mikarla Posted May 7, 2010 Posted May 7, 2010 I made it to these forums in a desperate google search to decipher the intentions of the guy I'm seeing and it seems like you guys are incredibly helpful and insightful so I'd like your opinions; Met a guy online about a month ago and we hit it off immediately. Had our first two dates in the same week and then went hiking on our third. During the hike he mentioned that he was going to his parents house after it for dinner so we couldn't do anything fun afterward but he said I could come along if I liked. I declined because I thought it was too early for the whole meet the parents thing + I thought the invitation was only offered out of politeness. We scheduled to go on the hike again the following weekend plus dinner during the week, he canceled both of these outings. The dinner was canceled with a genuine excuse as he works for the police and there was a siege and I know he was there because I saw him on the news, lol. As for the hike, we hadn't made any concrete plans so he called me on the Sunday morning apologizing for not calling on Fri or Sat as he had traveled interstate for work and didn't take his cell. It's now Friday and I haven't heard from him since Sunday. I know that he is very busy with work, but I am getting the impression that he's over it. Should I call him? He has also deactivated his dating profile on the website, my first instinct tells me that he's met someone else and started to get serious with her. What do you guys think?
tigressA Posted May 7, 2010 Posted May 7, 2010 He's over it. If he were truly interested, he would definitely have contacted you by now. No one is too busy to engage in some form of contact with someone they're really into. It's time for you to get over him.
Fouts Posted May 7, 2010 Posted May 7, 2010 I'd agree with Tigress. We don't go that long without touching base if it's someone we want or care about. It only takes a minute to send an email or leave a message, not even Obama's that busy.
Arasae Posted May 7, 2010 Posted May 7, 2010 Agreed with the aforementioned posters: he's moved on. As I am prone to quoting, "Busy is another word for *******. ******* is another word for the guy you're dating". ~Greg Behrendt. If a guy really likes you, there ain't nothin' that'll stop him from getting what he wants. But hey, he's only cheating himself, because he doesn't get to be with you. And I, for one, think he's totally blown it; five days without contact? Show him the door! Any man who keeps you waiting by the phone like that is NOT worth your time.
Author mikarla Posted May 8, 2010 Author Posted May 8, 2010 Thanks for the replies guys, you're pretty much echoing what I know to be true on the inside (I was just trying to delude myself into thinking differently) I just wish it wasn't the case because I really like the guy and thought he felt the same way. It hurts because I'm NEVER the one who gets chased and I've never had a real relationship, and I thought that maybe this guy was different.
Austen Posted May 8, 2010 Posted May 8, 2010 He's definitely not into you. Hang in there though! You're not alone in your feelings. I just got rejected this week by a guy who really seemed into me. This early in the dating scenario, men usually seem to be seeing more than one woman and then they decide which one they like best and go with her. It sucks for those of us left behind and alone, but you just gotta pick yourself up, dust yourself off and move on! There are bigger and better fish in the sea!
D-Lish Posted May 8, 2010 Posted May 8, 2010 Ugh, he's a cop? My gf is a police officer and her number one dating tip is "never date a cop". DON"T CALL HIM, don't chase him. Trust what your gut tells you. And don't believe for a second that he forgot his cell phone and went away for the weekend. If your gut is telling you something is off- it IS off. Never underestimate the power of your instincts.
Author mikarla Posted May 8, 2010 Author Posted May 8, 2010 He's definitely not into you. Hang in there though! You're not alone in your feelings. I just got rejected this week by a guy who really seemed into me. This early in the dating scenario, men usually seem to be seeing more than one woman and then they decide which one they like best and go with her. Aww, it sucks that you know how I'm feeling, it hurts! I'm pretty sure there's another woman involved due to the whole deactivating his profile thing. I just wish that *I* was the one chosen instead of being the discarded one like I always am *throws self a pity party* Haha, I sound soooo whiny. Ugh, he's a cop? My gf is a police officer and her number one dating tip is "never date a cop". DON"T CALL HIM, don't chase him. Trust what your gut tells you. And don't believe for a second that he forgot his cell phone and went away for the weekend. If your gut is telling you something is off- it IS off. Never underestimate the power of your instincts. Haha yeah, he's a cop and very much involved with his work (and himself, by all accounts). I'm not calling him, no way, no how. I don't believe the forgetting the cell phone thing either, he is pretty negligent when it comes to phones etc, but that just screams of a blow off. Besides, if he was actually sorry for canceling again he would have called by now to reschedule. I am trusting my instincts on this one and it's pretty clear from most outsiders perspectives that he's "just not that into me"... JERK, jk/s.
Austen Posted May 8, 2010 Posted May 8, 2010 You'll get through this! Like I just posted on another thread--you want to be with someone who worships the ground you walk on; not with someone who treats you like the ground you walk on. You might want to read It's Called a Breakup Because It's Broken. It's by the same author who wrote He Just Not That Into You. Both are EXTREMELY helpful books for getting through and over this kind of stuff. Hang in there! We both deserve better!
amagordos Posted May 8, 2010 Posted May 8, 2010 Im sorry about that guy. I know kind of how you feel. I'm always getting rejected by the guys I like. I wish that for once the guys I actually liked were into me, but look at the bright side. He didn't lead you on that much and now you can look for another guy that is actually worth your time.
Author mikarla Posted May 8, 2010 Author Posted May 8, 2010 You'll get through this! Like I just posted on another thread--you want to be with someone who worships the ground you walk on; not with someone who treats you like the ground you walk on. You might want to read It's Called a Breakup Because It's Broken. It's by the same author who wrote He Just Not That Into You. Both are EXTREMELY helpful books for getting through and over this kind of stuff. Hang in there! We both deserve better! Damn straight we both deserve better! I've waited a long time for that someone who really wants and cares about me, no harm in searching a little longer. I don't want a man who doesn't want me just as much (well thats what my brain is currently saying but I'm not listening to it) I've read He's Just Not That Into you and I might pick up the other one for a read. Im sorry about that guy. I know kind of how you feel. I'm always getting rejected by the guys I like. I wish that for once the guys I actually liked were into me, but look at the bright side. He didn't lead you on that much and now you can look for another guy that is actually worth your time. Rejection, every time I experience I start regretting even beginning to date people in the first place. Yeah, he didn't really lead me on and I guess I'm not sure how else he could have ended it considering we've only been on a few dates.
Author mikarla Posted May 10, 2010 Author Posted May 10, 2010 Just bumping my own thread to reaffirm just how right the advice in this thread was. So, I caved and called him... I know, not my finest hour. Right now I have a tear stained face because I heard exactly what I feared, he was seeing someone else, and even though that didn't work out he still isn't interested in seeing me again. But he wishes me all the best etc, back to the drawing board. If your instincts tell you something (and those instincts are reiterated by anonymous people on the internet) it's probably best you listen to them, the fears are there for a reason.
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