Pfiend101 Posted May 9, 2010 Posted May 9, 2010 Don't worry shes a bartender with three kids. Sounds like she doesnt have much going for her besides her looks. You can do better I'm sure. Just blow it off. But ya gotta ask for her # next time. My ex left me for a guy who beat her. I don't really like hearing the nice word either.
Kaplan Posted May 9, 2010 Posted May 9, 2010 I think "you're nice" is a classic rejection, along with "that's sweet," but you can't really get rejected unless you ask her out or something.
Author mike1988 Posted May 9, 2010 Author Posted May 9, 2010 You talk about the fact this woman is a young mother as if it is something that cheapens her, that should make her lower her standards. Frankly, you don't sound very "nice" to me at all. You sounds like a whiny, judgemental jerk with a sense of entitlement. Maybe that's why women reject you. I don't think it "cheapens" her at all...in fact...I find myself more attracted to single mommies for some reason or another. I recall the OP was one who was brave, (or crazy) has shared his real life picture, which I think he's a good-looking man personally. I would feel lucky if the OP told me I was cute. As a woman who generally does not get compliments like "you're cute" in social settings, I would think she'd be very flattered for the compliment, maybe more then she let on. And because she maybe gets alot of them that is why she was so likable even though to her, she is just doing her job, and she's aware that she is considered attractive by most standards. I would take the advice already posted here and not worry so much that it's a rejection. Besides the next woman you feel is cute and tell, may react alot different and in a more receptive way, you never know! Yes...it was me: http://sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc3/hs525.snc3/29868_10150167657445061_503070060_12305839_996402_n.jpg I just guess I feel rejected that even when I try a nice "thank you" seems like a rejection. I don't understand how I can be that unattractive or whatever it is, that I turn women off. Many women stay with convicted felons or drug users...and try to think they can "change" the guy or "forgive him". Yet me, a former United States Air Force guy and a guy who plays guitar and likes the outdoors and treats women (contrary to what it may seem) with respect is immediately shot down and can only date and be intimate with women who were my age in the late 80s/early 90s.
Kamille Posted May 9, 2010 Posted May 9, 2010 Perhaps the problem isn't that you're not attractive enough, but that you don't know the basic steps to building attraction. I won't declare myself an expert at meeting women... After all, I'm a woman. But I'm sure a few people here on LS have a few ideas. People on this thread have already suggested: 1) Not considering things a rejection until you actually do make an attempt to get in touch with the person. 2) Realizing that bartenders are NOT the best person to hit on. 3) Bars might actually NOT be the best place to meet women.
femaletroubles Posted May 9, 2010 Posted May 9, 2010 Many men treat women badly because it makes them more attractive to women. You'd have to be a guy to understand it. It's horrible, I'd never do it, but it works. It disgusts me . its true, i've been the 100% nice guy -->girls loose interest quickly I've been the 100% rude boy -->girls get fed up with the uncaring What you need is a balance. You need to put her in her place sometimes, need to be distant, need to have her chasing you while you're not together. When you are together you mostly make them the center of your attention. balance
bananalaffytaffy Posted May 9, 2010 Posted May 9, 2010 That's not at all how I see it. He was hoping for something other than the word NICE. Way to jump to conclusions.No, way for HIM to jump to the conlusion that she'd just drop her drawers because he paid her a compliment! Anyway, OP, I read your post to my gorgeous ex bartender friend. After she stopped laughing, here's what she said: "The guy never had a chance. A bartender's job is to be nice, charming, cute, yada yada for tips. Any good bartender knows how to play a customer for good tips. Plus, rarely would any bartender I know date a patron for one simple reason- you don't sh#t where you eat." so looks like while you were playing her to get in her pants, she was just playing you for a good tip.
Taramere Posted May 9, 2010 Posted May 9, 2010 I can't even get a bartender hottie who is already a young mother to be sexually interested in me. I talked to her a bit on and off throughout the time I was there, and when I eventually said "I like you, you're cute" and her response was, "Aww, thanks...you're nice!" The barmaid's job is to serve you your booze politely and be friendly...but it's not her job to be your romantic saviour. I swear...I'm a red-blooded man...not a freakin' poodle. I hope you don't let it get to the stage where you're sitting on a barstool slurring out these words at some long suffering barmaid who's just trying to do an honest day's work. Maybe from now on I'll be mean towards women because it seems that if I am nice, I get turned down. I'm sure that being mean will just result in you getting slower service or removal from the bar altogether.
Author mike1988 Posted May 9, 2010 Author Posted May 9, 2010 The barmaid's job is to serve you your booze politely and be friendly...but it's not her job to be your romantic saviour. I hope you don't let it get to the stage where you're sitting on a barstool slurring out these words at some long suffering barmaid who's just trying to do an honest day's work. I'm sure that being mean will just result in you getting slower service or removal from the bar altogether. Maybe not at the bar, but maybe elsewhere if there is a girl I know I can't get, I'll be a little bit more of a jerk to try and attract her.
sweetjasmine Posted May 9, 2010 Posted May 9, 2010 Many men treat women badly because it makes them more attractive to women. You'd have to be a guy to understand it. It's horrible, I'd never do it, but it works. It disgusts me . It works on people who are insecure or broken and think of themselves as garbage who don't deserve Mr./Ms. Jerk. I don't even understand what you are trying to ask here. Bars are a horrible place to go if you are looking for more than a lay, and going for the bartender is kinda swinging for the fence. ^ That pretty much says it all. It's a bartender's job to be nice and flirty for tips. I thought everyone knew that.
Taramere Posted May 9, 2010 Posted May 9, 2010 Maybe not at the bar, but maybe elsewhere if there is a girl I know I can't get, I'll be a little bit more of a jerk to try and attract her. Funnily enough I was talking to someone about that old Jim Carrey film The Mask today, and it made me think about that whole nice guy/bad guy debate. From Zero to Hero...that was the tagline to the film, if I remember rightly. Maybe if we watch a clip of the Mask in action, it'll give you a few tips on going from zero to hero. Okay, so it's a bit over the top...but see how confident, friendly and fun he is? Not being the most sensitive person in the world doesn't automatically make a man a jerk. I know men who come out with crass comments at times due to their natural lack of insensitivity...but it's not like they want to hurt people. They just don't always put their brains in gear before opening their mouths. A sensitive man who deliberately sets out to wound, with the aim of getting a reputation as a jerk is something different. The likelihood is that women will just find you creepy and despicable if you behave like that. You're kidding yourself if you think you need to become a worse man, rather than a better one, in order to be appealing to women. It's probably more like you need to develop a bit of resilience, so that if a particular woman doesn't seem to find you attractive you can shrug it off and move on quickly. Apart from anything else, it often takes women a bit of time to build up an attraction to a man. By indicating some interest, then turning your attention elsewhere for a bit, you give her an opportunity to build up interest in you.
CLC2008 Posted May 9, 2010 Posted May 9, 2010 I've been called nice, and I am, so I take it as a compliment. I have sharp pinchers though in my defense
skydiveaddict Posted May 9, 2010 Posted May 9, 2010 I've been called nice, and I am, so I take it as a compliment. I have sharp pinchers though in my defense Yea but you're a girl. so it doesn't count
CLC2008 Posted May 9, 2010 Posted May 9, 2010 Yea but you're a girl. so it doesn't count Sure it does. Don't get me mad or I'll pinch you.
bananalaffytaffy Posted May 9, 2010 Posted May 9, 2010 Maybe not at the bar, but maybe elsewhere if there is a girl I know I can't get, I'll be a little bit more of a jerk to try and attract her.This is the most ridiculous thing I've read in a long time. I have no respect for men who can't be themselves, and think they have to play games. Sleep with dogs, you wake up with fleas.
skydiveaddict Posted May 9, 2010 Posted May 9, 2010 Sure it does. Don't get me mad or I'll pinch you. Everyone likes a "nice girl". Even one one w/pinchers A "nice guy" is a whole different story however. BTW, how hard do you pinch?
m12 Posted May 9, 2010 Posted May 9, 2010 I've been called nice, and I am, so I take it as a compliment. I have sharp pinchers though in my defense Being called nice is a compliment. Being told "you're a nice guy but __________" as a rejection is different.
skydiveaddict Posted May 9, 2010 Posted May 9, 2010 Being called nice is a compliment. Being told "you're a nice guy but __________" as a rejection is different. No you're wrong. If you are hitting on a girl and she calls you a "nice guy", you are history.
CLC2008 Posted May 9, 2010 Posted May 9, 2010 Being called nice is a compliment. Being told "you're a nice guy but __________" as a rejection is different. Every time I read a thread like this, I cringe. Rejection is rejection, and it hurts period. Do you know how many women I know, who are bitches and have men wrapped around their fingers? And some of these women are not what the average person would consider, "hot". It does not make a difference. If you want to be an a*shole, then be an as*hole, no one is stopping you... And sky, my pinches leave red marks
m12 Posted May 9, 2010 Posted May 9, 2010 No you're wrong. If you are hitting on a girl and she calls you a "nice guy", you are history. If "nice guy" is used by a woman as part of a rejection, it's not a good thing. If it's used in another context, it may be a good thing.
m12 Posted May 9, 2010 Posted May 9, 2010 Every time I read a thread like this, I cringe. Rejection is rejection, and it hurts period. Do you know how many women I know, who are bitches and have men wrapped around their fingers? And some of these women are not what the average person would consider, "hot". It does not make a difference. If you want to be an a*shole, then be an as*hole, no one is stopping you... And sky, my pinches leave red marks The way a woman rejects a man does make a difference. When I'm told "you're a nice guy but ____" it hurts more than the "not interested" rejection. Why is that? When the "nice guy" thing is used as part of a rejection, I'm not sure what to believe. If you're called a "nice guy" in another context, it can be a very good thing.
skydiveaddict Posted May 9, 2010 Posted May 9, 2010 If "nice guy" is used by a woman as part of a rejection, it's not a good thing. If it's used in another context, it may be a good thing. No no no! "nice guy" = sorry, I'm not interested, there are no exceptions
CLC2008 Posted May 9, 2010 Posted May 9, 2010 No no no! "nice guy" = sorry, I'm not interested, there are no exceptions Well yes that, but it doesn't necessarily mean because you're "nice". It could be because they're not attracted physically, it could be that they actually do think you're an as*hole. I.E. If a creepy guy approached a girl in a bar/lounge/out and about, whichever, and was acting like a jerk, it would be much easier for her to say "you seem like a nice guy", versus starting a ruckus.
skydiveaddict Posted May 9, 2010 Posted May 9, 2010 Well yes that, but it doesn't necessarily mean because you're "nice". It could be because they're not attracted physically, it could be that they actually do think you're an as*hole. I.E. If a creepy guy approached a girl in a bar/lounge/out and about, whichever, and was acting like a jerk, it would be much easier for her to say "you seem like a nice guy", versus starting a ruckus. You haven't convinced me.. Here's an example: two hot looking men hitting on the same girl. One is "nice", (quiet and shy), the other a jerk (aggressive and outspoken). The jerk will win every time.
CLC2008 Posted May 9, 2010 Posted May 9, 2010 You haven't convinced me.. Here's an example: two hot looking men hitting on the same girl. One is "nice", (quiet and shy), the other a jerk (aggressive and outspoken). The jerk will win every time. Fine. Same scenario: two hot women, one is quiet and reserved the other is outspoken, flirty, etc. Which one is the man naturally drawn too..
Author mike1988 Posted May 9, 2010 Author Posted May 9, 2010 It's probably more like you need to develop a bit of resilience, so that if a particular woman doesn't seem to find you attractive you can shrug it off and move on quickly. Apart from anything else, it often takes women a bit of time to build up an attraction to a man. By indicating some interest, then turning your attention elsewhere for a bit, you give her an opportunity to build up interest in you. I've heard it takes about 30 seconds for a woman to decide whether or not she'd ever be intimate with a man.
Recommended Posts