is my bf gay? found his profile on a gay lads dating site

[gorgeous1]

Ok, so my bf of 18 months just moved in. New start me thinks. But....came across an email sent to him yesterday from a gay man on a gay site that liked his profile!!! I logged into the site using the password the gay dating agency had sent with the message (the same password he uses for his other sites so I know he joined it). In his profile he describes himself as a gay man looking for penpals/chat. The profile was made last July....9 months into our relationship!!!

 

Now, I know he used to cyber sex and webcam with women, men and swingers up until a few months back when I caught him out (I went ba;llistic!) but forgave him and tried to move on. I also know he had 45 profiles on various dating & swinging sites and he cammed every day (doing the full business online with someone other end watching). He did all this behind my back cos he said he was addicted and it was a fantasy world.

 

BUT....hes always maintained that he wasnt gay, had never been with a man, didnt even fancy men...he always said the gay camming was done years ago in fact...yet why did he make a profile up last year when in a (pretty damn good) relationship with me and why have a profile up saying he was GAY!, and on a gay lads dating site!!!

 

When I asked him he got cross with me for snooping and said he didnt think he put that on there. I have had no answers, hes evaded the issue...please help anybody x

[Austen]

Yes, he's either gay or bi. Accept it and move on. Sorry this happened to you, but you're definitely NOT GOING TO CHANGE HIM.

[mikarla]

He might not be gay, it sounds like his bisexual, but I don't actually think this is the issue. For me it would be the fact that he has a dating profile up in the first place when he is in a LTR.

 

I do have a question though: why were you reading his emails in the first place?

[gorgeous1]

I was reading his emails because 5 months ago I realised he was registered on 45 + dating, swinging sites with full profiles up. I then found out he had over 200 contacts on msn, mainly gay men he used to cyber sex with. I then spent the next few months systematically deleting said profiles and now just go on his emails to check. Ive never seen anything suspicious on there since profiles been deleted. I know I shouldnt snoop, but hes not a very open person. Im devastated at the mo. Incidentally, his marriage collapsed cos his wife met a woman!

[shadowplay]

I feel bad saying this, but this whole thread has me in hysterics.

 

And, yes, your boyfriend is gay.

[mikarla]

If thats the case than why are you still with him? Did you confront him about the dating profiles back then? If so, what was his response?

 

I can defintiely understand why you're devastated, but him being on dating websites is NOT something that I would put up with at all. I also think that someone webcamming with someone in a sexual manner is cheating, something I also would not put up with. I think you should confront him about the profile again and this time get some answers and if he doesn't come up with an amazing excuse, you need to break up with him.

[gorgeous1]

Yes I confronted him about the dating profiles and he always maintained he had never webcammed with anybody, just had the profiles up as they were old profiles and he just went on the dating sites to "look"....until 4 months ago when he told me during a row that he had webcammed, was addicted but had now stopped, was never gay, never slept with a man, just was curious and it was a phase he went through years ago. It was an awful time for me, after he told me I was in tears and he called me "****ing pathetic".

 

I went through months of hell and was just starting to trust again when I came across this profile yesterday. His ex he was with for 14 yrs said there is no way he is gay, so I always believed him. But now....??

[shadowplay]

His ex he was with for 14 yrs said there is no way he is gay, so I always believed him. But now....??

 

Don't you find it a bit suspicious that his ex of 14 years was a man?

[gorgeous1]

lol, I meant I always believed my bf as his his gf said theres no way he is! lol grrrr, its early and ive not had much sleep!!!

[shadowplay]

lol, I meant I always believed my bf as his his gf said theres no way he is! lol grrrr, its early and ive not had much sleep!!!

 

It's fine, I'm just teasing you.

[Brightmoon]

Yes I confronted him about the dating profiles and he always maintained he had never webcammed with anybody, just had the profiles up as they were old profiles and he just went on the dating sites to "look"....until 4 months ago when he told me during a row that he had webcammed, was addicted but had now stopped, was never gay, never slept with a man, just was curious and it was a phase he went through years ago. It was an awful time for me, after he told me I was in tears and he called me "****ing pathetic".

 

I went through months of hell and was just starting to trust again when I came across this profile yesterday. His ex he was with for 14 yrs said there is no way he is gay, so I always believed him. But now....??

 

Whatever his ex says gorgeous, your b/f is bi at the very least. How would you feel about that?

 

In addition to this, he is putting himself out there on the net with all his numerous profiles. He is not or will not be faithful to you for long.

 

He got caught the last time but he never stopped.

 

But gorgeous, this is the guy who calls you ****ing pathetic when you were in tears at discovering his web camming addiction :mad:.

 

I am sure you are in love with him, but his behaviour/activities/interests will not change I suspect.

Edited May 8, 2010 by Brightmoon

[lino]

Now, I know he used to cyber sex and webcam with women, men and swingers up until a few months back when I caught him out (I went ba;llistic!) but forgave him and tried to move on. I also know he had 45 profiles on various dating & swinging sites and he cammed every day (doing the full business online with someone other end watching). He did all this behind my back cos he said he was addicted and it was a fantasy world.

 

 

I can't understand why you didn't leave him after this in all honesty.

 

He's bisexual and will continue doing this stuff because he never suffers any consequences for the stuff he gets up to.

Edited May 8, 2010 by lino
Added more

[SarahRose]

Why on earth are you still with him?

[sally4sara]

He likes dudes to some level, THAT much is for sure.

But because you are upset about it, of course he is going to deny, deny, deny.

[Green]

If you believe being Bi exists then he is that... If you only believe in gay and straight.... then he is GAY and you would probably be happier if you left him.

[Engadget]

I feel bad saying this, but this whole thread has me in hysterics.

 

And, yes, your boyfriend is gay.

 

I know. She knew he was gay a long time ago!

[gorgeous1]

Thanks all. Ive finally accepted that yes, he prob is bi....whether its bi-curious or bi-sexual. He is the one however that is in denial. When asked why he had a profile on a gay dating site saying he was a single gay man, he replied "dont know"....and he wouldnt believe that he set the profile up last year....Im just looking into finding a website/forum dealing with straight partners with a bi bf/gf as think I need some specialist help.

[GamerGirl]

I was reading his emails because 5 months ago I realised he was registered on 45 + dating, swinging sites with full profiles up. I then found out he had over 200 contacts on msn, mainly gay men he used to cyber sex with. I then spent the next few months systematically deleting said profiles and now just go on his emails to check. Ive never seen anything suspicious on there since profiles been deleted. I know I shouldnt snoop, but hes not a very open person. Im devastated at the mo. Incidentally, his marriage collapsed cos his wife met a woman!

 

So you knew about this 5 months ago but decided to move in with him anyways?

 

Sorry, but if I caught my mate registering on 45+ dating/swinging sites, the last thing I'd do is move in with him!

 

This guy has some serious problems, doesn't matter if he's gay or not. WHOEVER he dates will have problems with him being faithful. Sounds like he has REAL self esteem issues and only cares about getting attention from ANYONE to make him feel better. And he's getting the WRONG type of attention to make him feel all warm and fuzzy, which will not work. This is not something you can easily fix.

 

Get.out.NOW!

[Mary3]

I think your most serious issue is the LYING !

 

Then the sex addiction ...

 

Then the gay/bi sites....

 

He is addicted to sex. These kind of sex addicts are scarey because they will do dangerous things to get sex. That means hookers , random people on line , multiple upon multiple partners. There is no * fullness * with SA's . They can never be sexually satisfied.

 

Do NOT let this guy fool you ! He DOES like men. He likes to look at their genitals ( If you check most of the gay sex sites / swing sites , ppl put all kinds of naked pics to stimulate members. )

 

He will not stop. You are like Hurricane Katrina to him. You came through with a bang . You made a big thing about what he did. But eventually you calmed down and he was AT IT AGAIN !

 

Once confirmed Bisexual ~ at the least ~ he will do it on the down low. He will do it in front of you. He will do it late at night on web cams , or go to bars or where to get satisfied.

 

Do you want to stay in this ? Men are going to be a part of his life forever.

[ReadyforLove]

If you have to come to a message board to ask if your bf is gay then you ALREADY know the answer. A heterosexual man would not be caught dead on a gay dating website.

[tami-chan]

Sorry you are going through this, but your boyfriend is in the closet. Since he is the closet chances are he is having illicit, random sex with men he barely know. Do yourself a favor and get out- and get tested for STD. Take care.

[Romance]

He is definitely not respecting your wishes, i'd find a new..straight..man

[gorgeous1]

Thank you. Its far worse than I imagined....he wasnt just webcamming one to one....but on a website where hundreds or thousands (men and women) all watch you playing with yourself and getting off. I felt totally sickened after hearing this, turned my stomach and my respect for him vanished there and then.

 

We had the talk last night, which turned into an almighty row. He didnt believe he had put profile on gay site....until I showed him. He didnt know why he put a profile on there and even didnt believe he had registered with them last July (he's not been on since though as it came up with his last visit to site). Basically the only words he said on the subject is "I dont know"

 

When asked why he webcammed with blokes, he said to me if I had a webcam and were getting all these online hits from women I would be doing it too!....

 

Then it all basically escalated into a shouting match with him saying he only moved in with me as he had nowhere else to go. When questioned about his "activities" he retaliated by saying I was just as bad as I flirt with men and have over 100 facebook friends. When I said thats prob cos Im an attractive woman he told me I was dellusional

 

He then went on to say "no wonder your husband left you" etc and "your husband warned me off you, I can see why now"....it all got a bit too personal and actually quite nasty. It all got too much, well the thought of him webcamming on those sex sites and I rounded the night off in tears...to which he replied "shut up and let me get some sleep you selfish b*tch"

 

I know it was said in heat of moment, but I didnt like what I found out about him and I now have doubts about my attractiveness and sexual attractiveness. Lower than low right now.

[GamerGirl]

Thank you. Its far worse than I imagined....he wasnt just webcamming one to one....but on a website where hundreds or thousands (men and women) all watch you playing with yourself and getting off. I felt totally sickened after hearing this, turned my stomach and my respect for him vanished there and then.

 

We had the talk last night, which turned into an almighty row. He didnt believe he had put profile on gay site....until I showed him. He didnt know why he put a profile on there and even didnt believe he had registered with them last July (he's not been on since though as it came up with his last visit to site). Basically the only words he said on the subject is "I dont know"

 

When asked why he webcammed with blokes, he said to me if I had a webcam and were getting all these online hits from women I would be doing it too!....

 

Then it all basically escalated into a shouting match with him saying he only moved in with me as he had nowhere else to go. When questioned about his "activities" he retaliated by saying I was just as bad as I flirt with men and have over 100 facebook friends. When I said thats prob cos Im an attractive woman he told me I was dellusional

 

He then went on to say "no wonder your husband left you" etc and "your husband warned me off you, I can see why now"....it all got a bit too personal and actually quite nasty. It all got too much, well the thought of him webcamming on those sex sites and I rounded the night off in tears...to which he replied "shut up and let me get some sleep you selfish b*tch"

 

I know it was said in heat of moment, but I didnt like what I found out about him and I now have doubts about my attractiveness and sexual attractiveness. Lower than low right now.

 

Sorry, but this man has absolutely NO respect for you. If he moved in with you, it's time you have him pack his s**t and go. He clearly has some sexual issues that will NOT be solved tomorrow. The things he said to you also shows he has NO clue how to be in a relationship and give you, as his partner, some respect.

 

I don't know how many times you need to hear it: GET.OUT.NOW!

[ReadyforLove]

You need to give him his 30 day's notice to get the heck out of your house! He is a gay man, he is lying to you and disrespecting you to your face!! Enough is enough.