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Blind by Love

BlindbyLove

By BlindbyLove
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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BlindbyLove Member

BlindbyLove

Posted
Posted

First off, I don't know what brought me to this site or how I even found it but after spending a few days as a guest, I just want to say, I appreciate all the comments and posts that everyone has shared in this time of need.

 

Getting through Life is hard enough to deal with let alone having to deal with losing a love one along the way. I just want to thank those here that has shared their experiences and their idea's for getting through these rough times.....Thanks

 

Briefly about me......and I'm not the perfect person, I have my faults.

 

I don't know what to do. My wife and I have been together for 12 yrs and we have a 9yr old son together.

 

2 months ago she decided to leave me and took my son with her. Never in my wildest dream did I think that would ever happen but it did. I've tried everything in my power to try and get her back but to no avail.

 

I feel like the worlds biggest a** because I continue to do everything for her and be there for her at her every beckon call thinking it will bring us back together but instead, I'm finding myself getting hurt just the much more.

 

Since she has left, I have seen her in consent contact (texting) with 2 unknown numbers on her phone. One being from the city in which we live in and 1 being from some guy that lives in another state. (1500 miles away) When I ask her about it she just said that it was not my business and that it wasn't like the way it looked. Once again I can't see past the love I have for her to allow this crap to happen, not just say screw it and walk away.

 

I've tried to say enough is enough but after just a few days i can't help but think about her and wonder what she is doing. So, like a fool, I call her and try to just be a friend and do good to her just to get sh*t on again.

Why is it so hard to to see the wrong and hurt that she is causing me?

 

I want to stay away but we still have a child together and the weekends are the only time that i get to be a father. So, here I am having to see her which just tears me up all over again. I try to explain to her and my son that if we aren't going to be together please allow me to stay away for awhile so that i can try to repair my broken heart, so that in the future, I might be able to come around and not be bother by the emotions that arise between her and I. Her response to me was, (To make me feel guilty) You just want to abandon your child and not deal with this head on like a real father/man should. No, I'm sorry if I can't be like you and just throw 12yrs behind me in less than 2 months like she can. So, i guess that makes me a bad person.

 

I will save everyone the long drawn out story that so many here has already dealt with, seen or can even relate to and bring you up to this day. 5/7/10

 

It's Mother's Day weekend and I had all intent to help my son do something nice for his mother on her special day, just to be shot down with the news that i won't be getting my son this weekend because she is going away for the weekend to visit her older son(14) and the guy she was with b4 I came along.

I don't know if anything is going on and I would like to think I know her well enough not to think there is, but...... why all of a sudden do you need to go to his house and your son not come to yours? Why all of a sudden is he texting all day long from sun up to late into the night.

 

IDK, I have so much that could be said here but really don't know how to put the way i feel into words. If anyone here can help out a new guy with some good advise to how I can gain back my W or how I can deal with the pain to walk away, It would be highly appreciated.

 

If you have need for me to answer questions please feel free to ask, Thanks

Chochobong Member

Chochobong

Posted
Posted

Only got time for a short post right now...

 

Listen to your gut and watch her actions. Do not put any weight on her words. Her getting defensive will usually indicate you've stuck a nerve of truth (and thus she turns the table around on you). She no longer believes she owes you the truth and explanations, and she will lie to your face.

GrayClouds Established Member

GrayClouds

Posted
Posted (edited)

I am really sorry about your lost, and really sorry about you child being in the middle of it. It sounds like this may be a bit of a pattern for her and your chances of getting her back is low, I suspect she has already moved on. Again I am sorry.

 

I have 3 peices of advice:

 

First read the following:

So you want a second chance?

and do what it says. While total NC is not available keep conversations with her just him and spending time.

 

Two pick up the book Love Must be Tough by Dobson. It has some religion overtones but the overall points made are good. (You may want to pick up the book From Abandonment to Healing to help you through the loss too)

 

Finally see a lawyer and make sure you hold on to your right as a father, your son is going to need you very much in his life.

 

I wish you good luck. Keep posting.

Edited by GrayClouds
mickleb Established Member

mickleb

Posted
Posted

I'm so sorry to hear what you're going through.

 

You sound like a really decent, responsible father who does not deserve this. Your wife is being very mean and not being a good mother, as a result.

 

Please do exactly what you have suggested you wish to do and take some time to heal. Your son will understand this, if not right now, then in the long run. And it is the future that you need to think of now.

 

She's gone and, if she hadn't and returned, would go again. She's no longer committed to you and appears to have run back to her ex. Let her go. You really do deserve more.

 

Keep posting here. It's a good place. It, we, will help you through this.

 

You will get through and you will receive the respect of your son, also. I'm sure of it. Really am.

 

Take care.

 

x

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BlindbyLove Member

BlindbyLove

Posted
  • Author
Posted
I am really sorry about your lost, and really sorry about you child being in the middle of it. It sounds like this may be a bit of a pattern for her and your chances of getting her back is low, I suspect she has already moved on. Again I am sorry.

 

I have 3 peices of advice:

 

First read the following:

So you want a second chance?

and do what it says. While total NC is not available keep conversations with her just him and spending time.

 

Two pick up the book Love Must be Tough by Dobson. It has some religion overtones but the overall points made are good. (You may want to pick up the book From Abandonment to Healing to help you through the loss too)

 

Finally see a lawyer and make sure you hold on to your right as a father, your son is going to need you very much in his life.

 

I wish you good luck. Keep posting.

Thanks everyone for your in-put.

I was able to order Love Must be Tough form local library, in which i'm somewhat religious, so i won't mind the reference. The other book you mentioned does not list so I don't know if it has another title or not but again thanks for the help.

Chochobong Member

Chochobong

Posted
Posted
Thanks everyone for your in-put.

I was able to order Love Must be Tough form local library, in which i'm somewhat religious, so i won't mind the reference. The other book you mentioned does not list so I don't know if it has another title or not but again thanks for the help.

http://www.amazon.com/Journey-Abandonment-Healing-Relationship-Beginning/dp/0425172287/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1273295434&sr=8-1

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