burningheart Posted May 7, 2010 Posted May 7, 2010 Hi! all I'm new here and wanted some advice from all with a heart. Has anyone every broken up with someone out of anger and regretted it? Have any of you ever broken up with someone to test there love for you? I sure would like to know the stories of this before share my problem with you. Thanks
ADF Posted May 7, 2010 Posted May 7, 2010 Anyone can ruin a good relationship in a white-hot moment of anger. However, deliberately engineering a break up as some kind of test is just creepy and manipulative. I would steer well clear of a person who hatched a scheme like that.
DGM Posted May 7, 2010 Posted May 7, 2010 Anyway who does that isnt worthy of your love I agree. Doing that is just playing head games. Love is the feeling of security in your partner to not hurt you or take advantage of your feelings and emotions. What you are doing is the opposite here.
sphx26 Posted May 7, 2010 Posted May 7, 2010 No, I never say hurtful words when I'm angry, I just walk away until my head cools off.lol as with breaking up to test if they come back and fight for you? nope. I wouldn't like to cause a person unnecessary pain. Besides, IMHO, wouldn't it be like deceiving yourself in the process because you know you don't really want to break up as much as trying to get a reaction from him/her?
Nikki Sahagin Posted May 7, 2010 Posted May 7, 2010 Break ups can also stem from self-sabotaging/self-destructive behaviour - particularly in severely insecure people who don't feel they deserve to be loved. I have broken up with someone before for this reason and through therapy realised self-sabotaguing behaviour was something I was doing in a variety of forms since a young age.
Ronni_W Posted May 7, 2010 Posted May 7, 2010 deliberately engineering a break up as some kind of test is just creepy and manipulative. I would steer well clear of a person who hatched a scheme like that. Creepy, manipulative, controlling, immature and not very well-thought out at all. For anyone who attempts it, should come as no surprise when it bites her/him in the ass. As NS suggests, there are far more effective ways to deal with one's fears and insecurities...but sometimes it is that we have to learn the hard way.
Ilovecake Posted May 7, 2010 Posted May 7, 2010 "Have any of you ever broken up with someone to test there love for you?" Testing somebody's love, why? Playing with osmeone's emotions like that is a sign of a very disturbed individual. Someone who definately is not mature enough to even be in a relationship. Oh and it's their not there.
Chochobong Posted May 7, 2010 Posted May 7, 2010 A test purposely put in place by someone in the relationship, NO. An unsaid test whether a couple is meant to be together and may reunite in the future, YES.
Author burningheart Posted May 7, 2010 Author Posted May 7, 2010 Break ups can also stem from self-sabotaging/self-destructive behaviour - particularly in severely insecure people who don't feel they deserve to be loved. I have broken up with someone before for this reason and through therapy realised self-sabotaguing behaviour was something I was doing in a variety of forms since a young age. Thankyou, I'm new here, and looking to find the time to write the whole story,..... But I do agree that it was done out of self destructive behavior....If this is the case then the NC rule does not apply.....?...... As from someone who has done this.... What did you want the out come to be?......How did you want the person to come back....? ....................My ex has stated to me in the past that he needs reasurrance?.....I should be crying and upset, I should be feeling something..... But I'm not, and mind you this was the love of my life, I never felt love like this before....and I'm divorced, I never loved my ex-husband as I love i loved him......But yet I feel nothing which to me is even weird...
deux ex machina Posted May 7, 2010 Posted May 7, 2010 If a man ever broke up with me to test my love for him, I would feel so manipulated. I don't think things could ever be the same after that.
Nikki Sahagin Posted May 14, 2010 Posted May 14, 2010 Thankyou, I'm new here, and looking to find the time to write the whole story,..... But I do agree that it was done out of self destructive behavior....If this is the case then the NC rule does not apply.....?...... As from someone who has done this.... What did you want the out come to be?......How did you want the person to come back....? ....................My ex has stated to me in the past that he needs reasurrance?.....I should be crying and upset, I should be feeling something..... But I'm not, and mind you this was the love of my life, I never felt love like this before....and I'm divorced, I never loved my ex-husband as I love i loved him......But yet I feel nothing which to me is even weird... Well for me personally, I had a lot of negative thoughts/opinions of men. I had experienced some bad experiences in the past and not dealt with them properly. With my ex...we had trust issues so the leaving him was to test he loved me enough to take my c*** and still want to be with me. What I was testing was: does he love me enough that I can behave this way? And he will still be with me? It was completely about reassurance and gauging how much someone cared. Because I was so in love and obsessed I wanted to see if he's feelings went as deep as mine did. Of course, it is incredibly selfish and cruel behaviour and it does a lot of damage, but yes my motivation was: do you care? Can I be a monster and you'll still love me? The irony is: he DID put up with all of this but once I improved because i'd learnt to put that behaviour aside, he left me.
Author burningheart Posted May 16, 2010 Author Posted May 16, 2010 Well for me personally, I had a lot of negative thoughts/opinions of men. I had experienced some bad experiences in the past and not dealt with them properly. With my ex...we had trust issues so the leaving him was to test he loved me enough to take my c*** and still want to be with me. What I was testing was: does he love me enough that I can behave this way? And he will still be with me? It was completely about reassurance and gauging how much someone cared. Because I was so in love and obsessed I wanted to see if he's feelings went as deep as mine did. Of course, it is incredibly selfish and cruel behaviour and it does a lot of damage, but yes my motivation was: do you care? Can I be a monster and you'll still love me? The irony is: he DID put up with all of this but once I improved because I'd learnt to put that behaviour aside, he left me. Thank you for every one that has replyed..... For the record this is not me, that would do such a thing but as for nikki's reply....."If i'm a monster will you stiil love me'.... touched home with me for some reason on account I think all of us often do things to test ones love for us... we all know how great it is to love... as well as how much it truely hurts to loose it. and we all have done crazy things for love..... haven't you? Thank you nikki for being honest,
LucreziaBorgia Posted May 16, 2010 Posted May 16, 2010 If someone breaks up with you as a test, then they are the ones who ultimately fail. No reason to be with someone like that.
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