Clover Posted May 8, 2010 Posted May 8, 2010 (edited) There is this friend I have who has really been getting to me with her behaviour lately. She thinks she knows what is best for me. I am thirty years old. One year older then her. I can look after myself. Do a pretty dam good job of it too! . Makes me feel guilty when I want to go (after we hang out) in my own time, not hers. I used to cave, don't anymore. She usually calls all the shots and gets the ****s if we disagree on her with things. Also there always has to be an explanation on everything little thing we do or why we can't hang out. Doesn't seem happy when something good happens in my life. When she heard I got a new boyfriend she was like "oh. He wouldn't be my type." I was just like "well I guess he is my type." Also when I had lived with her when I told her I wanted to get my own place she was like "you can't right now, cause of this and this." (These were selfish reasons on her and her sister's part). I did end up moving in the end. Only cause the Land Lord wanted the place back for he's friends from Overseas. Got out of that one unscaved! After though she was like "well. It looks like you got what you wanted after all." Doesn't care about my opinion on certain things. That included what I was going on about above. Also. Especially when it comes to hanging out with people she knows I feel uncomfortable with. These are her loser boyfriend (who has disrespected me many times) he's mates. (One including my ex). Years ago they also spread rumours about another ex boyfriend of mine. Who actually was a decent guy. Saw right through it. That ex and I didn't work out though for other reasons but. I feel like I am being too nice about the whole thing. I always used to just go along with it and ignore how she and her boyfriend got at times. Not so much now. Have been noticing the behaviour a whole lot more these days and thinking of phasing them out. Am I over reacting with how I am being treated or not? Edited May 8, 2010 by Clover
Peaceful Guy Posted May 8, 2010 Posted May 8, 2010 Am I over reacting with how I am being treated or not? it does sound pretty natural. what DO you guys connect over? there must be some good there to still be in it right?
Author Clover Posted May 9, 2010 Author Posted May 9, 2010 We've known each other since we were like in Primary (Secondary) School. One of my oldest friends. Hence the reason I am in two minds about phasing her out. She is good company too when she doesn't get like that. Maybe those are some kind of jealousy issues she has. It is frustrating to deal with though cause I can see she tries to bring me down to her level. I am a pretty positive, cruisy type person and don't really need to deal with that bull****.
Peaceful Guy Posted May 9, 2010 Posted May 9, 2010 We've known each other since we were like in Primary (Secondary) School. One of my oldest friends. Hence the reason I am in two minds about phasing her out. She is good company too when she doesn't get like that. hmmm.. is there any way you could do less activities without intentionally "phasing her out"? i mean, even though she sounds like a bit of a pill sometimes it sounds like there's some good there.. intentionally not spending time with someone can take more energy then just being with them every once in a while or when its comfortable. i get the sense that even though she acts like that she still cares about you.. and that's good. but.. i have had friendships that dragged me down all the time that i felt the need to end, in less than mature/tactful/polite ways. but i was starting to feel unsafe.. which was maybe all mental but still.. Maybe those are some kind of jealousy issues she has. yeah, its hard to know.. and that's something people keep pretty closely guarded so it'll likely stay at speculation.. regardless of the source of the tude, you still notice/feel something is amiss.. its good to pay attention to that stuff i think. Maybe those are some kind of jealousy issues she has. It is frustrating to deal with though cause I can see she tries to bring me down to her level. I am a pretty positive, cruisy type person and don't really need to deal with that bull****. yeah, my friend/friends that ive felt i needed a real separation from were negative, and i felt like my positivity was at odds with them or something.. it really sucked, and i would fall into unhealthy patterns.. sometimes i would try so so hard to get them to see that things were okay and that there was stuff to be happy about.. or sometimes i would indulge in negativity just to get them to laugh or pay attention to me (whatever..).. but i was always left with less than when i started. because.. to oversimplify things.. im a "giver" and they were "takers".. they were totally happy to take whatever happiness i could give.. and then when i was all drained of energy and was unhappy, they were right there to help me be unhappy.. "see, life DOES suck.. we knew you'de come around!" well, that's my positivity negativity story anyway.. hope some of that helps!
blueyedgrl85 Posted May 10, 2010 Posted May 10, 2010 I feel like I am being too nice about the whole thing. I always used to just go along with it and ignore how she and her boyfriend got at times. Not so much now. Have been noticing the behaviour a whole lot more these days and thinking of phasing them out. This seems to be a good idea or at least limit/set boundaries concerning your socializing/time spent with her. Perhaps you can see her once a month for coffee to catch up and the rest of the time say you're busy and are not available to meet with her. Though you have known her for so long, people grow and change. Your friend still sounds quite immature for her age- friends are suppose to support us and encourage us, not drag us down. If the negatives outweigh the positives, it is time to move on. You need to do what is best for you.
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