artchick88 Posted May 7, 2010 Posted May 7, 2010 About a month ago, I hooked up with my friend's boyfriend. They've been together for a few years and live together but I'm pretty sure they are having a lot of problems. Our one time together was really passionate and romantic. (Without having sex) He wasn't using me or deceiving me. It just happened because we both like each other. We had become really good friends before this happened. Now things are a bit odd. I don't know how I'm supposed to act anymore. For awhile things were normal and a bit flirtatious which was typical and nice but now I think he's dealing with his guilt and has been seemingly putting more time into making his relationship good. Which is good! If that's what he really wants! I'm wondering if I should say something to him if we get a moment alone. I want to make sure he knows I have no ill intention and I don't want to mess anything up for them. I also want to give him a chance to tell me if it happened because he was impulsive, he has feelings for me, or because his relationship is failing (or all of the above). An explanation would help me deal with the situation and understand appropriate behavior. I want to tell him that I really want to remain friends, because his friendship does really mean a lot to me, and yes I would be okay with just being friends with him. (Although I would probably have to deal with an attraction, but I could do that) Or should I just leave it alone? I haven't been in his situation before so I really don't understand what the right thing to do would be. I would just like to emphasize: He is a really nice guy, and IS NOT a player or deceitful type. Just a human who gets confused and doesn't always do the right thing. Thanks!
fooled once Posted May 7, 2010 Posted May 7, 2010 About a month ago, I hooked up with my friend's boyfriend. They've been together for a few years and live together but I'm pretty sure they are having a lot of problems. Our one time together was really passionate and romantic. (Without having sex) He wasn't using me or deceiving me. It just happened because we both like each other. We had become really good friends before this happened. Now things are a bit odd. I don't know how I'm supposed to act anymore. For awhile things were normal and a bit flirtatious which was typical and nice but now I think he's dealing with his guilt and has been seemingly putting more time into making his relationship good. Which is good! If that's what he really wants! I'm wondering if I should say something to him if we get a moment alone. I want to make sure he knows I have no ill intention and I don't want to mess anything up for them. I also want to give him a chance to tell me if it happened because he was impulsive, he has feelings for me, or because his relationship is failing (or all of the above). An explanation would help me deal with the situation and understand appropriate behavior. I want to tell him that I really want to remain friends, because his friendship does really mean a lot to me, and yes I would be okay with just being friends with him. (Although I would probably have to deal with an attraction, but I could do that) Or should I just leave it alone? I haven't been in his situation before so I really don't understand what the right thing to do would be. I would just like to emphasize: He is a really nice guy, and IS NOT a player or deceitful type. Just a human who gets confused and doesn't always do the right thing. Thanks! Leave it alone! And I hope your friend realizes you really aren't her friend. Why did you do that to a friend? Man, that really sucks. Leave him alone, leave her alone and stay out of their relationship. Sounds like he regrets what he did and would prefer to not discuss it or think about it. Sounds like you really DO want him to want to do it again or break up with his girlfriend. He knows how to reach you - if he wants you, he will call you.
jthorne Posted May 7, 2010 Posted May 7, 2010 You've stressed a number of times that he's not a player. But he IS a cheater. And so are you. If you want to talk to somebody, talk to your friend. Tell her you're not a real friend for messing with her BF. And her BF is a cheating, lying loser for messing with you.
Author artchick88 Posted May 7, 2010 Author Posted May 7, 2010 You've stressed a number of times that he's not a player. But he IS a cheater. And so are you. If you want to talk to somebody, talk to your friend. Tell her you're not a real friend for messing with her BF. And her BF is a cheating, lying loser for messing with you. 1) I am not a cheater, as I am not in a relationship. 2) Telling the friend would cause unnecessary heartache for her and I don't need to do that to her. 3) I don't really think that anything is so black and white as you're making it out to be. I don't want anything to continue or to cause more pain for anyone else. I'm just hoping that by talking to him I can put both mine and his discomforts to rest so he can figure out what's really going on in his relationship. Additionally, I don't want him to think I feel no remorse because I do. Sometimes the truth is best left unsaid. Their relationship will work out as it should regardless if she finds out about a one-time mistake. And yes, I do feel tremendous guilt.
whichwayisup Posted May 7, 2010 Posted May 7, 2010 You are hurting your so-called "friend" by helping him cheat on her. Yes, I'm going to be harsh, but you're NO friend. Not anymore. I would just like to emphasize: He is a really nice guy, and IS NOT a player or deceitful type. Yes he is. He is deceiving her, and has cheated, and lied. He may be a nice guy, but he is STILL doing something bad behind her back. With you! He's SELFISH, as are you. SO what if they are having problems. I'm sure HE told you this, or is this just what you assume, maybe have seen? You have no idea what goes on behind closed doors, fact is, they live together and have been together for a long time.. I don't understand how you could do this to your friend. And how he can do this to her..That's double betrayal. Be prepared for the fallout. Maybe he'll confess and tell her. DO NOT talk to him, leave it alone and distance yourself from both of them. I really hope you aren't trying to be in their life, be her friend after everything that has happened. Let it go and find a single guy.
jwi71 Posted May 8, 2010 Posted May 8, 2010 1) I am not a cheater, as I am not in a relationship. 2) Telling the friend would cause unnecessary heartache for her and I don't need to do that to her. 3) I don't really think that anything is so black and white as you're making it out to be. I don't want anything to continue or to cause more pain for anyone else. I'm just hoping that by talking to him I can put both mine and his discomforts to rest so he can figure out what's really going on in his relationship. Additionally, I don't want him to think I feel no remorse because I do. Sometimes the truth is best left unsaid. Their relationship will work out as it should regardless if she finds out about a one-time mistake. And yes, I do feel tremendous guilt. Huh? You are NOT a cheater yet you won't tell your friend. Why not? Since you aren't cheating with her bf why would it cause heartache? Do you know a GREAT litmus test is...would you "hook up" with your friend's bf in her presence? NO...then its cheating. And just to hammer this point home...why do you feel guilty? If you aren't cheating then WHY feel guilty? Why the remorse? Think about it.
RedDevil66 Posted May 8, 2010 Posted May 8, 2010 Ahhh, the good ole "I'm not the cheater, he is" Yeah, you're the cheater as well. Leave them both alone and try to focus on yourself and wonder why you would stab a friend in the back. Gain some spiritual maturity. And no, he's not a nice guy, nice guys don't cheat on the people they love
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