brainygirl Posted May 7, 2010 Posted May 7, 2010 Ok here's the deal. I was seeing this guy I met through plenty of fish. We saw each other a few times, he seemed put off and weird every time so I stopped calling and emailing him. (every date was initiated by me contacting him). A few weeks go by and he contacts me and says that he misses me and we go out again and end up having sex a few times. Once again things stop progressing and he actually walked out in the middle of a sexy date and I stopped contacting him. A few weeks later I contacted him just because I was horny and I knew he'd come "service" me. (selfish and nasty I know). We had a talk at that point and he indicated he didn't want to be in an exclusice committed relationship but would like to continue with a casual sexual relationship. I agreed. Sex yes, dates, movies, meals and sharing the nitty gritty of life no. In the meantime, I still had my eyes open for someone who wanted the kind of relationship I wanted. More than physical intimacy I want emotional intimacy. (if that makes any sense). So I meet this other guy on plenty of fish. We email back and forth a while and finally manage to both have a free evening to meet. We get along well and arrange to spend some time together watching movies the next day. It was fun. My only regret is that we were both drinking beer and making out and ended up having (really mind blowingly awesome) sex. Didn't hear from him for a while, then he did come hang out, no sex just TV, last night. Today I get an email from the first guy telling me he doesn't appreciate me still being on plenty of fish. Emails are exchanged all day and it turns out that guy two is friends with guy one. Guy one considers us to be dating and guy two is now saying he's not sure if he wants to continue seeing me because I come on a bit strong. So, here's the question. What would YOU do in this situation? What would you advise your best girlfriend or sister to do with this? Was I completely in the wrong? Am I a complete slut who needs to take a break from guys and dating? Should I tell the guy I REALLY liked how I feel and just see what he wants to do? Should I give up on the both of them and move along?
Eeyore79 Posted May 8, 2010 Posted May 8, 2010 Guy 2 is probably never going to respect you because you've been banging his friend, and he now knows that you sleep around. It might be worth telling him how you feel, but I don't know how much difference it would make. Saying you come on too strong is just an excuse to back out of a relationship imo. Guy 1 hasn't really been very nice to you, plus he said he only wanted sex and then told you off because he thought you were dating. I doubt if he did think you were dating, he was just annoyed to think of his buddy being on his patch. Imo it couldn't hurt to tell guy 2 how you feel, but you might end up having to write them both off.
Feelin Frisky Posted May 8, 2010 Posted May 8, 2010 Ok here's the deal. I was seeing this guy I met through plenty of fish. We saw each other a few times, he seemed put off and weird every time so I stopped calling and emailing him. (every date was initiated by me contacting him). A few weeks go by and he contacts me and says that he misses me and we go out again and end up having sex a few times. Once again things stop progressing and he actually walked out in the middle of a sexy date and I stopped contacting him. A few weeks later I contacted him just because I was horny and I knew he'd come "service" me. (selfish and nasty I know). We had a talk at that point and he indicated he didn't want to be in an exclusice committed relationship but would like to continue with a casual sexual relationship. I agreed. Sex yes, dates, movies, meals and sharing the nitty gritty of life no. In the meantime, I still had my eyes open for someone who wanted the kind of relationship I wanted. More than physical intimacy I want emotional intimacy. (if that makes any sense). So I meet this other guy on plenty of fish. We email back and forth a while and finally manage to both have a free evening to meet. We get along well and arrange to spend some time together watching movies the next day. It was fun. My only regret is that we were both drinking beer and making out and ended up having (really mind blowingly awesome) sex. Didn't hear from him for a while, then he did come hang out, no sex just TV, last night. Today I get an email from the first guy telling me he doesn't appreciate me still being on plenty of fish. Emails are exchanged all day and it turns out that guy two is friends with guy one. Guy one considers us to be dating and guy two is now saying he's not sure if he wants to continue seeing me because I come on a bit strong. So, here's the question. What would YOU do in this situation? What would you advise your best girlfriend or sister to do with this? Was I completely in the wrong? Am I a complete slut who needs to take a break from guys and dating? Should I tell the guy I REALLY liked how I feel and just see what he wants to do? Should I give up on the both of them and move along? Guy one tells you he wants you as a "*uck buddy". You say that' OK. Then he just chafes that he actually knows who else you've busied yourself with. Typical. It's a psychological hangup akin to "coveting"--one wants what they can see and despises anyone else plus you for tweaking his hangup. Understandable and typical. It's always more acrimonious when people personally know who is doing what with whom. I don't know what's really in your head about all this but you didn't ball guy 2 as a purposeful act of hostility. I'd say to hell with guy 1. He wants his cake and eat it too. You're not a slut because of this little misadventure. Let 'em both take a freaking hike. BTW, wassup?
cutieh Posted May 8, 2010 Posted May 8, 2010 I think you should not see guy one or guy two. Guy one first told you he didnt want a real relationship. then he says that he does. That is too much indecisiveness. You can not let men or people push you around like that. He is trying to play games and control you. guy two is telling you he doesnt want to be with you. a lot of people have made mistakes about having sex too soon. Guys do think you are easy if you do this and you should think so too. and you have to learn to love yourself first. Take sometime to be by yourself!
Author brainygirl Posted May 8, 2010 Author Posted May 8, 2010 I spent almost three years after I left my ex husband without dating, screwing, nothing. I don't equate my own self worth with weather or not I am in a relationship. I know that being in a relationship will not make me a better mother, teachers or friend. Being alone will not make me any more self reliant, independent, or strong willed. I had sex because he was hot, we were buzzed, and I like sex. I've already told guy one that he needs to just leave me alone for good. Still feeling out guy two. Wassup? too much apparently.
Kaplan Posted May 8, 2010 Posted May 8, 2010 You're not a slut, but I'm sure guy 2 thinks you are. I mean his friend must have told him you two were dating (even though you weren't.)
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