Peitho Posted May 9, 2010 Posted May 9, 2010 I am 47 years old. Somewhat unfit due to physical issues, but very sexual. Most of my life I was slim, but I did put on some weight over the past 2,3 years. I am probably borderline overweight now. Even when I lost weight at one stage, I was still.. you know …old Everywhere around me people talk about sexy young females. I feel like I should just hide in the corner and die. Just because I am old and slightly overweight. (I can lose weight, but there is no way I can get any younger) Professionally, I am successful in what I am doing. I am trying to focus on my career, but I am a woman… i want to be desired
Green Posted May 9, 2010 Posted May 9, 2010 So is this in the cheating section because you are afraid of being cheated on? Getting old is just part of life, beats the alternative. Try to be happy with who you are!
Author Peitho Posted May 9, 2010 Author Posted May 9, 2010 In terms of ‘female’ value, I am become worse and worse… I am not blind, I see what my H is looking at…
Green Posted May 9, 2010 Posted May 9, 2010 Stop worrying about what might happen and try to enjoy what you have. The only thing to fear is fear itself. You are only as old as you feel. Don't you love it when you meet a really old person say 80 or 90 who is so happy and full of life, who just wants to enjoy every day. Just give yourself the ok to have fun and enjoy life. Time is on your side, its not an enemy... how boring would everything be if it never ended or changed.
witabix Posted May 9, 2010 Posted May 9, 2010 In terms of ‘female’ value, I am become worse and worse… I am not blind, I see what my H is looking at… No. No you don't. You see what you see through your own eyes, perceptions and preconceptions. I bet your H doesn't say any of this to you, does he? I am constantly amazed by the number of women who go through this 'I am too{old, fat, ugly, skinny, short, tall.. ad infinitum.....}' Being 'old' at 47, I am a little older, and male, I don't look like Brad Pitt anymore. Then again I never did! Bald, few pounds overweight, lots of scars, etc.. But it does not matter. As you grow older you grow. You know more now, not less. You have more experience, not less. These are all part of your makeup now, added bonus value. Let other people see whatever the hell they want to see. Be postive, be beautiful, and anyone that disagrees can 'have a big mug of shut the hell up'. (Saw that on someones avatar)
Author Peitho Posted May 9, 2010 Author Posted May 9, 2010 I am better in a certain way… in many ways But no one really seems to appreciate that … even if they do, it’s always ‘she is in her late 40s and doesn’t look her best any more….but she is amazing at …[what I do]” or “it looks like she was a real hottie when she was young..” and that is at work. My H looks at sexy young girls all the time... it's not just my perception, it's what most men (of any age) find attractive
witabix Posted May 9, 2010 Posted May 9, 2010 I am better in a certain way… in many ways But no one really seems to appreciate that … even if they do, it’s always ‘she is in her late 40s and doesn’t look her best any more….but she is amazing at …[what I do]” or “it looks like she was a real hottie when she was young..” and that is at work. My H looks at sexy young girls all the time... it's not just my perception, it's what most men (of any age) find attractive Ok, this might seem like some kind of phoney cyber-psychology horse-feathers but that very first line. The hesitancy in not saying outright 'I am better in many ways'. Speaks volumes about your confidence. Thats what you should be saying to youself 'I am better in many ways'. No one seems to realise, you know why? Because most people who don't realise things like this are stupid. Who has been saying this kind of stuff anyway? If you look like you were like a 'real hottie' when you were younger that probably means you still look very attractive. I know when I see a woman who I think may have been 'a hottie' (Thats a dreadful American phrase) when she was younger its because she is very attractive now. And there is the difference, a young woman can have all the beauty of youth (High hottie rating), but they almost invariably lack the indefinable qualities of beauty and poise that a woman in her forties or above has. One of the most attractive women I have ever known was 4'10", chain smoker, with ass length grey hair and a figure like a beach ball. She was seventy and I was a teenager. She was my tutor, so no bad thoughts please. She was fascinating, spoke about six languages, taught maths, insisted on manners etc etc. She informed my early life with her attitudes to the rest of the world. Be yourself, don't be shalllow, be proud but not arrogant. She even made me read books on ettiquete. People are more and more being defined by the media, look sexy, be young, be slim and trendy. Look like the person in the advert. Don't fall prey to conformity to mass ideal, it is not real, it does not exist. Your husband looks at young women all the time? Does he work in shoe shop or something?
Author Peitho Posted May 9, 2010 Author Posted May 9, 2010 Oh witabix, thank you so much! You are right; I lost a lot of confidence lately. Both examples I gave are real life examples and it is how people at work talked about me. I mean, I’ve done something extraordinary at work (got an award for that) but when they talk about me this is what they say. I felt so low when I heard that. It meant to me that no matter how well I perform at work, I will be still judged based on my looks. My husband: What prompted me to post this is this situation – we were shopping for some lingerie for me… well, for us … I was so excited and totally into our little games. I thought he was too. A shop assistant was a young moderately attractive girl (well, for my taste). I turned my head to look at my H and he was staring at her boobs. He noticed and said: how can you NOT look? Needless to say, our planned sexy night didn’t happen
Author Peitho Posted May 9, 2010 Author Posted May 9, 2010 The only thing to fear is fear itself. ... how boring would everything be if it never ended or changed. So true... I just feel like no one will ever desire me again...
witabix Posted May 9, 2010 Posted May 9, 2010 Oh witabix, thank you so much! You are right; I lost a lot of confidence lately. Both examples I gave are real life examples and it is how people at work talked about me. I mean, I’ve done something extraordinary at work (got an award for that) but when they talk about me this is what they say. I felt so low when I heard that. It meant to me that no matter how well I perform at work, I will be still judged based on my looks. Well all I can say is to rehash an earlier comment. Most people are stupid. Anyone with a modicum of commensense would know that such attitudes demean other people. If someone said to me I bet you were handsome when you were younger, I would say I was younger when you started that sentence. You must not allow the shallowness of others to inform your self confidence. You know your value, you have had it publicly demonstrated with an award. If they are the types who can be so mean spirited that is there problem, its probably jealousy. My husband: What prompted me to post this is this situation – we were shopping for some lingerie for me… well, for us … I was so excited and totally into our little games. I thought he was too. A shop assistant was a young moderately attractive girl (well, for my taste). I turned my head to look at my H and he was staring at her boobs. He noticed and said: how can you NOT look? Needless to say, our planned sexy night didn’t happen I think you may have over reacted here a little. He was into your little games. It seems that its another sign you are sexy and attractive. No one I know has ever successfully made love to lingerie that was not adorning the body of a woman, in this day and age I should probably say woman/man. Many people will say its just looking, but I agree that it is offensive for a man to stare at another womans body, especially when his SO is there. It shows insensitivity and perhaps an unawareness of how your confidence has slipped a bit recently. It is certainly not a behaviour that would boost a girls morale. Tell him how you feel without making it sound like it's his fault. Men are really good at feeling like they are being accused. The answer to your husbands question by the way is :- "Gentlemen do not gawk at womens breasts, you must be old enough now to control your eyes. It'll be soon enough when you lose control over your bowels you ignoramus!"
Bejita463 Posted May 9, 2010 Posted May 9, 2010 So is this in the cheating section because you are afraid of being cheated on? It might be in the cheating, flirting, and jealousy forum because she is jealous of younger women, and wants to be flirted with more than is currently occurring. Maybe.
reboot Posted May 9, 2010 Posted May 9, 2010 it's what most men (of any age) find attractive You can't speak for most men. My wife is 46, she's packed on a few pounds, and she has some lines around her eyes now and I wouldn't trade her for all the 20 year olds in town. No young woman could ever match her knowledge and experience, her abilty to please me. A sexy, mature woman is as sexy as sexy gets. Do I still look sometimes? Sure. It's almost impossible for a man not to look. If it's just hanging out there we're going to notice it. We're programmed that way. But looking and desiring aren't necessarily the same thing. The mere fact that your husband was was out shopping for lingere with you tells me you still do it for him. Your insecurities may be causing you to do him a real disservice. Besides, what does it matter where you get your appetite as long as you eat at home?
ICouldSayTheSame Posted May 9, 2010 Posted May 9, 2010 Besides, what does it matter where you get your appetite as long as you eat at home? Personally, I wouldn't like it if my girlfriend's appetite came from someone other than me. That would show that I don't do it for her as much as other people can.
reboot Posted May 9, 2010 Posted May 9, 2010 Personally, I wouldn't like it if my girlfriend's appetite came from someone other than me. That would show that I don't do it for her as much as other people can. So if she watched porn with you you'd decide if it turned her on you didn't do it for her?
ICouldSayTheSame Posted May 9, 2010 Posted May 9, 2010 So if she watched porn with you you'd decide if it turned her on you didn't do it for her? Well no, I thought you meant if she was out in the street, saw a "hot" guy, got turned on and then came home and wanted sex. Then I would think I didn't do it for her.
reboot Posted May 9, 2010 Posted May 9, 2010 Well no, I thought you meant if she was out in the street, saw a "hot" guy, got turned on and then came home and wanted sex. Then I would think I didn't do it for her. What's the difference?
ICouldSayTheSame Posted May 9, 2010 Posted May 9, 2010 What's the difference? Well, with porn, I would imagine that she was getting turned on because she was imagining us doing what they were doing on screen. With a "hot" guy, I would imagine it was his attractiveness that turned her on... I wouldn't wanna have sex with her if that was the reason, because the idea of other people turning her on creates a lot of insecurities in my head and turns me off. My mind isn't that stable tbh.
ICouldSayTheSame Posted May 9, 2010 Posted May 9, 2010 You sound real young. 18 dude. Had a couple rough relationships which haven't helped. Came here with a problem myself ha.
reboot Posted May 9, 2010 Posted May 9, 2010 The older you get, the more you realize that much of the crap we spend most of our time worrying about is just, well, crap. Life is too short and too hard. When and if you accidentally find someone that makes you happy, don't muck it up sweating the small stuff. Funny, I think I'm speaking to myself now. This may be an epiphany.
Bejita463 Posted May 9, 2010 Posted May 9, 2010 The older you get, the more you realize that much of the crap we spend most of our time worrying about is just, well, crap. Life is too short and too hard. When and if you accidentally find someone that makes you happy, don't muck it up sweating the small stuff. Funny, I think I'm speaking to myself now. This may be an epiphany. That is something these forums consistently amaze me with. The seemingly good relationships (the type I would consider myself extremely lucky to find) that people just throw away on a regular basis. Why? For small things, trivial things, and sometimes nothing.
Author Peitho Posted May 9, 2010 Author Posted May 9, 2010 I don’t know… Those small things don’t really look that small from where I stand. When I was younger I never thought I would feel this way. I thought I would age gracefully and I thought my hubby would age too and would not be attracted to the girls that could be his daughters or grand daughters… That is the part gets me (and the reason I posted in Jealousy forum). I am happy being old(er) sexy women with an old(er) sexy man. But when that man looks at those young chicks in ‘that’ way – it just brings me down. I am old enough to know I can’t let anyone or anything to do that to me – but this is my husband, I am vulnerable when it comes to him. Do men really find older women attractive? More attractive that the younger ones? Really???
Bejita463 Posted May 9, 2010 Posted May 9, 2010 Just for clarification, I was speaking in general in my previous post, not at you. Recognizing or noticing someone is attractive does not necessarily imply that they are desired. Even were it desire, they aren't who he chose are they?
ICouldSayTheSame Posted May 9, 2010 Posted May 9, 2010 I am happy being old(er) sexy women with an old(er) sexy man. But when that man looks at those young chicks in ‘that’ way – it just brings me down. I am old enough to know I can’t let anyone or anything to do that to me – but this is my husband, I am vulnerable when it comes to him. Do men really find older women attractive? More attractive that the younger ones? Really??? I can't speak for every guy on the planet, but I know a lot of guys find older women attractive because they're more wise, more experienced and are going to be easier in a relationship from the point of view, young people tend to be foolish. That is something these forums consistently amaze me with. The seemingly good relationships (the type I would consider myself extremely lucky to find) that people just throw away on a regular basis. Why? For small things, trivial things, and sometimes nothing. People don't throw them away for the hell of it. There's probably always a decent reason, such as personal problems, jealousies and what-not... You see them as us being lucky, but if you were in the situation, you might experience similar problems.. Just varies between people... Can't hate on them for that. The older you get, the more you realize that much of the crap we spend most of our time worrying about is just, well, crap. Life is too short and too hard. When and if you accidentally find someone that makes you happy, don't muck it up sweating the small stuff. Funny, I think I'm speaking to myself now. This may be an epiphany. That last sentence made me laugh. But sadly, you're right... I have found someone that makes me happy and I think I am just sweating over the small stuff.. Though I don't know, which is why I came here with my problem. I guess we'll see.
Bejita463 Posted May 9, 2010 Posted May 9, 2010 People don't throw them away for the hell of it. There's probably always a decent reason, such as personal problems, jealousies and what-not... You see them as us being lucky, but if you were in the situation, you might experience similar problems.. Just varies between people... Can't hate on them for that. Jealousy by itself, is not a decent reason. Unless the problem is your partner is being overly jealous. Clearly there are underlying issues or people wouldn't do a lot of the things they do, but you don't have to go far on these forums to find numerous stories where someone describes their perfect partner, HAS that partner, and cheats on or leaves them anyway. It's a waste. If you have your 'perfect' partner, and can cheat on or leave them and honestly say you don't know why you did it, you have absolutely no sympathy from me. No relationship is problem free, but a good relationship is worth fighting for, and if you aren't willing to do that, it is throwing it away. ("You" is meant to be a general statement here)
Recommended Posts