missing1 Posted May 8, 2010 Posted May 8, 2010 another story of heartache that I will try and keep short but would be grateful for any advice, etc... I have currently broken up with the girl of my dreams and I am devastated. Me and my girl met eachother and fell in love straight away, we were (still are perfect for eachother). however, a couple of years ago I suddendly started suffering from servere anxiety relating to my relationship. My head would be saying 'you dont love her', 'you dont fancy her' and other unwanted thoughts I just couldnt get out of my head. this just seemede to completely stick in my head so in turn got me completely down and depressed even though I knew these things were not true. i put it down to ocd which had gotten completely out of control. This of course put a huge strain on our relationship. which has of course now led to us breaking up. to be honest with myself I knew I had to sort myself out because we couldnt go on with my head like this. I need direction in my life and i need something to achieve, I was just trying to get all my happiness from my relationship but I need to find happiness away from her in a job, etc. she recently said that she needs to be on her own at the moment as she cannot take anymore pain. she says she needs to be apart from me to truely understand how she feels. She says that she cannot see herself with anyone else in her life and she loves me but at the moment she has to be alone. even her mum said that she couldnt see her with anyone else. Its strange because even during this conversation we had we were still joking around and cuddling, we just connect so well together.. so, at the moment we are currently broken up. we are best friends and I truthfully know she loves me like nothing else. Ive been reading this forum looking for other stories about couples getting back together in the future and it working. I need that hope.
tgif Posted May 8, 2010 Posted May 8, 2010 I have a same different experience. I broke up with my bf when both of us still love each other so much. But I know things wont work out for us since he has another woman and he loves her too. Love can't share. I'm trying to do NC. About your story, I think you will be able to get back to each other. Just get those weird thoughts out of your mind and get ready to get your love back. Good luck!
Author missing1 Posted May 8, 2010 Author Posted May 8, 2010 thanks for the reply. I think a lot of my heads worries are because i dont really have any direction in life i.e career. I have no idea what i want to do. she has just started a job as a nurse and seems to be quite stressed about it and has other stuff going on. Even though she loves me, I guess she cant cope with my worries too, she has to concentrate on herself at the moment. It hurts though, like I said we have such an unbelievable connection I just cant think of this as the end and the fact that she says she see's herself with me in the future can't be a bad thing surely? I've just got to sort myself out and hope that she comes back to me. i hope everything sorts itself out for you too.
tgif Posted May 8, 2010 Posted May 8, 2010 I think you've realized what you should do, just make it clear and think about what to do to get some directions in life. Love is the hardest thing to get, not career or anything.
Author missing1 Posted May 8, 2010 Author Posted May 8, 2010 i just hope she believes and has the confidence that I can make her happy. the way we are together is unbelievable, i hope this time apart can be for the better.
Author missing1 Posted May 9, 2010 Author Posted May 9, 2010 anyone else out there with any advice? thanks
spiderowl Posted May 9, 2010 Posted May 9, 2010 (edited) I'm sorry to hear that you've broken up. I know how much that hurts. Just reading your story, it seems to me that your ex has had to cope with quite a lot of odd and trying behaviour from you. Would you say that's fair? If so, she's probably reached a point where she can't cope any more and has shut off. She is asking for space because she can't go back and she's hurt so she can't go forwards into another relationship either. You need to get some help with the OCD. When you are in a better place regarding that, you will be able to look at the relationship and see if there is anything left there. I have no doubt that she loves you but she's removed herself from the relationship for a reason. Tackling the OCD will help you anyway and she may see you in a different light when you are more in control, but please don't bank on that. I'd give her the space she needs now. Work on the basis that you won't be getting back togther. If she's had a difficult experience because of the problems that were afflicting you, then her feelings may well have changed. She might love you but find you difficult to live with. Tackling the OCD will give you a new and brighter future, but you might have to chalk this relationship up as a learning experience. Edited May 9, 2010 by spiderowl
Author missing1 Posted May 11, 2010 Author Posted May 11, 2010 thanks for your reply, and i think you are right with regarding how she is feeling. she seems to have lost confidence in me. Do you think there is any chance that confidence will come back? Surely there has to be? also, with regards to her saying how she loves me and that she can see herself with me again one day which I know she truely believes. surely there is still a chance she will want to be with me again? Its so hard at the moment because she has started a new job and everything is up in the air, when things settle down im sure it will all be clearer.
Ilovecake Posted May 11, 2010 Posted May 11, 2010 thanks for your reply, and i think you are right with regarding how she is feeling. she seems to have lost confidence in me. Do you think there is any chance that confidence will come back? Surely there has to be? also, with regards to her saying how she loves me and that she can see herself with me again one day which I know she truely believes. surely there is still a chance she will want to be with me again? Its so hard at the moment because she has started a new job and everything is up in the air, when things settle down im sure it will all be clearer. I think what you really need to worry about is learning to get control of your emotions then you can think about having a relationship. You can not expect people to hang around and take care of you just because they love you. There is nothing more difficult then being with someone who is completely dependent on you for their happiness. As long as you’re emotionally needy I doubt she’ll be able to stick it out with you very long. You need to get into therapy and take care of the anxiety issues.
GrayClouds Posted May 11, 2010 Posted May 11, 2010 I think what you really need to worry about is learning to get control of your emotions then you can think about having a relationship. You can not expect people to hang around and take care of you just because they love you. There is nothing more difficult then being with someone who is completely dependent on you for their happiness. As long as you’re emotionally needy I doubt she’ll be able to stick it out with you very long. You need to get into therapy and take care of the anxiety issues. Truer words seldom spoken. I think a lot of my heads worries are because i dont really have any direction in life i.e career. I have no idea what i want to do. It is going to be difficult but it is time to stop thinking about her and start thinking about you. If you have any chance at all getting back together you have to make yourself into someone who is a catch. Who do you do that, but finding out what you want out of life, perusing personal goal and dreams. Find out what (not who) your passionate about. Giving your self direction, finding out how to enjoy being alone, who to take care of yourself, how to be self sufficient. You do this work and you can be assure you will have the love you want in the future. Likely not hers but then it will not matter.
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