jlr Posted May 7, 2010 Posted May 7, 2010 So I'm doing much better. Busy with new things in my life: school, a house with friends, making music. I've gone out a few times with a girl. She's away at school, but we keep in touch on the phone, email. She's coming back to our area in a month or so. I like her, but it's not the same. And I know it won't be. But it just is missing that magic I felt for my ex. That butterflies in your stomach feel. I know that love isn't about that forever, but that initial spark...I don't know if it's there. Maybe I'm just not ready. Maybe I'm purposely not allowing myself to feel anything new. I don't know. I get frustrated. It's been a year and a half since we broke up, 5 months since we stopped talking. I know I'm getting better because the pain is more bearable. But the thing is, the pain is still there. And I know I'm better because I know my ex isn't who she was. But, I still miss who she was. It's like I'm in love with an imaginary person. Like I made her up. But I didn't. She was here once. She's just not now. I've made so many leaps since this happened, but some days, I just completely fall apart. And I still have so much regret and guilt for the smallest, dumbest things, that I obsess over. A few weeks ago, I wrote a letter on here about moving on and letting go. I think I'm getting there. But I'll warn those who are new to this - the road isn't easy. Even when you're way down it, there's potholes to set you back a few miles.
GrayClouds Posted May 7, 2010 Posted May 7, 2010 First off you get 3 points for great thread title But your are right, you just not ready yet and pushing it just makes you feel bad. And when you feel bad it easy for your mind to go looking for the easiest solution; in this case pastellizing (I think I invented a new word Pestellizing- the act of polishing your EX so even her turds look golden) the EX and thinking of a better time before you felt bad. The good news is you are still driving in the right direction, despite a bump in the road here and there. Just keep your eyes off the rear view mirror and your focus on what is coming over the hill.
northstar1 Posted May 7, 2010 Posted May 7, 2010 First off you get 3 points for great thread title But your are right, you just not ready yet and pushing it just makes you feel bad. And when you feel bad it easy for your mind to go looking for the easiest solution; in this case pastellizing (I think I invented a new word Pestellizing- the act of polishing your EX so even her turds look golden) the EX and thinking of a better time before you felt bad. The good news is you are still driving in the right direction, despite a bump in the road here and there. Just keep your eyes off the rear view mirror and your focus on what is coming over the hill. I like this. It is true, I rushed it with my prior ex and put her on an even higher pedestal after a date too soon. Even though the girl was nice, my mind kept saying "She didn't laugh there, my ex would have" "My ex liked to drink shiraz.....she likes merlot" "My ex likes the same tv shows I do......she doesn't" "She's pretty, but my ex has a better 'xxxx"" Until you write her off in your head and then run home and miss your ex even more.
EricaH329 Posted May 7, 2010 Posted May 7, 2010 And I know I'm better because I know my ex isn't who she was. But, I still miss who she was. It's like I'm in love with an imaginary person. Like I made her up. But I didn't. She was here once. She's just not now. I've written this exact thing myself about my ex also. I'd like to point out, that you didn't make her up nor were you in love with an imaginary person. You were very much in love with a real person. The only problem is, that the person you fell in love with isn't there anymore. I know exactly how you feel. I got over it by realizing that the person I had once fallen in love with, is the exact person that i'd like to fall in love with again. I have come to terms with the fact that my ex isn't that person anymore. I've grieved the loss of the man that I fell in love with, and am looking forward to finding exactly what I want out of another person. It's almost the same concept as a person dying. They are no longer there anymore. You have to allow yourself to grieve them.
GrayClouds Posted May 7, 2010 Posted May 7, 2010 I like this. pedestal It would be even better is I could spell;)
Author jlr Posted May 7, 2010 Author Posted May 7, 2010 Greyclouds - Thanks. You're right, I am putting her on a pedestal. And I'm forgetting one major thing: While she may have been amazing for a while, she broke my heart harder than anyone ever has. And I've been in pain because of it. Thanks for those extra points for the title Northstar - That's what I'm doing, for sure. Comparisons. Makes me feel more lonely after the date than before it. EricaH - Yeah. Sometimes it does seem easier to process it when you just treat it like a death. Otherwise, your left with uncertainty and curiousity about how you could fix it. Thanks to all three of you for your input.
mr heartbroken Posted May 8, 2010 Posted May 8, 2010 Hey, good post. I am also at the year and a bit stage. This really hits home. I have been on dates and slept with a couple of woman to try and move on. It didn't work for me. Some people seem to move on quicker. I also made my ex A GOD in my eyes! She could do no wrong and still can't do anything wrong! I haven't spoken to her for over eight months but still think of her every day! I agree that it's like a death. Sometimes you need to mourn and there is no set time for that..... Thanks for the post and good luck.
skydiveaddict Posted May 8, 2010 Posted May 8, 2010 The-road to recovery is indeed full of potholes. I'd give anything just to once and for all let her go
Author jlr Posted May 8, 2010 Author Posted May 8, 2010 mrheartbroken - It's true. Some people do just seem to move on quicker. Or maybe they're just better at shutting it off. I wish you good luck in your situation. Hopefully, we'll both get this out of our system one day. skydive - I would also give anything for that. Hopefully that's in the cards for all of us heartbroken people.
mr heartbroken Posted May 10, 2010 Posted May 10, 2010 Jlr.... I have a friend that roughly about the same time got dumped. He had been in a three you relashionship with this girl. She split with him. Within three months he was back dating. Maybe this was his way of dealing with it. For me I doubt it. He was ready to move on. Like I said I have dated and had a couple if one night stands. I am not ready! I hate it but I'm not. Some of my friends are diein for me to move on but just not ready;( anyways good luck and I hope that all goes well for you;)
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