furbaby Posted May 7, 2010 Posted May 7, 2010 This guy at school is making me feel uncomfortable. He was in one of my classes last quarter, and ever since then I feel like he seeks me out on campus to make awkward small talk. He has asked me about my boyfriend (now ex, but he doesn't need to know that) several times, and even went so far as to ask why I didn't have a ring on my finger. I barely know this guy, and he knows basically nothing about me. The thing is, he is from another country and I also think he might have a learning disability, so I wonder if those factors might sort of contribute to some of his behavior. Obviously being from another country or having a learning disability wouldn't automatically make a person socially inept, or excuse them from creepy behavior, but I'm trying to give him the benefit of the doubt. I hate being unfriendly, but I am generally pretty curt with him at this point and I always find a reason to walk away quickly. On Monday I was taking a break from the studio to check my messages and when I walked outside I saw him sitting in the courtyard in the distance. I decided to walk in the opposite direction and went up a few flights of stairs to a garden area to have some peace and quiet and privacy. I was sitting there listening to my messages when all of the sudden he is standing right in front of me. He said, "So when am I gonna get your number?" I was taken aback and I was like, "Well, not right now, I need to make a phone call." I felt super uncomfortable because we were the only people there. I excused myself quickly and walked away. I'm not sure how to handle this. I don't want to hurt his feelings or embarrass him. I know that's silly, but I just feel bad. I really get the feeling that he isn't a bad guy, just sort of clueless and annoying and lonely. The other thing is, I was assaulted when I was younger, and any kind of unwanted attention like this makes me especially anxious and uncomfortable. Part of me worries that I might make him angry if I flat-out reject him, and that scares me. Does anyone have advice about how to deal with this and a good way to nicely let him know that I'm not interested/don't want to give him my number? Thank you!
Samari Posted May 7, 2010 Posted May 7, 2010 If you don't feel comfortable with his constant presence around you, then you have the right to be left alone. Regardless of what "issues" he may or may not have. If you want to sound "nice" about the entire thing you can just tell him that you think he's a really nice guy, but you just feel uncomfortable with his constant habit of trying to accompany you and that you'd like him to back off. If the guy gets his feelings hurt oh well. That really isn't your problem. His attempts at trying to get to know a girl are a little unusual and awkward to say the least. Not saying it's his fault, but it is what it is. Like I said, if you feel uncomfortable tell him you'd like to be left alone. Simple as that.
Eeyore79 Posted May 7, 2010 Posted May 7, 2010 Tell him he seems like a nice enough guy, but your boyfriend wouldn't like you talking to him, and it wouldn't be appropriate for you to give him your phone number when you already have a boyfriend. Basically emphasise that you're taken, and your boyfriend doesn't like you talking to other guys, so you'd appreciate it if he respected the fact you're in a relationship and left you alone. If this doesn't work, then you may have to be a little nastier, and say "I've already told you, I'm taken - please just leave me alone". As a last resort you would have to contact the university and tell them you're being harassed by another student, and they would tell him to leave you alone.
Disillusioned Posted May 7, 2010 Posted May 7, 2010 Just yesterday, in fact, my buddy who is currently going through a nasty divorce told me what he said to a woman who tried to come onto him with a game-playing attitude... it was something like, "cool! I'm so over that grab-bag mentality. I know what I like!" He said he smiled cordially as he told her that, but those last five words sobered her up in a hurry.
Author furbaby Posted May 7, 2010 Author Posted May 7, 2010 My friend suggested that I say, "Sorry, I don't give my number out to people who I don't really know." And if he is still persistent then I should just say, "I'm not interested." I think this sounds Ok. I don't feel like mentioning a boyfriend would do much good, since so far he has totally disregarded any mention of it and seems to think I'm fair game since I'm not married.
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