PainfullyLost Posted May 7, 2010 Posted May 7, 2010 Long story short. Ex and I dated 4 years ago for about 4-5 months. I had anxiety/depression at the time. Still do, just not as bad. First few months were great, but then I hit a low and he couldn't handle it and wanted out. I manipulated, screamed, everything for the next 6 months trying to get him back. I was TERRIBLE. I regret it completely. I emailed him occasionally over the years. This past November, after having reactivated his email, he emails me back. We have a lot to work through if anything were to come of it. Fine, but I slowly slipped back into my old ways. Needy, clingy etc. He wanted to pursue something, but then said he wanted to be friends first. I met up with another ex (most recent breakup) and had only intentions of talking. But then more happened. I told 4yr old ex the truth and it's been rough ever since. He's talking to other girls I know. Possibly even seeing them. I have his email password *hangs head in shame* I am trying to stop this. I am trying to let it go. I am trying to forget about him, but I can't. I don't know how to stop. I do so badly want to get back together, but the way I am right now. That will not happen. More so, I want to be able to just live my life without concerning myself with others (the men in my life) It's not just been with him, it's been every guy. But he holds a key to my heart in a way no one else has. He knows he has the power. But I need to let go to show him he doesn't. We still talk occasionally, but it's no longer daily, nor for long periods of time. He did call on Tuesday to say he was in town and we should go out for dinner. I declined. Wasn't going to drop everything for him. I'm so messed up.... I want to stop checking the emails, I want to live my life. I want someone to want me for me. I am tired of being seconds Help....
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