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Posted

I feel that I can move on past this at times.

I feel that I can't move on past this at times.

I want my family.

I want to trust my husband, I love him so much.

I hate that he felt he needed to replace me with someone else.

I need my husband.

I want him to soothe me past this, like he has done so many times and with things in the past.

I need my life back.

I really want to quit thinking about this.

I feel this does not define me.

I feel this does define our relationship

I feel that everything has been a farce.

I know that I love my husband. Why?

Posted

Read my response on your husband's post "trying". His handle is "destroyed" yes?

 

I applaud the email you sent. It really isn't the point to lash out at the other woman--but I am so glad that you did something besides sit at home, cower and cry.

Getting ANGRY is certainly right, not wrong in this case.

 

Now what to do with that anger, and eventually how to overcome it.

I think somebody needs to be your husband-slave for a long long time...he can kiss your ass literally for the next two years.

Ok, so I'm pissed off for your sake.

Posted
I feel that I can move on past this at times.

I feel that I can't move on past this at times.

I want my family.

I want to trust my husband, I love him so much.

I hate that he felt he needed to replace me with someone else.

I need my husband.

I want him to soothe me past this, like he has done so many times and with things in the past.

I need my life back.

I really want to quit thinking about this.

I feel this does not define me.

I feel this does define our relationship

I feel that everything has been a farce.

I know that I love my husband. Why?

 

You can move past this.

 

You can have your family.

 

Your husband needs to earn back your trust.

 

He didn't replace you with someone else, he is still with you, but he wanted the fun and excitement of something illicit and at whatever price. He is broken inside. You cannot fix him. He did not take your feelings into consideration and without true remorse from him, it would only be a matter of time before he does it again.

 

You don't "need" your husband. You want your husband. Only thing is, you want the man he once was. He is no longer that man.

 

He can't soothe you through this one. This is the ultimate betrayal. He has caused you great pain and suffering.

 

You can have your life back. A better life than you have ever known, with or without your husband. I vote for without, it's easier, really.

 

You love him. Yes. I understand that. You are desperate and in shock. Once you can wrap your head around what really happened and think with your brain, not your heart, that love you have for him, will fade.

Posted

INDY, Hugs to you.

 

You will get through this. How is MC going?

 

P.s. I would've done the same thing with the email.;)

  • Author
Posted

Marriage counseling, since I've never done any type couseling before is going ok, I suppose.

 

I am really tired of the sick feeling I have, and the sick look on his face. I want so very much to believe what he is telling me; but the very thought of it still pisses me off to the highest of pisstivity.

 

My MIL came to visit this weekend from out of state. I'm sure she came just to see if I had hurt her son. LOL!! While she is clearing irked by his behavior, I know that this is her son and she loves him, so, I really don't want to burden her with my feelings. She calls me everyday to check to see if I'm ok.

 

And I am. I have given him two months June 15th to seek other employment and if he hasn't found any, I am moving out until he does.

 

I felt kinda bad sending the email. I didn't include his name on the email; because I figured if she wanted to complain about it; then I'd let her be the one to go to HR or wherever with the issue.

 

Nothing has happened at work as far as I know, except I know it's the buzz of their company. I feel no remorse for her or him, they both deserve to feel embarrassed and like they are walking on egg shells. However, this little revenge tactic wasn't as sweet as I thought it would be. REVENGE is not the answer.

 

My dear sweet husband says he felt on Friday like he was wearing the Scarlet Letter.

 

Hump!! Whatever

Posted

Indy, no revenge is not the answer.

 

If you are not a vengeful person by nature, if it never satisfied you in the past, well then even under these extreme circumstances, it will not make you feel better.

 

But do not waste your emotions feeling one bit of guilt about it. No one felt guilty, he or his OW, enough to stop what they were doing for as long as they did.

 

Another point: My husband had a 1.5 year EA/PA with a divorced co-worker.

 

The second or third words out of his mouth upon DDAY was: "Please don't tell anyone."

 

I told trusted family and friends. I never sent anything to their workplace, but I thought about it.

 

The final irony? Just about every woman in his workplace and a few of the men suspected it. You cannot hide that vibe, even though the cheaters think they can.

 

How did I know this? I attended a work function after we reconciled. I left alone after it was over and I passed a group of woman as I did so. Out of the corner of my eye, I see one spy me and gasp:"OMG! That is blank's wife!" and four faces turn.

 

Idiots, to think no one knew.

 

It's not your fault. Assume no blame in this situation.

 

Stay strong.

  • Author
Posted

You know what the real messed up part about it is when you are in the beginning stages of "moving forward" lol.

 

It's the realizations of what a deceitful a$$ your beloved spouse has been;that come to you out of the blue. Such as the proud feeling of watching your husband coach your daughter's soccer team--then to think that same husband was at times over there texting his gf. Or seeing the photos from your vacation last year and knowing for sure that your husband at sometime around that very moment of the snapshot was either calling or texting his gf. lol!! Or how about this one, that is a documented fact that your husband would kiss you and tell you he loved you every morning before he walked out the door to work and withing ten minutes of leaving would be on the phone with his gf.

 

And now, you supposed to believe that ALL OF SUDDEN; because the little snake got caught--he finally realized that he really loves his wife and wants his family.

Posted (edited)

I vote for that if you give him a chance, he kisses your A$$ for the next 50 years.

He can not only become a dedicated husband, he can become SUPER HUSBAND.

Otherwise, if he's not willing to make such an effort, to the curb he goes.

 

I'm not suggesting he carry guilt around for the next 50 years. That would be debilitating, and you would be married to a beaten severed person. I am suggesting that he shows you, everyday from now until death do you part, that he cherishes you above ALL ELSE.

Let's find out if he truly values intimacy, love, honesty, compassion, kindness...the things that make a man worth being married to.

It could turn him into a better person, he could become the shining example of love and caring, and not to show or prove to others--but at his core-- that love is about really taking care of, and making a very conscious and dedicated effort to never hurt the person one says they love...life is tough enough, there's so much pain and suffering guarantteed for us all, and one person who promises to never hurt us should live by that in every move they make.

Every married person should go in with the mantra of doctors--"First, do no harm."

Edited by You Go Girl
  • Author
Posted
i vote for that if you give him a chance, he kisses your a$$ for the next 50 years.

He can not only become a dedicated husband, he can become super husband.

Otherwise, if he's not willing to make such an effort, to the curb he goes.

 

I'm not suggesting he carry guilt around for the next 50 years. That would be debilitating, and you would be married to a beaten severed person. I am suggesting that he shows you, everyday from now until death do you part, that he cherishes you above all else.

Let's find out if he truly values intimacy, love, honesty, compassion, kindness...the things that make a man worth being married to.

It could turn him into a better person, he could become the shining example of love and caring, and not to show or prove to others--but at his core-- that love is about really taking care of, and making a very conscious and dedicated effort to never hurt the person one says they love...life is tough enough, there's so much pain and suffering guarantteed for us all, and one person who promises to never hurt us should live by that in every move they make.

Every married person should go in with the mantra of doctors--"first, do no harm."

 

 

 

 

 

yes!!!!!!!!!!

Posted
You know what the real messed up part about it is when you are in the beginning stages of "moving forward" lol.

 

It's the realizations of what a deceitful a$$ your beloved spouse has been;that come to you out of the blue. Such as the proud feeling of watching your husband coach your daughter's soccer team--then to think that same husband was at times over there texting his gf. Or seeing the photos from your vacation last year and knowing for sure that your husband at sometime around that very moment of the snapshot was either calling or texting his gf. lol!! Or how about this one, that is a documented fact that your husband would kiss you and tell you he loved you every morning before he walked out the door to work and withing ten minutes of leaving would be on the phone with his gf.

 

And now, you supposed to believe that ALL OF SUDDEN; because the little snake got caught--he finally realized that he really loves his wife and wants his family.

 

 

Well they say men compartmentalize situations. I'm sure your h loves his children although men don't realize that when they cheat on their wife they are also cheating on their kids. I know how you feel about the ALL OF A SUDDEN part of getting caught. It does make you feel that when caught and faced with the fact that they will probably lose all their possessions and their kids, will have to cough up big money each month for child support and maybe alimony, the thought of living in a smaller place, and not as much free spending money ALL OF A SUDDEN they finally realize they love their wife and want their family. I don't blame you for not confiding everything you feel to your MIL either because you are right, she is there to protect his interest when it all comes out in the wash.

  • Author
Posted
Well they say men compartmentalize situations. I'm sure your h loves his children although men don't realize that when they cheat on their wife they are also cheating on their kids. I know how you feel about the ALL OF A SUDDEN part of getting caught. It does make you feel that when caught and faced with the fact that they will probably lose all their possessions and their kids, will have to cough up big money each month for child support and maybe alimony, the thought of living in a smaller place, and not as much free spending money ALL OF A SUDDEN they finally realize they love their wife and want their family. I don't blame you for not confiding everything you feel to your MIL either because you are right, she is there to protect his interest when it all comes out in the wash.

 

 

I've had a pretty good week so far. We are talking more about things such as what I wanted and needed and what he wanted and needed and we just couldn't find the nerve, time, and/or patience to discuss it with one another. We just went on with the raising and building of of the kids; soccer, basketball, band, golf, dance practices instead of building our relationship.

 

All week and weekdend went along pretty uneventful until today. I don't know why, but, well, I do know why. I had a bad dream last night and that just ruined my day. I had to take a sleeping pill to go back to sleep and calm my nerves and it had me droggy in the morning when we attended our son's 5th grade graduation; which left me irritated; and then I got depressed. I find myself not wanting to say anything because I don't want to keep bringing it up, because I feel with every mention it takes me back and I don't want to be back there.

 

This is just a terrible situation. I hate to think of my husband talking, laughing, having fun, and being intimate with someone else. But, it did happen and there is nothing that anyone can do to change it.

 

Time as I mentioned somewhere else lessens the sting; but it still hurts.

Posted
I find myself not wanting to say anything because I don't want to keep bringing it up, because I feel with every mention it takes me back and I don't want to be back there.

 

This is just a terrible situation. I hate to think of my husband talking, laughing, having fun, and being intimate with someone else. But, it did happen and there is nothing that anyone can do to change it.

 

Time as I mentioned somewhere else lessens the sting; but it still hurts.

 

 

Well I think it is best to talk to him about it. I hear that is part of the healing process for you. BS's want to know every detail and it is up to the WS to provide those if asked. It is better to talk it out with him to keep it on his mind how this has affected you and this isn't as easy as "I'm sorry" and we can go on with our day. He has to know just how severly this has affected you.

Posted
Well I think it is best to talk to him about it. I hear that is part of the healing process for you. BS's want to know every detail and it is up to the WS to provide those if asked. It is better to talk it out with him to keep it on his mind how this has affected you and this isn't as easy as "I'm sorry" and we can go on with our day. He has to know just how severly this has affected you.

 

Absolutely! He made a mess, he can, and should, be part of the clean up.

The--he's sorry, let it go idea is not going to work. Wouldn't all cheaters love that, just to get a little slap on the wrist and no real consequences. This isn't about punishing him--it's about making him understand how severely he hurt the heart of someone.

And that's what he needs to understand, because otherwise he will do it again.

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