Moving on or waiting?

[ChrisH]

Hey there, I'd like to tell the story of my breakup and see what you guys have to say to it since I don't know what to do. I'll try to keep it short.

 

My exgirlfriend and me got to know each other through an online game. She was 13, lived in the UK and had a boyfriend from Denmark at that time. I'm from Germany and was 21, we got along quite well, as friends and we never really wanted more from each other. After about a year she had a hard time with her guy and broke up with him. During that time we got quite close and in the end I asked her out and she said yes.

 

We had amazing three years together and I visited her as often as I could. We kept it a secret from her parents at first (although I assume they knew it) and later she confessed to them, but they were okay with it and really liked me.

 

We are great when we are together and we both felt like this is it (it was the first real relationship for both of us) but the distance of course made it hard for the rest of the time.

 

Pretty much on the day of our three years anniversary we had sex the first time in a hotel she booked for us (she had a few family issues and was nervous when we got kinky at home so it never happened before but I respected it of course).

 

Now she was supposed to come over to me in April for the first time, I already brought the tickets and it was all set. But two weeks before she said it didn't feel right to her anymore, we're arguing often over little things, we didn't get into a real lovey-dovey mood any more. But her major complain was that I, although I tried like hell, couldn't get a job for the whole time and that we rarely see each other so that she couldn't take it anymore. And since I was home and without anything to do all day my whole life was basically about her: She had all the stories to tell when she came home while I didn't had anything new to talk about and all we could do was to chat and maybe play a game together. She said it felt like she had to live two lifes. So she broke up with me.

 

Since it was my first break up I didn't know how to act so the first few weeks I was normal, getting angry at her at times, but mostly I was confused and had so many questions. She instead didn't show up online as much anymore, rarely really. She told me she is very busy with collage, meeting up with friends and just having a good time, which she enjoys. That things change and it's sad but this is how it is now and she doesn't want to be stuck on the sad feelings.

 

Last week she told me that she met a new guy and although she doesn't love him yet they kissed and they are dating now. That's when I really started to talk to my friends which told me to cancel all contact and how I ended up here too.

 

Now my problem is that she said in the beginning that she wouldn't be surprised if we got together again one day and maybe we could try again when things change for me (like a job). But over time this got less and less and recently she told me 'I never said anything like that, sorry for giving you false hopes'. I believe her that she was sad for a while and she keeps saying that she still loves me but she doesn't sound at all as if there is still a chance.

 

Since the No Contact I feel a bit better but I have bad fallbacks at times. I realized what I did wrong in the relationship and what I can change but there is no way I can predict if and when I get a job in the near future. Her new boyfriend is 24 (she's 18 soon), lives close to her and has a job.

 

So what should I do? Move on and forget about her and the past three years? Or try to get my act together and ask her for a second chance once I have a job and so on? I love her madly and I was always willing to do everything for her (we went through a lot and I did way too much for her... guess I felt bad about a lot of things).

 

Since the NC I initiated on Monday she messaged me on Tuesday asking me if I was okay, I didn't reply at first, then she rang my phone (a sign that I'm supposed to come online or atleast react), I didn't pick up or went online but replied to her text with that I'm fine and that I hope she is too. Since then there was nothing else at all.

 

Okay sorry for this long rant. I hope you experienced people can give me a hint how to go on from here and mostly where too. Thank you!

[ADF]

You're 21 and romancing a 13 year old. My friend, you need psychiatric help or, barring that, a locked prison cell.

[ChrisH]

Well, like I said she was 13 when we got to know each other. We were just friends then and didn't do anything resembling romance back then. We got together when she was 14 or 15 and now she is almost 18. Besides I'm not with her any more since she broke up with me, now she is with another 24 year old (I guess she likes the older kind).