dannie19 Posted May 8, 2010 Posted May 8, 2010 Feel a bit needy posting here again but I am just kind of looking for a bit of confirmation that my exMM is mad! Well, my story has been on here from about December, we split upin February but have been in limited contact and I have seen him a couple of times, stupid but maybe necessary to help me get to this point. Anyway he is on a waiting list to go to a six month residential rehab. Last week he had been asking repeatedly if I would visit frequently, I asked about his 22 year partner and he said she had no opinion and why would she be involved in his rehab. However,yesterday he said not seeing me for 6 months would be difficult but would go quickly, I pointed out this didn't fit with what he had said last week he said his partner and friends would be massively involved in his recovery and not me because 'WE DIDN'T HAVE A RELATIONSHIP' He said his friends and partner were his family. I couldn't believe it, I said if he was expecting us to have a relationship in the future then surley I should be part of the solution. He later sent a text saying 'He thought we had a future together but he guess I'm just something else for him to get over'. It's ridiculous and even LC contact is not going to help me now, maybe he said what I needed to hear. I am also kind of relived, his self-absortion was becoming unbearable. Only his comment has made me feel more of a mug than already know I have been. Sorry to be back posting and I think I've got it figured out, it just really has helped to get other persepctives on Loveshack as this relationship has crashed and burnt.
califnan Posted May 8, 2010 Posted May 8, 2010 Dannie, I don't know anything about people with his problem.. But I am just here to respond to you now .. Since he needs "rehab" .. I guess he is a confused person anyway .. and is in a spiritual battle also .. Maybe he will continue to send you mixed signals, because he is mixed up as well.. Maybe the only way you will have peace, is to know not to take him seriously any longer ..
bananalaffytaffy Posted May 8, 2010 Posted May 8, 2010 My dear, I think you have answered your own question. The LC isn't working. It's very easy when you care about someone to want to help them. You are no longer helping him. You are being his crutch. It's time to cut ties and for you both to stand on your own. And FWIW, I think he's manipulating you by telling you his family won't support him in rehab, it's only you. That's crap. And even if it wasn't crap, you're not his mommy.
LucreziaBorgia Posted May 8, 2010 Posted May 8, 2010 'He thought we had a future together but he guess I'm just something else for him to get over'. He didn't say this because he thought you had a future together. He used what he knew you would have wanted to hear as a way to take a passive aggressive stab between your shoulder blades in an effort to exert some sort of emotional control over you and hurt you. He mad that you aren't under this thumb as much. Time to get yourself all the way out from under it. No sense in keeping yourself there.
Hazyhead Posted May 8, 2010 Posted May 8, 2010 Hi Dannie. First of all, don't be sorry to be posting again - do so as often as you need/want to. This is a process you have to work through and LS will help you so much. You know the truth about what he is telling you; I totally agree with cali, he will continue to send mixed messages for as long as he is confused (which may be forever), or as long as you let him. I think backing off (completely if you can) will do you the world of good right now. Let him go through rehab and figure himself out. You are another 'high' that he can't stay away from because you flatter his ego in ways maybe others don't, and being a narcissist, he won't walk away from that. Sweetie, carry on pulling away and let him go. You will be SO much better off.
Author dannie19 Posted May 9, 2010 Author Posted May 9, 2010 Thank you for your continued support and wise words, even when things seem clear I need to have my thoughts backed up. I agree that it's now time to pull away completely and not think about what he is doing, if rehab will or won't work. I've also decided not to sit around thinking about why he treated me badly, he just did. Expect I'll have bad days and be back here to let off steam but for now I feel relief, a bit unsure, a bit lost too but mostly relief.
White Flower Posted May 9, 2010 Posted May 9, 2010 Feel a bit needy posting here again but I am just kind of looking for a bit of confirmation that my exMM is mad! Well, my story has been on here from about December, we split upin February but have been in limited contact and I have seen him a couple of times, stupid but maybe necessary to help me get to this point. Anyway he is on a waiting list to go to a six month residential rehab. Last week he had been asking repeatedly if I would visit frequently, I asked about his 22 year partner and he said she had no opinion and why would she be involved in his rehab. However,yesterday he said not seeing me for 6 months would be difficult but would go quickly, I pointed out this didn't fit with what he had said last week he said his partner and friends would be massively involved in his recovery and not me because 'WE DIDN'T HAVE A RELATIONSHIP' He said his friends and partner were his family. I couldn't believe it, I said if he was expecting us to have a relationship in the future then surley I should be part of the solution. He later sent a text saying 'He thought we had a future together but he guess I'm just something else for him to get over'. It's ridiculous and even LC contact is not going to help me now, maybe he said what I needed to hear. I am also kind of relived, his self-absortion was becoming unbearable. Only his comment has made me feel more of a mug than already know I have been. Sorry to be back posting and I think I've got it figured out, it just really has helped to get other persepctives on Loveshack as this relationship has crashed and burnt. Never be sorry for posting darling, that is what we're here for! He IS mad (we call it crazy here in the US:rolleyes:). He's a narcissist all the way among other things which is why he's in rehab. You got a double dose of the holy ghost. OOps, I mean the mental woes. A narcissit+other psychological disorder=disaster for the OW. At least most of our MM or sane! And that's hard enough. Sorry babe.
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