NeoGen85 Posted May 8, 2010 Posted May 8, 2010 I'm in my first interracial relationship, and I'm feeling that with my girlfriend's personality things that need to be discussed are being left out. We've been dating for about 8 months, and even though we jumped over many obstacles I feel she keeps creating new ones. As far as expressing her "true" opinions, thoughts, emotions, and affection she can be a bit closed off. Yet very easy going, sometimes quick to please, and non-confrontational. Plus she's trying to establish herself as being an independent women; therefore living her own life and not entirely clingy to myself. She's the most unique and unusual person I've ever met. Not to mention a complete opposite from myself in many ways(which is a growing attraction to me). Yet we do meet on several common grounds. There's a first time for everything and this relationship is a first time for both of us. In fact because of seeking her parents approval in the past, and hiding her feelings about me what we have now almost became non-existent. But now that we're together I feel like every time we move forward she distances herself. And I feel like I'm being left out of the loop.
Feelin Frisky Posted May 8, 2010 Posted May 8, 2010 I'm a white guy and had long term live in relationship with two African American chicks at separate times. It ain't easy. There are prejudices out there from both races and sometimes you can just feel them. Neither of these girls were into that swaggering black subculture **** and spoke to me with no jive ass mannerisms. But cultural pressures can eventually rip you apart. Like my longer love decided to join a womens Masonic group and although I took her, I'd always go outside and smoke some weed or something to avoid all that marching and formalities she dug. It made her mad that I didn't see her march and it made me mad that she even wanted anything to do with that kinda crap.
Nat4 Posted May 9, 2010 Posted May 9, 2010 Being an african-canadian and native female I can tell you that alot of problems with men I date not wanting to know about or understand my culture...there is a possibility that the woman your dating feels this way too. Be upfront with her about how you feel. Whatever you do dont pretend to be interested in learning more about her culture (if you are that is) it is very obvious.
Butterflying Posted May 9, 2010 Posted May 9, 2010 I'm not sure I understand the question here. But it sounds like there is a lack of connection between the two of you on some level. They may not necessarily be the result of race or cultural differences. I've dated outside my race a lot. My first interacial relationship was awkward at times because there are some aspects of life that he and I could not share because of our cultural difference. For example, little things like choosing which TV shows to watch together were an issue for me. I enjoy watching re-runs of the Cosby Show. That show was like a trademark in my childhood experience. My white boyfriend didn't like the show because he couldn't identify with it. He grew up in the same era as I did. But he prefered to watch the Brady Bunch. And I couldn't identify with that show. We compromised and shared each other's cultural differences. But it was hard because I didn't always want to explain the reasons that something was important to me. With people of my same race and culture, most things between us are understood naturally without words being spoken. We just get it! And that feels familiar, good, and comforting. Long story short, you have to be patient with these type of differences in a relationship. Talk to your partner and let her know what you're feeling distance. This is a hard feeling to describe. I never really got over the feeling and still haven't. I learned to accept those feelings that me and a person outside my race will never share. There are so many other things we DO share so I wouldn't ruin an entire relationship over this type of feeling. That's just the way it is. As long as the two of you respect each other's cultures and not try to change each other, things should be fine.
Author NeoGen85 Posted May 11, 2010 Author Posted May 11, 2010 We're actually going to get together later in the day and spend some time with each other. I know she cares about me because when I display my affections she is not afraid to do the same. It feels like there's a lot going on. That "feeling" isn't new, but we tend to forget about it. I like what makes her different, and she respects my differences. I do feel we have much to learn about each other. Maybe that is why I feel so out of the loop sometimes.
StalledGirl Posted May 11, 2010 Posted May 11, 2010 I can't really identify as having a white partner didn't really create any tension in my life although other people sometimes felt the need to say something. Our cultural likes were the same and he received as much enjoyment from shows like "Everyone hates Chris" as I did, but it's probably different in the U.K as people tend to mix more. In fact i've never felt different to a white partner but if you do , maybe it's time do let each other in more , regardless of racial differences. Tyr creating things that bring you together as you are in a relationship so must like each other enough.
espec10001 Posted May 11, 2010 Posted May 11, 2010 We all bleed the same color blood and breath the same air...talk to her about it if you really care about her that much. Sure there are pressures and cultural differences, but why not embrace it? Why not take her culture, and your culture, and make a NEW culture?
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