vintagecat Posted May 9, 2010 Posted May 9, 2010 To the original poster: It sounds to me like those comments heard at your place of work were made by young or very immature people. Consider the source. Avoid putting yourself out there for that sort of judgement in the workplace. Being an older female that's been around the block a few times and having worked in a very male dominated field for over 25 years, I saw women get that type of commentary far more often when attempting to look sexy or "hot" than the women who were equally or more attractive but kept it under wraps at work. But having said that, I am also aware that one could come to work in a potato sack and occasionally elicit that type of commentary from the sophomoric element. At over 50, graying, and no longer svelte, I still find even much younger guys occasionally "looking". Like yesterday much to my surprise, at the big box home store with me in my dirt streaked work jeans after a day of digging in the yard. Who knows what the mysterious magic element of attraction contains? IMO, it's all in the attitude, accomplishment, intelligence. Yes, I'm no longer anywhere near as purely aesthetically pleasing as I used to be but to quote a line from the Madonna song Material Girl, "experience has made me rich and now they're after me". I'm also happy and secure in the love of a good marriage to my best friend which I'm sure shows in my bearing. I wonder if your husband's roving eye on your trip to the lingerie shop (the worst possible time unfortunately) isn't the cause of your angst. If you can talk to him about this incident and others (if this is a repeated pattern) I'd do it and the sooner, the better. Congratulations on your workplace award. Enjoy your accomplishments and what you do have rather than regret lost youth. That is a road paved with much unhappiness.
Green Posted May 9, 2010 Posted May 9, 2010 When your husband does things like stare at women and coment about it that is just rude. I can see how rudeness like this would hurt your feelings. What I don't agree with is letting something you husband does change the way you think about yourself. Even if your husband does cheat on you it doesn't make you a lesser woman. Even teenagers and twenty something women go through what you describe. The man with a wandering eye and insensitive coments can happen to anyone.
Author Peitho Posted May 9, 2010 Author Posted May 9, 2010 Thanks guys Just to clarify, those comments were made by a group of men 40 and over. A group of men that I otherwise respect (professionally). Men who respect me professionally. I would never expect them talk about me like that – it look like whatever I do, I will still be a middle aged women in their eyes, not an accomplished professional. And I dress very conservatively for work and never drink too much at work functions. I am friendly, but far from flirty. I am old enough to know how to behave at work. Maybe that’s why I found the comments so hurtful. I wonder if your husband's roving eye on your trip to the lingerie shop (the worst possible time unfortunately) isn't the cause of your angst. Well it is. It is everything - the combination of events that made me think that every man in the world thinks the same. I'll be over it (hopefully soon), but I'm still feeling so ... old... I'll talk to my H, but how will that change anything - even if he thinks that I am old and less desirable than younger women, he won't tell me that. He will not be any more attracted to me or less to younger women if I tell him that's how it should be. I am a little confused - what would be the purpose of the talk? Just to vent?
Author Peitho Posted May 9, 2010 Author Posted May 9, 2010 And you are all right, I should let any of this change how I feel about myself. I know. But to be honest, I'm struggling
LoveLace Posted May 9, 2010 Posted May 9, 2010 No point in letting the age part get to you. Focus on your self esteem because that is what gives off attraction. Do what it takes, in a healthy way, to make you feel as confident as you desire to feel. Hit the gym, get your hair done, whatever. If you hear about "young hot females"...its appropriate to think of yourself as one of them. Long as your self esteem allows it. When your 80 and everything is sagging, then you will miss what you are now! Lol. So take care of it like a baby and flaunt it! I'm in my 30s and already hear about "young hot" gals of their 20s...and you know what, I make a point to avoid men who obsess over that, because there are plenty men who don't.....
stillafool Posted May 9, 2010 Posted May 9, 2010 I am better in a certain way… in many ways But no one really seems to appreciate that … even if they do, it’s always ‘she is in her late 40s and doesn’t look her best any more….but she is amazing at …[what I do]” or “it looks like she was a real hottie when she was young..” and that is at work. My H looks at sexy young girls all the time... it's not just my perception, it's what most men (of any age) find attractive Well like they say, every dog has it's day. Not saying you or me were ever dogs. I am a middle aged woman as well but luckily my h makes me feel desireable. Yeah, he may look at a hot young thing now and then but doesn't do it in fron of me. Heck, I look at young hot men as well. Youth is attractive and there's no denying that. I wouldn't want to be in my 20's again for anything and let me tell you I had the time of my life back then. However, I love my life now and my body so I am just enjoying each of life's stages as they come.
witabix Posted May 9, 2010 Posted May 9, 2010 ...................... Well it is. It is everything - the combination of events that made me think that every man in the world thinks the same. I'll be over it (hopefully soon), but I'm still feeling so ... old... I know that feeling. I'll talk to my H, but how will that change anything - even if he thinks that I am old and less desirable than younger women, he won't tell me that. He will not be any more attracted to me or less to younger women if I tell him that's how it should be. I am a little confused - what would be the purpose of the talk? Just to vent? The purpose IMO would be to let your SO know how you feel, not in a ranting, nagging or whing way that you are feeling vulnerable because of all the things you mentioned on this thread. I am sure he will understand, he may even be feeling the same way himself, maybe the ogling is his symptom of increasing age and a sign of his own interior struggles with getting older.
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