CLC2008 Posted May 9, 2010 Posted May 9, 2010 I just think people are drawn to what they're drawn too and it depends on many factors, not just because someone's "nice" or isn't "nice". My sister is married to a "nice" guy, but he is also very confident in himself, he has a good set of values and beliefs and she finds him very attractive physically. For her, that's what drew her to him initially
skydiveaddict Posted May 9, 2010 Posted May 9, 2010 "nice guy" syndrome affects men much more than women. It does affect some women too. The nice woman who's sitting in the corner sometimes does not get noticed. If she's hot she does
Kaplan Posted May 9, 2010 Posted May 9, 2010 I always used to think that when people said, "nice guys finish last" they meant, "nice guys finish last in sex." I only recently realized that being a nice guy is a bad thing. But I think a lot of the time when people are talking about the "nice" guy they're talking about the "shy" guy or the guy who lacks confidence.
BlindbyLove Posted May 9, 2010 Posted May 9, 2010 but who really wins nice guy or the chick that went home with that jerk that night? I seen to many times where the nice guy walks away with something meaningful while the girl he seen last week sitting up tight after being dumped by the jerk 2 days and a F*ck later...idk!
skydiveaddict Posted May 9, 2010 Posted May 9, 2010 But I think a lot of the time when people are talking about the "nice" guy they're talking about the "shy" guy or the guy who lacks confidence. Exactly right my friend, and that is why they finish last
CLC2008 Posted May 9, 2010 Posted May 9, 2010 but who really wins nice guy or the chick that went home with that jerk that night? I seen to many times where the nice guy walks away with something meaningful while the girl he seen last week sitting up tight after being dumped by the jerk 2 days and a F*ck later...idk! Yeah, I don't think guys and their buddies care about that. They're like "you scored with the hot chick?"...."You da man!"
brainygirl Posted May 9, 2010 Posted May 9, 2010 Getting back to the original poster, putting the moves on a woman while she is working may not be the best way to go about it. If she's professional she won't want to use her working time to flirt and set up a date. Bars are also terrible places to meet people. Its loud, dark, rowdy and people are intoxicated. That being said, I understand his frustration. Its like hearing "you're an amazing funny person but not the person for me". I hear that too much and hate it.
skydiveaddict Posted May 9, 2010 Posted May 9, 2010 Ok. If she stays home, she does not. lol well of course you have to at least go out!
Kaplan Posted May 9, 2010 Posted May 9, 2010 By the way, OP, you mentioned that the only women you can date are women 20 years older than you. I wonder if it's the same way for you as it is for me. For some reason older women love me. I don't think either of us are unattractive to girls our age, but for some reason I think I must be the ideal guy for a girl that's 15-20 years too old for me. I sometimes wonder if when I'm 40 all the women my age will love me, or if I'll only be attracting 60 year olds . . . or 80 year olds. Maybe they like you because they're at an age where they're more interested in marriage and settling down. I've heard that "nice guys" are more attractive to women with that mindset.
skydiveaddict Posted May 9, 2010 Posted May 9, 2010 Yeah, I don't think guys and their buddies care about that. They're like "you scored with the hot chick?"...."You da man!" Men would never do any such thing! I'm shocked, truly shocked!
BlindbyLove Posted May 9, 2010 Posted May 9, 2010 Yeah, I don't think guys and their buddies care about that. They're like "you scored with the hot chick?"...."You da man!" IDK, I go out, I'm attractive and get hit on by all types. 8-80 blind,crippled and crazy. but I don't feel it necassary to sleep with them all just to get my rocks off. I rather be with someone that at least cares to give something back...Know what i mean?
Jersey Shortie Posted May 9, 2010 Posted May 9, 2010 Whenever this topic comes up on "nice guys', the story is different but the premise is the same. This "nice guy" business becomes a convient excuse to shift blame on women and not acknowledge a man's own incapability or lack of knowledge and experience in enjoying the process of learning how to relate to women on a level they will respond to. It's easier to blame another person then to look onto ourselves and see what we might be doing that might be turning off the opposite sex. Here are some very key, very honest, very true points on the "nice guy" dichonomy. A) Not all self proclaimed "nice guys" are truly all that nice. B) If you truly are a "nice guy", that will never and should never guarentee that a woman should be automatically attracted. C) Just because a man sees himself as a "nice guy" and gets rejected, doesn't mean that the reason he is getting rejected is because women want jerks and he was too nice. It just means she doesn't want this particutlar guy and there could be a 100 different reasons for it. D) Women do not want jerks. They do not want nice guys. We want GOOD MEN. If you understand this difference, you're doing good. Look, I truly feel for guys that struggle in the dating world. It's not easy for any of us. But there are alot of men out there that don't even try to understand women. That don't really appreciate women even while they want female companionship and love. And women subconciously can pick up on this. Understanding women takes alot of work. So it's much easier to say that women are the problem without looking inward to how a particular person might be contributing to the situation.
CLC2008 Posted May 9, 2010 Posted May 9, 2010 Whenever this topic comes up on "nice guys', the story is different but the premise is the same. This "nice guy" business becomes a convient excuse to shift blame on women and not acknowledge a man's own incapability or lack of knowledge and experience in enjoying the process of learning how to relate to women on a level they will respond to. It's easier to blame another person then to look onto ourselves and see what we might be doing that might be turning off the opposite sex. Here are some very key, very honest, very true points on the "nice guy" dichonomy. A) Not all self proclaimed "nice guys" are truly all that nice. B) If you truly are a "nice guy", that will never and should never guarentee that a woman should be automatically attracted. C) Just because a man sees himself as a "nice guy" and gets rejected, doesn't mean that the reason he is getting rejected is because women want jerks and he was too nice. It just means she doesn't want this particutlar guy and there could be a 100 different reasons for it. D) Women do not want jerks. They do not want nice guys. We want GOOD MEN. If you understand this difference, you're doing good. Look, I truly feel for guys that struggle in the dating world. It's not easy for any of us. But there are alot of men out there that don't even try to understand women. That don't really appreciate women even while they want female companionship and love. And women subconciously can pick up on this. Understanding women takes alot of work. So it's much easier to say that women are the problem without looking inward to how a particular person might be contributing to the situation. I agree with Point A. Sometimes, it's just a front.
Kaplan Posted May 9, 2010 Posted May 9, 2010 This "nice guy" business becomes a convient excuse to shift blame on women and not acknowledge a man's own incapability or lack of knowledge and experience in enjoying the process of learning how to relate to women on a level they will respond to. It's easier to blame another person then to look onto ourselves and see what we might be doing that might be turning off the opposite sex. I think you're right about that. That's why people always say stuff like, "from now on, I'm just going to be a jerk."
BlindbyLove Posted May 9, 2010 Posted May 9, 2010 By the way, OP, you mentioned that the only women you can date are women 20 years older than you. I wonder if it's the same way for you as it is for me. For some reason older women love me. I don't think either of us are unattractive to girls our age, but for some reason I think I must be the ideal guy for a girl that's 15-20 years too old for me. I sometimes wonder if when I'm 40 all the women my age will love me, or if I'll only be attracting 60 year olds . . . or 80 year olds. Maybe they like you because they're at an age where they're more interested in marriage and settling down. I've heard that "nice guys" are more attractive to women with that mindset.It's called with older women you don't have to play that game of hard to get. They know what they want and set out to get it without all the games and drama that goes with it.
skydiveaddict Posted May 9, 2010 Posted May 9, 2010 I agree with Point A. Sometimes, it's just a front. No one with any common sense would proclaim himself a "nice guy"
CLC2008 Posted May 9, 2010 Posted May 9, 2010 No one with any common sense would proclaim himself a "nice guy" Well, I disagree. I have my reasons so I'll just leave it at that.
alphamale Posted May 9, 2010 Posted May 9, 2010 I can't even get a bartender hottie who is already a young mother to be sexually interested in me. I talked to her a bit on and off throughout the time I was there, and when I eventually said "I like you, you're cute" and her response was, "Aww, thanks...you're nice!" dude you broke the cardinal rule: never hit on women who work for tips or are required to be nice to you due to their job
Pfiend101 Posted May 9, 2010 Posted May 9, 2010 I'm sick of hearing the confidence thing. That's just another bull**** word.
Beerme Posted May 9, 2010 Posted May 9, 2010 Whenever this topic comes up on "nice guys', the story is different but the premise is the same. This "nice guy" business becomes a convient excuse to shift blame on women and not acknowledge a man's own incapability or lack of knowledge and experience in enjoying the process of learning how to relate to women on a level they will respond to. It's easier to blame another person then to look onto ourselves and see what we might be doing that might be turning off the opposite sex. Here are some very key, very honest, very true points on the "nice guy" dichonomy. A) Not all self proclaimed "nice guys" are truly all that nice. B) If you truly are a "nice guy", that will never and should never guarentee that a woman should be automatically attracted. C) Just because a man sees himself as a "nice guy" and gets rejected, doesn't mean that the reason he is getting rejected is because women want jerks and he was too nice. It just means she doesn't want this particutlar guy and there could be a 100 different reasons for it. D) Women do not want jerks. They do not want nice guys. We want GOOD MEN. If you understand this difference, you're doing good. Look, I truly feel for guys that struggle in the dating world. It's not easy for any of us. But there are alot of men out there that don't even try to understand women. That don't really appreciate women even while they want female companionship and love. And women subconciously can pick up on this. Understanding women takes alot of work. So it's much easier to say that women are the problem without looking inward to how a particular person might be contributing to the situation. This may be the best post I've seen on LS in a while. I've always done well with women. I'm not the type, nor do I have the ability, to pick up a different woman every night in a bar. I just know that I'm a good guy, and people see that in me. Sure, I've had my share of rejection because I'm not the guy that you see from across the room, and say, "Wow, he's hot." What I am is a person that is comfortable in his own skin, I'm intelligent, I'm witty, and I do the right thing 99 percent of the time. To be honest, there isn't all that much different from me and the guys that complain on this message board about not being able to meet women. I mean, I'm short, I'm asian, and I don't make a ton of money. However, I also don't lay the blame for whatever problems I have with dating at the feet of the opposite sex. There are plenty of women that won't give me the time of day due to one of the reasons I've stated above, but I know that its their loss for not getting to know me better. No worries, if they are so shortsighted, then they probably aren't the type of woman I want to be dating anyway.
Pfiend101 Posted May 9, 2010 Posted May 9, 2010 A woman wants a guy who she can change a man wants a woman who will stay the same. (Generally)
m12 Posted May 9, 2010 Posted May 9, 2010 Whenever this topic comes up on "nice guys', the story is different but the premise is the same. This "nice guy" business becomes a convient excuse to shift blame on women and not acknowledge a man's own incapability or lack of knowledge and experience in enjoying the process of learning how to relate to women on a level they will respond to. It's easier to blame another person then to look onto ourselves and see what we might be doing that might be turning off the opposite sex. What you say is sometimes the case. Some men do use the "nice guy" excuse when they fail at dating. It's far more complicated than that though. Many men are brought up to always treat women nicely and sometimes to always say "yes" to women. This does not work out so well in dating. Some men don't get why it's not working and they sometimes do the opposite and become jerks and other times give up dating entirely.
m12 Posted May 9, 2010 Posted May 9, 2010 Here are some very key, very honest, very true points on the "nice guy" dichonomy. A) Not all self proclaimed "nice guys" are truly all that nice. B) If you truly are a "nice guy", that will never and should never guarentee that a woman should be automatically attracted. C) Just because a man sees himself as a "nice guy" and gets rejected, doesn't mean that the reason he is getting rejected is because women want jerks and he was too nice. It just means she doesn't want this particutlar guy and there could be a 100 different reasons for it. D) Women do not want jerks. They do not want nice guys. We want GOOD MEN. If you understand this difference, you're doing good. Look, I truly feel for guys that struggle in the dating world. It's not easy for any of us. But there are alot of men out there that don't even try to understand women. That don't really appreciate women even while they want female companionship and love. And women subconciously can pick up on this. Understanding women takes alot of work. So it's much easier to say that women are the problem without looking inward to how a particular person might be contributing to the situation. You could also add that many jerks pretend to be nice guys with confidence at the beginning. They can do this very successfully. Eventually their true colors come out and they go on to the next woman. In some cases, the woman is going to respond to being burned by saying "no more nice guys".
Art_Critic Posted May 10, 2010 Posted May 10, 2010 If you compliment a bartender she will go into automatic mode of keeping you as a customer but not leading him on.. She is at work and isn't looking for dates.. she is looking for tips.. You tipped her didn't you ?.. she got what she needed out of her response.. Will you go back ?
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