DreamerGirl27 Posted May 9, 2010 Posted May 9, 2010 I am so giving up on this guy friend that I have, because he has told me flat out he doesn't like me like that and recently something kind of blew up online with him...so I am just going to forget about him, because I won't see him anymore anyway, unless he asks to hang out, and I don't think that is going to happen...but, I want other people's opinion on something. If a guy pays, do you consider that a date? He's payed for me both times we've been out now. I, personally, consider a guy paying a date. I just want other people's opinions. I was just reading some other guy's post about how he specifically did NOT pay for a girl he went to lunch with so she knew it wasn't a date. Isn't that like, the courteous thing to do so not to create confusion? Especially if he told you he DOESN'T like you? Why would a guy pay for you if he is trying to get the point across he wants you as just a friend? This guy has bought me coffee...and a drink. The second time I tried to pay for myself, too. He wouldn't have it. Is that him just being plain confusing and leading me on?
Citizen Erased Posted May 9, 2010 Posted May 9, 2010 He might just be being polite, some guys do that.
Kamille Posted May 9, 2010 Posted May 9, 2010 Some men feel it is masculine to pay for a meal, drink or coffee whenever they are with a woman. Two of my coworkers are like that. There's nothing between us, but whenever we go out for coffee, they insist on paying. It's a pride thing I think. Kind of like: "A gentleman always pays for ladies". So I wouldn't read into it if I were you. A man who is into you wouldn't tell you he isn't into you. In short, paying for a meal doesn't automatically make the meal a "date".
BubbleFreak Posted May 9, 2010 Posted May 9, 2010 It could just be how he was raised, to always pay when with a woman. In some cultures it's the norm. It doesn't necessarily mean he likes her. As was said above, a man who likes you wouldn't tell you he doesn't like you. It just doesn't make sense for him to do that (and mind games suck). Find a guy that really likes you;)
mike1988 Posted May 9, 2010 Posted May 9, 2010 I think of it as a date, my only problem is when I try and pay, they refuse. Basically from that point of the night forward, I know she doesn't want it to be a "date", and doesn't like me "like that". - Experience proved right two weeks ago Friday
sally4sara Posted May 9, 2010 Posted May 9, 2010 I've bought beverage/food for people I have no sexual interest in. If I were out with a male friend (strictly platonic) and he decided to spring for beverage/food for us both, I wouldn't feel compelled to call it a date just because he did this. I think perhaps, because you would like it to have been a date, you are more likely to look at things that seem to lend possibility to what you want to happen.
VertexSquared Posted May 9, 2010 Posted May 9, 2010 I've paid for meals before when I would just go out with a female friend (even with no interest) although I don't really do this anymore. It's just that I've sort of grown up with this notion that it's gentlemanly to do so.
Kaplan Posted May 9, 2010 Posted May 9, 2010 No, it definitely doesn't make it a date. Especially if it was just a cup of coffee, but even if he bought you dinner, that doesn't mean it's a date.
AngryTroll Posted May 9, 2010 Posted May 9, 2010 Following everyone else, no it is not a date, he's being polite.
SadandConfusedWA Posted May 9, 2010 Posted May 9, 2010 It's not a date; I have had male co-workers pay for everything like lunch, coffee, drink even my train ticket (or taxi). They all have partners and have no romantic interest whatsoever, they are just being kind. Having read your threads, I think that you should take "I don't like you" as "I don't like you" and if you don't want to be friends with this guy it's time to cut him off. I do think that he enjoys the ego boost of you liking him but that's all. Occassionaly men will want to be just friends too (and it happened to me once).
Author DreamerGirl27 Posted May 9, 2010 Author Posted May 9, 2010 I think of it as a date, my only problem is when I try and pay, they refuse. Basically from that point of the night forward, I know she doesn't want it to be a "date", and doesn't like me "like that". - Experience proved right two weeks ago Friday It's funny, that the only person with a guys screen name in here (not saying all of these were responses from girls, but it just looks that way) is the only one saying that it is a date. I still think of it as it is. You don't pay for your "friends". I just find that awkward and sending the wrong signals. Especially if you are trying to let her know you don't like her. If he wasn't trying to make it clear he doesn't like me, that would be different.
Author DreamerGirl27 Posted May 10, 2010 Author Posted May 10, 2010 Really? You've never had lunch or dinner with a friend of yours and got the tab, or they got the tab? I've had this done sometimes as the giver and sometimes as the receiver with both my male and female friends. BTW, Vertex is a male. Yes...with girlfriends. I don't have any guy friends. The ones that I do have don't talk to me or ask me to hang out. The only one that does I just so happen to like and he doesn't like me. That's why this is even more difficult.
Author DreamerGirl27 Posted May 10, 2010 Author Posted May 10, 2010 BTW, Vertex said he doesn't do that anymore...
Author DreamerGirl27 Posted May 10, 2010 Author Posted May 10, 2010 I think of it as a date, my only problem is when I try and pay, they refuse. Basically from that point of the night forward, I know she doesn't want it to be a "date", and doesn't like me "like that". - Experience proved right two weeks ago Friday I have done this. If I REALLY don't like a guy, I will not let him pay for me.
Frontliner Posted May 10, 2010 Posted May 10, 2010 I am so giving up on this guy friend that I have, because he has told me flat out he doesn't like me like that and recently something kind of blew up online with him...so I am just going to forget about him, because I won't see him anymore anyway, unless he asks to hang out, and I don't think that is going to happen...but, I want other people's opinion on something. If a guy pays, do you consider that a date? He's payed for me both times we've been out now. I, personally, consider a guy paying a date. I just want other people's opinions. I was just reading some other guy's post about how he specifically did NOT pay for a girl he went to lunch with so she knew it wasn't a date. Isn't that like, the courteous thing to do so not to create confusion? Especially if he told you he DOESN'T like you? Why would a guy pay for you if he is trying to get the point across he wants you as just a friend? This guy has bought me coffee...and a drink. The second time I tried to pay for myself, too. He wouldn't have it. Is that him just being plain confusing and leading me on? It definitely sounds like a date. And it seems pretty obvious to me that he likes you. He's probably just too shy to say it, or he's worried about losing you as a friend.
D-Lish Posted May 10, 2010 Posted May 10, 2010 It's funny, that the only person with a guys screen name in here (not saying all of these were responses from girls, but it just looks that way) is the only one saying that it is a date. I still think of it as it is. You don't pay for your "friends". I just find that awkward and sending the wrong signals. Especially if you are trying to let her know you don't like her. If he wasn't trying to make it clear he doesn't like me, that would be different. Which he specifically said he didn't- in that way.
Kaplan Posted May 10, 2010 Posted May 10, 2010 It's funny, that the only person with a guys screen name in here (not saying all of these were responses from girls, but it just looks that way) is the only one saying that it is a date. I still think of it as it is. You don't pay for your "friends". I just find that awkward and sending the wrong signals. Especially if you are trying to let her know you don't like her. If he wasn't trying to make it clear he doesn't like me, that would be different. I'm a guy. I'd definitely buy a cup of coffee for my female friend. I'd even pay for dinner. I don't ever think about what's a date and what isn't. Sometimes (when it comes to drinks and coffee) I'll pay for a guy friend or vice versa, but it's different because there's always some sense that he'll "get you back" some other time. With girls I always feel paying is the right thing to do. I'm not sure why. Sadly, I think the tradition of men paying for women might have come from a time when women weren't allowed to have money. As for your particular situation, DreamerGirl, I don't think you should be too quick to assume that it's a date, simply for the fact that he said he didn't like you like that. Since he told you before that he wasn't interested, it doesn't make sense that he would go into it thinking of it as a date without clarifying that it was a date. That being said, it's always possible that his feelings for you can (or already have changed) since the time he said he didn't "like" you.
caseinpoint Posted May 10, 2010 Posted May 10, 2010 This is an offshoot. But how would you "label" it if a guy insists on paying and says to the girl that she can take the next one?
Kaplan Posted May 10, 2010 Posted May 10, 2010 This is an offshoot. But how would you "label" it if a guy insists on paying and says to the girl that she can take the next one? That's obviously a friend thing. It's the same as splitting the bill.
Author DreamerGirl27 Posted May 10, 2010 Author Posted May 10, 2010 I'm a guy. I'd definitely buy a cup of coffee for my female friend. I'd even pay for dinner. I don't ever think about what's a date and what isn't. Sometimes (when it comes to drinks and coffee) I'll pay for a guy friend or vice versa, but it's different because there's always some sense that he'll "get you back" some other time. With girls I always feel paying is the right thing to do. I'm not sure why. Sadly, I think the tradition of men paying for women might have come from a time when women weren't allowed to have money. As for your particular situation, DreamerGirl, I don't think you should be too quick to assume that it's a date, simply for the fact that he said he didn't like you like that. Since he told you before that he wasn't interested, it doesn't make sense that he would go into it thinking of it as a date without clarifying that it was a date. That being said, it's always possible that his feelings for you can (or already have changed) since the time he said he didn't "like" you. He payed for me before he told me he didn't like me.
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