ConfusGuy Posted May 9, 2010 Posted May 9, 2010 Hey, I am a first time poster here and I just found this forum by accident. Anyway here is my situation and I am a bit confuse (hence the name lol) of what I should do. Here is my story, I've met this girl last year in one of my classes, she sat next to me one time and naturally, I talked to her. We played hangman and some other games cause the class was EXTRA boring. I got her name and I gave her mine. Nothing major or anything, it was a casual encounter. After the following weeks, I changed my seat to the front where my friends are sitting. She always sat at the back and I thought she already forgot about me. Although, I find her very pretty, I am not attracted to her yet. So I didn't care. Whenever we pass each other, We would just glance at each other and walk away. Then I didn't see her for a while after that. We never talked after that one time she sat next to me. Fast forward to start of Spring semester (I am in college) and I finally decided to make a facebook cause I was bored. (yes I am lateeeeee in the whole facebook thing) I don't know who invited who, but I became FB friends with her. Then to my surprise, she posted at my wall that while cleaning her old notes, she found that "hangman" game we played and she wished we sat next to each other more. I just replied with "yea I totally beat you" etc. When school started, I found out that I had 2 classes with her but again, I am not attracted to her yet. I didn't sit next to her in any of the classes but would always bring up the "oh lets play hangman" etc. But it never happened. It was cool, I didn't care but as the months pass by, my friends and her friends became friends. Our friends meshed together and we would often eat lunch as a big group. I wished I could have stayed in school more but since I work, I could only "hang" during once a week. So I couldn't spend alot of time to get to know her. Anyway, In the short time that I do spend with them, I started to like this girl. More than looks, I like her personality (Im a sucker for a good one). She's the type of girl thats modest and sweet. Totally PG rating yknow?. I told my friend that I think I am starting to like her etc and for some reason, it got out. Like people knew I "kinda" like her. Although, me and her don;t really talk when we're with our friends. Small talk here and there only. You see she's on the shy side and I am on the "w/e" side. It was hard for me to start a conversation with her but I didn't mind. I still like her. So weeks pass, same old routine, I hang out here and there. Party with her (together with OUR friends) etc. Nothing major, I liked her more and more. People "kinda" knew I like her but because being myself, I always talk about other girls and my friend would also talk about them to me too. I always wanted to tell her that I like her but just didnt know how. I asked her 2 friends how my chances are and they both said "not too good". Although, she never said outright that she doesn't like me, my name never comes up but she already knows that I do like her but I am stubborn S.O.B. and still wanted to find out for myself. One random night, we were playing Scrabble and she very excitedly I'M's me how, this guy she knew from middle school just message her and how he thought she was the prettiest girl in 8th grade and she was ecstatic. She was gonna meet the guy cause he was back in town. After we played, for some reason I had the courage to tell her that I do like her too. So i called her up and told her that I like her. Her response was "Oh I don't know what to say, I am bit surprised cause I thought you didn't like me anymore. I was getting a player vibe from you" in which I responded, "oh, of course I admire other girls but I LIKE you" etc. She responded "thank you for telling me, and I hope it wouldn't be awkward between you and me" I reassured her that it wouldn't be and that I can't force her to like someone else. She was surprised that "we were actually talking" I go "yea" and then we just talked for like one hour, I just teased her a bit and just made the conversation light hearted etc. So the truth was out. BTW I didn't hear the word lets just be friends once or anything related to that. Our relation changed right after I told her. We would talk more and finally I could just be myself. I thought it was going great because our chemistry was improving. She never mentioned the "guy" whenever we talk etc. One day, I read that shes bored in her status update so I told her that I'll be in of our friends house that day and she could come if she wants. She agreed but told me she's going somewhere later that night and couldnt stay long. So I go, its fine. She came to the house and we ate pizza. Then I find out that she was going to meet the "guy" that night who lives 45 minutes away. She told me and my other guy friend that we should go with her. We were going to pick up one other friend to come with us. While driving to the girl's house, I was fine with it. You know. But then I realize I gotta save my pride and so I told her to drive me home. I made up a lie just so I can go home and she did drive me home. The next day, I found out that they didn't meet the guy altho they already drove there, our friend started getting sick and started throwing up. So they decided to just go home. She IM's me and ask me if I wanted to go to the beach and I said yea. It was already 2pm and nearest beach was 1 hour away. We tried calling people to come but nobody wanted to go. It was spur of the moment thing. So it ended up just being me and her. Although, I drove to the beach, it got too cold for us to stay. We stayed literally for 2 minutes cause we were both wearing "summer" clothes and we were both cold. Our conversation in the car was again light hearted. We teased each other etc. I casually touch her hair , shoulders etc (I always touch her so she knows I want to be more than friend) So I drove us to one of our mutual friend's house where he was having bbq. We ate and just left after that. While driving to her house, she brought up the fact she was the only few single girls left in our "clique". In which I just brushed it off cause she already knows I like her and I am just waiting for her to reciprocate. BTW I always treat her nicely altho, I OFTEN tease her and make her "mad".She thinks I'm cocky btw but she knows I always show her my nice side (I mix it up) We have a weird chemistry where I would "insult" her and in turn she'll "insult" me but it was in all good fun. Anyway, so yea I just brushed it off and told her welcome to the club. This is the last event. 2 days after the beach, our friends decided to eat out at a buffet. While going there, I notice she eagerly checks her phone. She was like an excited "school girl" waiting for a text. I found out that it was from this guy. So I figure that they still do talk. Although, not once I notice her check her phone during our beach trip and picnic trip after that. (picnic trip was with other friends) She keeps saying "omg why isnt he texting" or a guy always should text first right? and She would go "omg should I text , should I text?" at this point, I realize she is infatuated with this guy. Which is fine. Although, I was hurting a little bit. So, kinda just brushed her off and "ignore" her for the rest of the day. I ended up eating at the place next to the buffet with her best friend. Her best friend actually is on my side and often call us out as bf/gf. She would often tell her that we would have been a good couple etc. So while eating, I told her that I am gonna stop "chasing" her and she asked me why. I told her the truth, because she likes another guy. She said "she don't want a bf or anything" and that she's just excited. She told me she does this alot, get crazy over a guy and then eventually moving on but I already made up my mind and decided to not pursue her. I mean she already knows I like her and I am just waiting for her. Now here is my dilemma, Summer is coming up, our group of friends are sure to hang out. That is fine with me but I only see two possible results. If I do hangout with them, I would risk being put into the friendzone forever. Right now, I am probably not yet cause she knows I like her. She never talks about other guys or her personal problems with me. We keep it casual and fun always. The second option is since I have other friends (friends they dont know. Yes I have 3 more sets of friends) I would just hang out with them. Basically, MIA from my school friends to avoid her. Right now, I am trying to ignore her. She would IM me and I would just give her short concise answer. Very far from my emotion containing fun filled response LOL. I still want to be more than friends but not now that she's greatly infatuated with another guy. I am confuse... Sorry very long post. Need input?
kdark Posted May 9, 2010 Posted May 9, 2010 To be blunt dude, you were in the friend-zone probably from the very beginning with this girl. Most girls find it impossible to start having romantic feelings for a friend after they have known them for a long time. I say this a lot, but move on emotionally. If you can handle hanging out with her while with mutual friends, by all means do it. But hanging out with her one on one has got to be torture. Stop doing it. She will ask what is up, but just tell her the truth: You like her, and hanging out one on one isn't good for you. If she's a decent person, she'll understand. If she gets mad, then you know she is just using you for an ego boost. And seriously, to me, getting giddy over a guy from 8th grade saying that he thought she was the hottest girl then is pretty middle school. I.E. immature. She's attracted to him. Not to you.
Author ConfusGuy Posted May 9, 2010 Author Posted May 9, 2010 To be blunt dude, you were in the friend-zone probably from the very beginning with this girl. Most girls find it impossible to start having romantic feelings for a friend after they have known them for a long time. I say this a lot, but move on emotionally. If you can handle hanging out with her while with mutual friends, by all means do it. But hanging out with her one on one has got to be torture. Stop doing it. She will ask what is up, but just tell her the truth: You like her, and hanging out one on one isn't good for you. If she's a decent person, she'll understand. If she gets mad, then you know she is just using you for an ego boost. And seriously, to me, getting giddy over a guy from 8th grade saying that he thought she was the hottest girl then is pretty middle school. I.E. immature. She's attracted to him. Not to you. Thank you for the fast reply. Yea she is kinda childish in a way. She's often oblivious to what's going on and still finds "fart jokes" hilarious...yea...She also confessed that she doesn't know how to talk to guys altho she had 1 bf already. I guess my best bet is just to stop hanging out with her altogether. Sad but I gotta face the music... BTW I haven't known her for a long time. I just started to get to know her this past 2 weeks. Before that, we barely talked to each other and you right, she IS attracted to that guy and not me. any other input?
kdark Posted May 9, 2010 Posted May 9, 2010 Thank you for the fast reply. Yea she is kinda childish in a way. She's often oblivious to what's going on and still finds "fart jokes" hilarious...yea...She also confessed that she doesn't know how to talk to guys altho she had 1 bf already. I guess my best bet is just to stop hanging out with her altogether. Sad but I gotta face the music... BTW I haven't known her for a long time. I just started to get to know her this past 2 weeks. Before that, we barely talked to each other and you right, she IS attracted to that guy and not me. any other input? Not really. You seem like you got your head on straight. Just always look out for your own feelings when dealing with the opposite sex. If you aren't getting what you want, don't stay with them any longer than you have to. No person is worth losing your dignity and self worth over. Good luck.
Author ConfusGuy Posted May 9, 2010 Author Posted May 9, 2010 Not really. You seem like you got your head on straight. Just always look out for your own feelings when dealing with the opposite sex. If you aren't getting what you want, don't stay with them any longer than you have to. No person is worth losing your dignity and self worth over. Good luck. Yea your right, no person is worth losing my dignity and self worth but I am born an optimist and always "hope" that it'll be better. When I told her I like her, I was willing to walk away right then but sometimes I find reason to stay and I stay. Summer didn't come at a better time so I could sort things out and let the attraction die down a little bit. I am still hoping for the best actually but I am ready let it go at the same time. She already knows the truth and if she is going to make a move, she knows where to find me.
D-Lish Posted May 9, 2010 Posted May 9, 2010 She's often oblivious to what's going on and still finds "fart jokes" hilarious... They are hilarious:lmao: Maybe she thinks you are too serious or uptight for her? Seriously, you have been friend-zoned. As K has said, she probably friend-zoned you within half an hour (or less) of meeting you. I know immediately if I'd be open to dating someone or just want them as a friend. I wouldn't keep reminding her you like her- she already knows. Her initial response of "oh, I didn't think you still felt like that" says it all. That's an avoidance response. Your best bet is to pursue other women and stop being so available to her.
Author ConfusGuy Posted May 9, 2010 Author Posted May 9, 2010 (edited) They are hilarious:lmao: Maybe she thinks you are too serious or uptight for her? Seriously, you have been friend-zoned. As K has said, she probably friend-zoned you within half an hour (or less) of meeting you. I know immediately if I'd be open to dating someone or just want them as a friend. I wouldn't keep reminding her you like her- she already knows. Her initial response of "oh, I didn't think you still felt like that" says it all. That's an avoidance response. Your best bet is to pursue other women and stop being so available to her. haha I didn't say that joke and it wasn't serious or anything. Anyhow, I already have come to that realization and just to note the response "oh, I didnt think you still felt like that" is her response cause she thought I was a player and that I liked her at one point or another and not anymore. She said she wasn't sure if I do or not like her. If I would count the times I hanged out since I saw her...6 times only. LOL It just looks from the "novel" i wrote that I always hang out with her. Her best friend(who I am awesome friends with and actually on my side) always reminds her that I like her not me. Should i shoot the best friend? haha? BTW I already know im in the FZ and in no way defending her responses lol. Edited May 9, 2010 by ConfusGuy
D-Lish Posted May 9, 2010 Posted May 9, 2010 haha I didn't say that joke and it wasn't serious or anything. Anyhow, I already have come to that realization and just to note the response "oh, I didnt think you still felt like that" is her response cause she thought I was a player and that I liked her at one point or another and not anymore. She said she wasn't sure if I do or not like her. If I would count the times I hanged out since I saw her...6 times only. LOL It just looks from the "novel" i wrote that I always hang out with her. Her best friend(who I am awesome friends with and actually on my side) always reminds her that I like her not me. Should i shoot the best friend? haha? BTW I already know im in the FZ and in no way defending her responses lol. So does her friend like you? Maybe while you are pining for this girl, the friend is pining for you...
Author ConfusGuy Posted May 9, 2010 Author Posted May 9, 2010 So does her friend like you? Maybe while you are pining for this girl, the friend is pining for you... Good question and you're not the only one that asked me that... She got a bf but our personality definitely "clicks". I've known her for only a couple of weeks but I am way closer to her than the chick I like...weird..
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