mimanchi Posted May 7, 2010 Posted May 7, 2010 Guys, I posted below but I think I'm going to express things better here. I love this girl. Love her. But she had treated me poorly. I did what I could do bc I wanted to, not bc i had to. I opened my heart to her with a dream and she did nothing. she has left me alone. I should of been the one mad and asking for a break -- i did everything for her. and I did it expecting nothing but love in return. I asked her rents to marry her. I want to know what you all think of this letter. I'm not sure if i should send it or keep waiting with no contact on my part: Hey honey, Man, this has been a crazy week to say the least, huh. You go from trying to set a life up to thinking if we should set it back down. A million thoughts have been running in my mind, a million opinions have voiced themselves and at the end of the day -- none of that matters to me. What matters is you. What matters to me is your happiness above all else ... Baby, every stroke of time we shared, we created the most beautiful painting I've ever experienced. It wasn't perfect, but that's what made this story special ... it was ours ... I wouldn't have changed one thing about it. Especially you. We laughed. We cried. We shared everything. We just lacked the ability to hold each other at night. We didn't have touch. And yet we made it this far -- together. That's more than I can say for anyone else. When I tell people we did long distance for a year, their jaw hits the ground. Maybe we've forgotten how strong we really are -- any one of us could of left from day one -- but we never did. You know, for the last year, I saw you almost every night on Skype and Gtalk and we went to bed side by side. I've gone back on probably over 1000 images of you making silly faces, laughing, sleeping, picking your nose, holding the pup, looking away, your bum, you arm, your ear, cooking, dancing, in the bathroom, in the bedroom, mushing your face, angry, yelling, holding a fork, pulling your hair and my favorite chopsticks in nose ... every image from day one ... maybe every moment wasn't always happy, but I can't deny those pictures, those memories, nor will I ever. I've been sleeping with the computer on and a picture of you on Skype as you sleep because it helps a bit -- I just never hear you scream at me at night when I wake you. It's just not the same and I think I miss that the most. I love you and the pup so so so much. Please keep being who you both are. I have this awesome picture of you busting the brownie dance -- this is the girl I love, this is the girl who almost killed me on Godiva Chocolate. Seamonkies. Seamonkes! Seamonkes? And, I started laughing the other day -- you may want to practice your throwing skills, you missed with that sock by a long shot. I think about your face when you farted in front of me haha. It amazes me how much I know you, your quirks, your dislikes (egg tingy), things that make you happy, angry, things you don't want to talk about. It amazes me because I didn't live with you. I learned this by your voice. And our little pup, the craziest pup who took after his mom in every way. Puppy power is all I'm hearing right now. I can see him with a little toy in his mouth waiting by the door as we come in. His bum shaking, his little cry as he runs in circles, up and down. I still can't believe he peed on you lol. I want your happiness. I want it over mine. I thought a lot about the things you said, and I believe now it is honestly how you feel. There is nothing wrong with that, it is the truth. We will always question things one way or another. We will question if we part ways or we will question if we decided to stay. We will know that if we part right now, we can cherish the memories we made. We can make that step back from our painting and smile. If we choose to stay, yes, we will never know -- a regret yes, but a regret which comes with the memories. Maybe a dream is more beautiful than a dream fulfilled. The distance took a toll on me and affected everything ... I realize this now, after a long week of soul searching. We created this painting together nine years ago and we're going to step back together. You're not alone. Nothing is destroyed. We will live in suspended time and we can always go back no matter how old we get. No matter what life brings us, you will always find me there. You will always see me with a smile like I will always see you. This is what is important. I cherish you. I adore you. I wish I could touch your face as annoyed as you would be with me, maybe one last time ... I'd even take the yelling ... You are just like me. You know me very well. And for this, I did find my soulmate. I wanted to marry you -- If I take away the promise that I'd give my life up for you and that I'd do anything to make you happy, I am a liar. Since we started on our journey, I believed love to be a verb -- a selfless act for someone you love. I want you to feel the love I feel -- how lucky I have been -- even if that love is not shared with me. With love everything will seem possible. You can do anything in the world. You'll even end up in West Palm with no plans. I came into this story happy and I will leave happy. Look inside, find that happiness from within -- that's where it starts. You enhanced my life and my happiness -- you made me a better man for it. You and Marlowe gave me my first family. You will always be my first wife and the mother of my unborn children. Everything about you is perfect. Everything. From A - Z, in English, Italian and Korean. I wouldn't change one bit of you. I accept you for everything you are. You are the most beautiful girl inside and out I have ever met. I just wanted you in my arms at the end of this all and that's what it came down to. I'm sorry if I failed at times of weakness. And, I'm going to miss it all. You will forever be the Mona Lisa for me. Like Leonardo carrying his Mona Lisa, I will carry you every where I go for the rest of my life. This is what makes this so hard ... I can't explain it because I've never felt this before -- this is the last thing I want, it's the worst feeling I've ever felt, but I choose your happiness over mine. When we wished by that sunset the first time I came to Florida, I wished for your happiness. When we locked that heart you have picture on facebook, I wished for your happiness ... and that's just who I was when it came to you. When you need me, close your eyes. I may not be on skype or gtalk, but I'll be there waiting ... waiting on at our spot by a fire filled with candy hearts and a warm coco waiting just for you ... under those pop rock fireworks and those lemon sun drops. I will never leave you. Never. When we times one times one -- we will always get one -- I will always be a part of you as you will always be a part of me. This is my final gift to you. --- Thoughts? I can still wait for her to contact me to see what she says or send this email now. Is this is giving too much or if I should just go out with a "I hope this was worth it. Good luck".
DGM Posted May 7, 2010 Posted May 7, 2010 You've written a very nice letter, but my opinion, just keep it. Let her go. See if she comes back, but I wouldn't give her the letter. It's too much.
Author mimanchi Posted May 7, 2010 Author Posted May 7, 2010 Ok, should I end it now or wait for her? If she chooses to go -- how should I end it. I really, honestly, it will hurt, I don't deserve it and I don't want to be a coward about it and I don't want to say I love you either. I want it to be quick and done with. I don't want to let her in my head anymore ... or hear me cry. thank you btw
Author mimanchi Posted May 8, 2010 Author Posted May 8, 2010 Guys, this was the hardest thing I've ever done. For the first time I stuck to my word and gave my girl space she asked for. Literally, no text, no calls, nothing. It killed me honestly, but I never cracked. Today she calls me and tells me she misses and loves me. She opens up to me like never before. Reads me poems she wrote. I am so happy that this has moved forward and now we can work on us ... i called her freely tonight twice as I went out with my guy friends. I worked out. I joined a band. I did everything I wanted to do in this week of NC. She was impressed. I'm not saying that NC is the cure, but it allowed me to find a bit of myself and the space for her to think about me and come to the conclusion on how she feels.
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