If you really want to begin your exp hitting on bartenders, go for it. just bring a lot of cash because they will give you "opportunities" to get your money and will string you along until you don't pay. Some people are born with it (split second decisions). Others learn it. I'm horrible at body language and have been reading on it recently actually and am getting better. I even used it tonite at the bar and saw things I never saw before.
Kaplan Posted May 10, 2010 Posted May 10, 2010 I even used it tonite at the bar and saw things I never saw before. Boobies?
homersheineken Posted May 10, 2010 Posted May 10, 2010 Boobies? Yes. And the language they were speaking was "caress me"
homersheineken Posted May 10, 2010 Posted May 10, 2010 Someone needs to keep this all in mind, but if she is interested it's possible she will make it very obvious. I'd actually say NOT to bring a lot of cash. If she likes you, she will like you even if you don't tip excessively. There is a trap of people feeling they can buy love with excessive tips. I've read some about body language and I'm still horrible at reading it. I'm getting better at reading it after the fact though. That's not enough since it is those split second decisions. You're not getting this.... No, a waitress will NOT make it obvious (much less "very" obvious) she's really into you. She gets hit on dozens/hundreds of times a day. That's why you can't be inexperienced. She has her wall up and her A game going, so you better have it too.
homersheineken Posted May 10, 2010 Posted May 10, 2010 If a waitress or anyone else sees a guy she really wants she may very well let him know. With any skill including hitting on waitresses, it takes practice and usually a lot of failures. You lose nothing and gain experience by giving it a shot. The only way you lose is if you are stupid and give a 30% tip thinking that will increase your odds. LOL if you want to keep thinking that a waitress working is like any other girl, more power (and less money) to you.
Author mike1988 Posted May 10, 2010 Author Posted May 10, 2010 One MAJOR thing I never mentioned about me. 1. After being sent back from the Military due to a birth heart defect (nothing deadly don't worry), I'm currently living off my Military pay but I don't have a job yet and I moved back in with my father. 2. I only have a temporary permit...I don't drive yet. Does this affect my chances at getting women? back to topic at hand
Kaplan Posted May 10, 2010 Posted May 10, 2010 back to topic at hand I think not having a job, living with your father, and not having a car will probably be a slight disadvantage. But people look down on those who live with their parents, and don't have a job or a car because they are losers. You don't have a job, a car, or a place of your own, but it's obviously not because you're a loser. They won't have to get to know you that well to understand your particular situation. I think the biggest problem will be when you're meeting a girl for the first time. If she finds out right away that you don't have those things she might write you off without giving you a chance.
Green Posted May 10, 2010 Posted May 10, 2010 <A> Women like nice guys <B> The best way to handle rejection is by not giving a damn <C> You call that a rejection, you need to have them yelling something like "NOT IF YOU WERE THE LAST GUY ON EARTH!" before you can feel rejected... You're not trying hard enough if all you got was "nice" and gave up. <D> Be yourself, women are people just like men. You don't have to speak some magic language, or act in some unatural way. Just be genuine and kiss, touch, flirt ... HAVE FUN!!! <E> you're in your early twenties and you knowingly went after a women with children... Are you silly haha. Go back to college if your dream is to become something that requires school... otherwise do what you need to do to follow your dreams. <F> Women like a man who doesn't need a women. YOU don't need a woman. You are great the way you are. When you approach women it should be for FUN... your fun is more important then there fun because it is all you can control... believe me if they are not having fun they won't hang out with you so just focus on enjoying yourself... this doesn't have to be so stressful and you should STOP LETTING REJECTION GET TO YOU
Jersey Shortie Posted May 10, 2010 Posted May 10, 2010 One MAJOR thing I never mentioned about me. 1. After being sent back from the Military due to a birth heart defect (nothing deadly don't worry), I'm currently living off my Military pay but I don't have a job yet and I moved back in with my father. 2. I only have a temporary permit...I don't drive yet. Does this affect my chances at getting women? Considering your only 21/22, I don't think it's a big deal at all that you are living with your dad. There are lots of girls that age still living at home too. But yeah, you really need to get your license.
Sivok Posted May 10, 2010 Posted May 10, 2010 The key is being fun and playful with your flirting. Confidence, strong sense of humor, and a healthy mix of playful cockiness are great ways to build a woman's interest. She has to truly have FUN speaking to you, and unless a hot woman is interested in you, a compliment isn't really going to do much for you. Notice something: I never said be a jerk. You can be nice and still deliver that fun energetic vibe which women like. Also, if you keep saying **** like "way out of my league" etc, you're never going to build the confidence to do what i just stated with hot women BECAUSE you feel they're better than you. How can you expect to succeed if you already hardwired your mind to failure?
homersheineken Posted May 10, 2010 Posted May 10, 2010 I NEVER said that. I said someone is stupid if they think tipping higher will give them more of a a chance. Of course it is less likely that a waitress will respond to someone hitting on them given the nature of their business. I just object to the part where you say it's ok for experienced people to try and inexperienced people not to try. The only way to get experience is to try and learn from your mistakes. Every single person who has ever dated a waitress had a first time they hit on a waitress (unless she asked him out). I didn't say it wasn't ok, I said there are better and cheaper opportunities than to hit on waitresses and expect real results. And just because someone dated a waitress, doesn't mean they hit on them while they were waitressing. Big, big difference.
Odyssey Posted May 10, 2010 Posted May 10, 2010 Dude, she didn't reject you. OP, it sounds like you rejected yourself 'cause you never even asked for her number or anything. Missed opportunity? maybe. There's plenty more chicks out there. Look man don't give up before you'd even asked...sometime we can over-analyse what was said.
Author mike1988 Posted May 10, 2010 Author Posted May 10, 2010 The key is being fun and playful with your flirting. Confidence, strong sense of humor, and a healthy mix of playful cockiness are great ways to build a woman's interest. She has to truly have FUN speaking to you, and unless a hot woman is interested in you, a compliment isn't really going to do much for you. Notice something: I never said be a jerk. You can be nice and still deliver that fun energetic vibe which women like. Also, if you keep saying **** like "way out of my league" etc, you're never going to build the confidence to do what i just stated with hot women BECAUSE you feel they're better than you. How can you expect to succeed if you already hardwired your mind to failure? I just figured they wouldn't know what I'm thinking...
romer Posted May 10, 2010 Posted May 10, 2010 I saw your picture on another post, and there is nothing wrong with your looks...you are just looking in the wrong places. I am a woman, and I would not date a guy I met in a bar. Men go to bars for one thing...a hook-up.
AD1980 Posted May 10, 2010 Posted May 10, 2010 I saw your picture on another post, and there is nothing wrong with your looks...you are just looking in the wrong places. I am a woman, and I would not date a guy I met in a bar. Men go to bars for one thing...a hook-up. I think guys at bars get stereotyped unfairly..Is every girl who goes to a bar not marriage material and loose? Most people in their 20's and early 30's got to bars/lounges to socialize during wekends a decent amount they dont go to bingo just yet, to say all of them arent relationship material and are just looking to have sex with anyhting is unfair.. I go to bars with people in relationships most of the time im looking for one myself id hate to get labled by a women as some guy whos just looking for one nighters because i go to bars..
bananalaffytaffy Posted May 10, 2010 Posted May 10, 2010 I can't even get a bartender hottie who is already a young mother to be sexually interested in me. I talked to her a bit on and off throughout the time I was there, and when I eventually said "I like you, you're cute" and her response was, "Aww, thanks...you're nice!" I swear...I'm a red-blooded man...not a freakin' poodle. I saw your picture on another post, and there is nothing wrong with your looks...you are just looking in the wrong places. I am a woman, and I would not date a guy I met in a bar. Men go to bars for one thing...a hook-up.Uh, sounds to me like a hookup is EXACTLY what he was looking for. He just hit on the one person who naturally wouldn't be interested: the one woman whose paycheck depended upon her being there.
Author mike1988 Posted May 10, 2010 Author Posted May 10, 2010 Uh, sounds to me like a hookup is EXACTLY what he was looking for. He just hit on the one person who naturally wouldn't be interested: the one woman whose paycheck depended upon her being there. That's my whole problem with dating. I have only had sex with two women in my life, once last March and once last September. Both women were in the 35-40 year old range, whom I met online who knew what the date was about and enjoyed it for what it was. My problem is that I want a girlfriend, but my age and my desire for intimacy seems to be a problem. Girls who are 18-21 yrs old seem to have sex a lot, but I think it's more for pleasing the "boyfriend" than themselves. On the other hand, once women get into their late 20s/30s/40s...they begin to strongly desire sex a lot more. Also, they are past the "bad boy" phase and I relate better to them. However, as far as dating goes, the ones who are 18/19 years old seem and sometimes say they're "too young" for me, while a girl just two years old (I'm 21 right now) says she's "too old". So not only is it hard enough to date, but to have a girlfriend and a healthy sexual life is also seeming to be a big hurdle for me. Like the one previous poster said...I'm worried that in 10 years when I'm almost 32 years old, the women who desire me now will still be the ones who by then will be 45-50 years old. It's very scary.
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