idleheart Posted May 7, 2010 Posted May 7, 2010 Hello everyone... I am in need of a little guidance. Well maybe a lot. My situation is a bit complicated. I am a divorcee of several years at this point. The man I am dating has been separated since last July and we have been dating officially since New Years. He is not legally divorced and he is clearly not over her. This past weekend he and I moved in together under the premise that he was moving past her and we were really good, but I know better than to trust fully and my intuition is right as usual. She blocked his number due to incessant texting on his part but they still email. He tells her that "in the meantime" he is going to enjoy being with me. She will NOT want him back and does not want him back and it doesn't click in his head. More and more i feel like his passing phase and WE LIVE TOGETHER NOW! (I just came upon the most recent batch of emails today as he has gotten better at hiding them knowing that i dont trust him... wonder why?) He keeps telling me I simply need to trust him but when I find things like this how am I supposed to just blindly trust and not worry about things? He and his family agree that I am better in all aspects for him than his wife but he simply can't just be happy with me and let her go as she has let him go. (her responses are not as emotionally driven as his she keeps it simple.) I want to scream and smack him and I dont know what to do. HELP!!
mansquito Posted May 7, 2010 Posted May 7, 2010 He isn't even legally divorced yet. Why the hell did you move in with him? I wasn't ready to seriously date anybody for a full year after my divorce, let alone move in with them, and I was totally over my ex. One of you needs to move out.
mansquito Posted May 7, 2010 Posted May 7, 2010 ...and I was totally over my ex. Meaning, I was totally over her from day one. I'm the one who left, and I never looked back. If this guy's the one who got dumped, he's probably should be seeing anybody seriously for a long, long time. Let alone living with them.
Author idleheart Posted May 7, 2010 Author Posted May 7, 2010 moving in with me was his idea and it seems like i keep getting hurt. he purposely looks for info on his ex and i guess i am playing the fool here.
Mary3 Posted May 7, 2010 Posted May 7, 2010 RUN !! He has said all he needs to , he has done all he needs to that shows you should NOT be in a R with him ! Do not walk , RUN ! I promise you a world of hurt if you stay in this nightmare.
make me believe Posted May 7, 2010 Posted May 7, 2010 Yes, you are definitely the fool in this situation. 1) You chose to get involved with a man who is not divorced yet 2) You MOVED IN WITH a man who is not divorced yet 3) Even worse, you moved in with a man who texts his ex so incessantly that she had to block his number!!! Hello?! WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN THINKING? He is biding his time with you, all the while hoping that his ex will take him back. Believe me, if she ever decides she wants him back he'll leave you in a second! You are being used, and why you're willing to put up with such treatment is beyond me. You can't force somebody to get over someone else -- and why would you want to?? Leave him to pine over his ex alone and find yourself a man that wants YOU!
Author idleheart Posted May 7, 2010 Author Posted May 7, 2010 It would be one thing if all the while he was acting like this. He was hiding a lot of this from me. Most of this is recent discovery. It seemed like ok average guy who is looking to start over I get that Ive been there. The more I uncover the more I feel like he really is just biding his time and settling for me. His ex will never want him back she has made that as clear as one person can make something. And I have not tried to force him to get over her but more or less wish he would. It has been nearly a year since they seperated and she has moved so far past him and he simply seems like he wants to relive it all the while telling me he loves me.
Mary3 Posted May 7, 2010 Posted May 7, 2010 Can you spell R E B O U N D ? Thats what you are. Thats what guys do to try and forget someone they are NOT OVER ! SO.....you get hurt in the process. He tries and tries to get her back USING YOU . Its like " Hey , see I got this girl right here ( waving hands ) Are you jealous yet ( to his ex ) ? " Look up Rebound NIGHTMARES on Google ....or just Rebound. Read horror stories of what you are in for. Please go !
Author idleheart Posted May 7, 2010 Author Posted May 7, 2010 I've. Asked him point blank and he claims he rebounded with someone else. I don't buy it . My bf is on this site as well and I don't think he realizes how many of his posts I've read...
Mary3 Posted May 8, 2010 Posted May 8, 2010 What I'm about to say IS NOT a reflection on you at all. You've gotten entangled with the wrong guy. He's with you because he can't be with her. He's filling a void. He's not divorced; you moved in together after dating for four months; he's at the point of harrassing his stbxw. He doesn't want to be alone and if he's lucky, the "appearance" of him moving on with someone else might spur her back into action with him. He's clearly not over her. You already KNOW this. Looking for information to support what your gut is telling you (and finding the info you needed to do just that) is really enough. Don't second guess yourself here. So perhaps he's had another relationship before you (another red flag IMO) but she probably dumped him for this same ludicrous behavior. Don't look for ways to accept or justify or rationalize this. It is what it is. Let this man go. The sooner you do, the sooner you will be available to meet someone genuine. Excellent advice ! ..........
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