txsilkysmoothe Posted May 7, 2010 Posted May 7, 2010 I wonder if you're sizing her up (ha) from the perspective of both an overweight man and a future thin man. You may consider her good enough for you now, but also know that once you attain your own weight loss goals, you'll feel you deserve a skinny woman? Possible?
norajane Posted May 7, 2010 Posted May 7, 2010 He said she's 87 kg. That translates to 191 pounds, and she's 5 foot, 6 inches. Not an 8-10 size US.
txsilkysmoothe Posted May 7, 2010 Posted May 7, 2010 He said she's 87 kg. That translates to 191 pounds, and she's 5 foot, 6 inches. Not an 8-10 size US. Right, that is a size 16, maybe 14.
Arabella Posted May 7, 2010 Posted May 7, 2010 OP said she wears a size 14 pant and size 12 top. It sounds about right to me. I'm the same height as she is and 10 lbs heavier (albeit I probably have a little more muscle than her, as I am a swimmer) and I wear the exact same sizes. Still though... she is gorgeous, younger and obviously desirable to many other men (700 emails in a week!?). He says how amazing she is but on the other hand he acts like he's too good for her. Why start dating her at all if this is how you felt? The people whose opinion you're so worried about are not going to spend the rest of their lives with you. SHE could though. Be grateful you've found such an amazing woman who actually wants you and stop worrying. Arabella
scatterd Posted May 7, 2010 Posted May 7, 2010 I love to love the person weight has nothing to do with who we are.That can always changed with hard work.If they feel bad about their self do things with them eat right and love them for who they are.Im under weight but I was a little over for a couple of years due to female stuff but my brother helped me I went on a diet and did moto cross it was hard work but lots of fun him and my family helped.But love for who they are not what you think they should be.Good luck. rideing with honda
quankanne Posted May 7, 2010 Posted May 7, 2010 Oh wow it's a size 8/10 in the Us? and he's upset about a girl that size?!?! that's not even fat..wow. ah, but in this size-obsessed society, where little E.T. extra-terrestrial clones are considered the height of beauty, and size 0 clothing the ideal, a healthy woman who is an 8 or a 10 is horribly FAT. Hell, there used to be a commercial for some kind of diet meal plan in which this lovely girl went from a scandalous size 8 to a size 4. And she looked better WITH the weight, more womanly but not heavy than she did with her big head, thin body and little muffin top ... you know, like E.T. the Extra Terrestrial.
Author trum39 Posted May 8, 2010 Author Posted May 8, 2010 She's probably on some other dating site right now saying "I really like this guy but he's a little too old for me, divorced and has 3 kids!!" Just sayin:cool: ..And you forgot "and is overweight and just had lapband surgery... Seriously thanks to everyone for the replies. Romance Im not a shallow douche bag who wants a perfect size 4. I dont like skinny girls, anything under size 12 for me is to small. I dont think she is a US 8-10 that sounds way to small. To give you an idea heres a pic of what she sort of looks like body size. (The girl on the right, although shes probably a bit bigger than her.) http://blufiles.storage.live.com/y1peAIC_PyjVfV3WfEyW_1Fg_WfUcwD_N3AZYUMbRhRYT8gdBxDqxjcDJiLDeUOKRy0nK5tsDo_w50 Heres another (Size 16 on right although her top half is more like the size 12.) http://streetbonersandtvcarnage.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/12/3414e48eaba361eb159d4f9b0e8727b5.jpg Ive certainly learned a lot from reading these posts. Its not that I think I will get skinny and deserve a skinnier woman. I wasn't in a hurry to get into a relationship in the first place because I had the whole banding thing going on. If I thought that I would have just waited anyway. I really don't know what it is..My last GF was a bit overweight and so was my ex wife. Shes Italian and so can have that tendency to eat big Italian meals and her parents are both overweight so maybe that for the moment shes a size that I'm comfortable with but I'm worried that if we stayed together long term she could become bigger. More reason to promote a healthy lifestyle with her I guess.. The 700 emails thing in one week wasn't an exaggeration..I saw her inbox on the dating site..she ended up closing her account because she was overwhelmed.
zicke Posted May 8, 2010 Posted May 8, 2010 (edited) ..And you forgot "and is overweight and just had lapband surgery... Seriously thanks to everyone for the replies. Romance Im not a shallow douche bag who wants a perfect size 4. I dont like skinny girls, anything under size 12 for me is to small. I dont think she is a US 8-10 that sounds way to small. To give you an idea heres a pic of what she sort of looks like body size. (The girl on the right, although shes probably a bit bigger than her.) http://blufiles.storage.live.com/y1peAIC_PyjVfV3WfEyW_1Fg_WfUcwD_N3AZYUMbRhRYT8gdBxDqxjcDJiLDeUOKRy0nK5tsDo_w50 Heres another (Size 16 on right although her top half is more like the size 12.) http://streetbonersandtvcarnage.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/12/3414e48eaba361eb159d4f9b0e8727b5.jpg Ive certainly learned a lot from reading these posts. Its not that I think I will get skinny and deserve a skinnier woman. I wasn't in a hurry to get into a relationship in the first place because I had the whole banding thing going on. If I thought that I would have just waited anyway. I really don't know what it is..My last GF was a bit overweight and so was my ex wife. Shes Italian and so can have that tendency to eat big Italian meals and her parents are both overweight so maybe that for the moment shes a size that I'm comfortable with but I'm worried that if we stayed together long term she could become bigger. More reason to promote a healthy lifestyle with her I guess.. The 700 emails thing in one week wasn't an exaggeration..I saw her inbox on the dating site..she ended up closing her account because she was overwhelmed. You aren't ready to date. Put down the internet dating and concentrate on losing your beer belly and muffin top. You do realize that you are an overweight, heck obese (lap band) over 40 man who is divorced, paying chid support and a sense of entitlement that may just rival Brad Pitt's. As a woman in your age range, with no weight problem, you are not someone I would date. I would rather be single. Water seeks it's own level. Your level isn't supermodel. Might as well get used to it. I just hope she finds someone who isn't as shallow as you. Edited May 8, 2010 by zicke
brainygirl Posted May 8, 2010 Posted May 8, 2010 Uhm, i hate to say this, but the OP is insane, the girls in the pictures he posted are gorgeous! He needs to get off his high horse and cut her loose so she can find someone who isn't an image obsessed a$$hat. And another thing, the people you worry about talking about her weight, are talking about you, but it isn't your weight or the weight of the women you date, its the fact you and an oblivious phony.
Holding-On Posted May 8, 2010 Posted May 8, 2010 Uhm, i hate to say this, but the OP is insane, the girls in the pictures he posted are gorgeous! He needs to get off his high horse and cut her loose so she can find someone who isn't an image obsessed a$$hat. And another thing, the people you worry about talking about her weight, are talking about you, but it isn't your weight or the weight of the women you date, its the fact you and an oblivious phony. You are right about that. I smell the overwhelming stench of eau de troll.
Austen Posted May 8, 2010 Posted May 8, 2010 You're an a** and she needs to get away from you YESTERDAY. She deserves to be with a man who worships the ground she walks on; not with a man who treats her like the ground she walks on.
bananalaffytaffy Posted May 8, 2010 Posted May 8, 2010 (edited) So you've even been concerned enough about this to go surfing for photos of "chubby" girls to show us? You sir, are self absorbed and shallow. Just because you've had a weight problem all your life, gives you no right to judge the weight of others. Soon, you'll be quantifying everything she puts in her mouth, and how many hours she spends on the couch each day. If you can't love her for who she is, you owe it to her to leave her. No, I am not overweight. I stick around 4- 6, and work very hard for it. I had a friend that was heavy, and had bypass. She had a BF during this time, and even when she got skinnier than I, he still saw her and treated her like a fat girl. Hopefully, your lady will see the true you some day, and find someone worthy of her. Edited May 8, 2010 by bananalaffytaffy
Lakeside_runner Posted May 8, 2010 Posted May 8, 2010 You're an a** and she needs to get away from you YESTERDAY. She deserves to be with a man who worships the ground she walks on; not with a man who treats her like the ground she walks on. Just like he 'deserves' to be with someone he doesn't have any doubts about... WHAT IS WITH THE PEOPLE AND THE IDEA OF DESERVING ANYTHING?!?!?!?! Besides some basic respect that one would give any other person people don't deserve anything. If you want more - you have to EARN it!!!
hoping2heal Posted May 8, 2010 Posted May 8, 2010 Okay before I get pelted with stones and rocks like the guy in the other post similar to this heres my story...Im 41 have 3 kids, divorced and am 120 kgs and have just had lapband surgery to lose weight. Ive recently met a girl online and then we met in person a week ago. I told her about the surgery I was having and she was fine about it all. She's gorgeous and I really like her but she is a bit overweight. Shes a size 14 in pants and a size 12 in tops which i know isnt that big at all. I dont like and never have liked skinny girls but for some reason it worries me a bit that this lovely girl is overweight. I know that I cant talk and I asked her if she cared I was overweight and she said it doesn't worry her and shes not shallow. either am I..Im fat myself...But it still worrys me that she is overweight. I really really want to be able to just forget about it..at my age I don't have mates to impress although shes very hot looking anyway and shes only 33 with perfect skin. So I don't want to hear.."Your a shallow bastard and she deserves better" I do intend to continue in a relationship with this woman..I just want some advice on not to be worried about her weight so much. I think that its not so much that I care but more so that I care about what other people might think or say about her. And at my age and weight this shouldn't be an issue.. So some advice would be appreciated... Do you think it could be possible that what is bothering you about her weight, is your own feelings about your weight? You already find her hot and sexy..so it's apparently not an issue of not being attracted to her. Is that right? Yet it bothers you that she is somewhat overweight. Are you afraid that she will someday balloon up? Or are you wanting to be rid of "fat" in your life and afraid that she doesn't have the same comittment to maintaining a healthy body as you are now finding yourself with? I don't know..I guess I just get the impression that a lot of this has to do with your own feelings from being fat for yourself.
Austen Posted May 9, 2010 Posted May 9, 2010 (edited) Just like he 'deserves' to be with someone he doesn't have any doubts about... WHAT IS WITH THE PEOPLE AND THE IDEA OF DESERVING ANYTHING?!?!?!?! Besides some basic respect that one would give any other person people don't deserve anything. If you want more - you have to EARN it!!! No, no, you're right. My bad. People certainly don't "deserve" anything. I guess in your world basic human rights shouldn't exist either because they're not "earned" but that's for another thread... So this woman should be so happy to be with someone who has issues with her body? Wow, what a lucky lady she is indeed! And if she ever wants to be valued by a man she needs to be a size 0-8? Well, there's "respect" at it's best. Thanks for the enlightenment. Here's what she doesn't deserve--she doesn't deserve to be made to feel like a lesser human being by someone dragging their baggage into the relationship. The OP needs to leave her alone unless and until he can sort out his issues. And I wish him luck. OP, you don't want to be perceived as "shallow" and you say that "I know that I can't talk." Well, the problem with that is you ARE talking...about HER weight. Of course people are going to believe you're shallow. Especially because she is an AVERAGE weight. For the most part, women love men even when they're not put together like a romance novel cover model. We accept you with all your flaws. But God forbid if a woman doesn't look like she just came off the runway. Now, I realize not all men feel that way about women, and there are certainly wonderful men out there who love a woman with a little extra. You say you don't like skinny girls. Well, this girl is not skinny and she's not obese. You're attracted to her and you like spending time with her. It seems like you're looking for a reason to sabotage this relationship. And if you're worried about what people say and think about her (which I'm extremely suspect of because I think this is all about what you think of her) then find new people to hang out with. It's not rocket science or brain surgery. Stop obsessing about the weight problem you perceive she has, and spend more time thinking about how you can become someone worthy of her time and emotional investment. Edited May 9, 2010 by Austen
julitasoup Posted May 9, 2010 Posted May 9, 2010 In a word, therapy. You need to work on your self esteem and self confidence. I think you have hit the nail on the head with your assessment that you are overly concerned with what others think. I get that. I have been a chubby chick all of my life and it has taken me a long time to like who I am, to have self confidence and really be most concerned with what I think of myself. Feeling good about myself brought many positive changes in all areas of my life. I am asked out all the time, I take pride in my appearance and am complimented on the way I look and I rather exude confidence. It makes me more approachable to people and the way people react to me are very different to when I questioned whether I had a right to be here or what people were thinking of me. If you are truly worried about her for health reasons, do what one of the other posters suggested: exercise together, cook healthy meals, etc. She doesn't have to be a size 6 to be healthy. I am very healthy and still wear a size 16. My sister, a size 4, has high blood pressure and high cholesterol. Unhealthy doesn't only have to do with size and body fat. Work on learning to like and accept yourself; it works wonders.
stillafool Posted May 9, 2010 Posted May 9, 2010 Okay before I get pelted with stones and rocks like the guy in the other post similar to this heres my story...Im 41 have 3 kids, divorced and am 120 kgs and have just had lapband surgery to lose weight. Ive recently met a girl online and then we met in person a week ago. I told her about the surgery I was having and she was fine about it all. She's gorgeous and I really like her but she is a bit overweight. Shes a size 14 in pants and a size 12 in tops which i know isnt that big at all. I dont like and never have liked skinny girls but for some reason it worries me a bit that this lovely girl is overweight. I know that I cant talk and I asked her if she cared I was overweight and she said it doesn't worry her and shes not shallow. either am I..Im fat myself...But it still worrys me that she is overweight. I really really want to be able to just forget about it..at my age I don't have mates to impress although shes very hot looking anyway and shes only 33 with perfect skin. So I don't want to hear.."Your a shallow bastard and she deserves better" I do intend to continue in a relationship with this woman..I just want some advice on not to be worried about her weight so much. I think that its not so much that I care but more so that I care about what other people might think or say about her. And at my age and weight this shouldn't be an issue.. So some advice would be appreciated... I say leave her alone and find you someone skinny. If you are concerned with what your friends think and you don't like fat - leave her for someone who will love her the way she is now. Why should she change for you? I would think at the ripe old age of 41 you would be over superficial sh-- by now.
stillafool Posted May 9, 2010 Posted May 9, 2010 You do realize that you are an overweight, heck obese (lap band) over 40 man who is divorced, paying chid support and a sense of entitlement that may just rival Brad Pitt's. As a woman in your age range, with no weight problem, you are not someone I would date. I would rather be single. This is what is so hilarious! He's a 41 year old man with 3 kids for God's sake. Someone call out the supermodels to come running!
WalkInThePark Posted May 9, 2010 Posted May 9, 2010 I think it is normal to be with someone you find attractive. I think it is also normal that you want to be with someone who other people look good. And last but not least, I think it is normal not wanting to be with someone who is not overweight. BUT in your case, with 1,74m and 120 kg, you have to know your place = you are overweight yourself so your looks ranking is not very high. Most thin women will not want you. I would not want you. I am 1,70m for 52 kg. Sex is part of a healthy relationship and I can't have sex with someone who weights more than twice as much as myself... You say that this girl is beautiful, has a nice skin AND she's significantly younger than you. Yes she is overweight. For 1,71m her weight should be maximum 75 kg. But if a girl of 1,71m and 87kg walks around with a guy of 1,74m and 120 kg walk hand in hand, what will people think? a) How did that fat guy get that attractive, younger, voluptuous woman or b) How did that round woman get this strong, tall, virile man? Be sure the answer is a) You know they always say that one should not worry about finding the right partner but rather about being the right partner. I suggest that you focus on how you can be more attractive = thinner before you focus on the weight she has to lose. After all, you are almost the same height but your 3 centimeters extra represent 33 kg!
WalkInThePark Posted May 9, 2010 Posted May 9, 2010 I say leave her alone and find you someone skinny. If you are concerned with what your friends think and you don't like fat - leave her for someone who will love her the way she is now. Why should she change for you? I would think at the ripe old age of 41 you would be over superficial sh-- by now. Well, he can try someone skinny but I can tell you that most skinny women don't want to be with a fat guy.
AngryTroll Posted May 9, 2010 Posted May 9, 2010 You can't help who you're attracted to. However, I think it's a bit rich of you to say she has an excess weight problem, especially since you're the one with the lap band. A size 16 may not be "average" but she isn't huge, so stop being such an a** hat.
Author trum39 Posted May 9, 2010 Author Posted May 9, 2010 @ still a fool..I say leave her alone and find you someone skinny. If you are concerned with what your friends think and you don't like fat - leave her for someone who will love her the way she is now. Why should she change for you? I would think at the ripe old age of 41 you would be over superficial sh-- by now. Obviously your still a fool with that comment..Read my original post..I dont want a skinny girl or to be with anyone else... @ Holding on You are right about that. I smell the overwhelming stench of eau de troll ..Thats cause your nose is to close to your A$$..grow up Im not a troll I came on here to ask for some honest advice. Thanks to the many others who have offered some good helpful advice and have understood what my original problem is instead of just making assumptions and not reading properly like the two posters quoted above. @Julitasoup and WalkInThePark Thanks for your posts they make good sense.
Pink Cupcakes Posted May 9, 2010 Posted May 9, 2010 Could you please translate kilos and meters into pounds and height, for us Americans, please? Then we can truly decide if she really is overweight. Thanks.
AngryTroll Posted May 10, 2010 Posted May 10, 2010 Could you please translate kilos and meters into pounds and height, for us Americans, please? Then we can truly decide if she really is overweight. Thanks. Not to sound bitchy, but why won't you Google it? It's not that difficult. Also, not all Americans are ignorant of the metric system 2.2 lbs= 1 kilo, do the math:p
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