confusedinca Posted January 23, 2004 Posted January 23, 2004 Does he want more than friendship? My boyfriend broke up with me three days before Christmas. We had been dating for two months, and had become extremely close. Needless to say, I was pretty devastated about this. During the breakup speech, he said that he considered me to be his best friend, and did not want to lose me, but just thought that we were not on the same page in the relationship. I decided to go the friendship route, and today I am doing okay with that. We had such fun times, that even though we were dating, I also considered him as my best friend, too. The strange thing now is that we spend more time than ever together. He calls me every night, calls me every Sunday morning to make plans for the day. Does more romantic things for me now that we are not dating. Today I talked to him, and asked him what he was doing tomorrow night. He said he had plans, but they were very tenative, and would probably be free. What's that all about? Either you have plans, or you don't. This is not the first time he has told me something like that. Each time he has told me that, he has ended up being free and spending time with me. The other day when I was getting out of his car, he started rubbing my back. Friends that just broke up, just don't do that in my opinion. I am open to getting back together with him, but I just don't know if I should continue on this path with him, or mention getting back together? What should I do? Thanks for any advice!
Marty_McFly Posted January 23, 2004 Posted January 23, 2004 What did he mean by "not on the same page in the relationship?" Did he explain that any further? And even if he did, it might be a good idea to casually ask him something along those lines again. If you're really best friends, and he really doesn't want to lose you, then what other chapter of this relationship book is he reading that you're not? Also, do you happen to know what these "tentative plans" are that he always has?
moimeme Posted January 23, 2004 Posted January 23, 2004 It sounds as though some of these fellows are happy to be in a relationship as long as it's not called a relationship.
Author confusedinca Posted January 23, 2004 Author Posted January 23, 2004 When he said we were not on the same page, I believe he meant that I wanted more than he could give, at the time. The tentative plans he mentions I am assuming are dates. When I probe for more information, he always says "you're so nosy!". However, when my cell phone rings, he always wants to know who it is. When I look at my watch, he always says "why do you keep looking at your watch? Do you have a hot date?" I just feel a ton of mixed signals. My first thought is that he is testing me. But, if we are going to be friends, let's just call it that. I'm open to any objective opinions or advice! Thanks!
sarah12 Posted January 23, 2004 Posted January 23, 2004 He said he had plans, but they were very tenative, and would probably be free. What's that all about? He wants to know if you are free before making solid plans. I don't know what is with this guy but I had a situation like this and we ended up getting back together, but broke up again later on. Sounds like this guy has some strong feelings for you but is afraid to try things again. Some people are afraid of failure again the second time around. If I were you, I'd be quite frustrated with the situation and just ask him straight out what the deal is. If you aren't over him though, this could make things difficult if he says no he is not interested. In that case, I would give it time apart from him for a while so that you won't be tied to this 'relationship/not a relationship' type of friendship.
Author confusedinca Posted January 24, 2004 Author Posted January 24, 2004 Well, the "tenative" plans turned into dinner with me. Once again we laughed and had a blast. The confusion remains. When I went over to his place to meet for dinner, he plopped himself right on the couch next to me. We were playful with each other and sarcastic, which is both our style. HELP!
jenny Posted January 24, 2004 Posted January 24, 2004 hmm. booty hunting; rejects classification. a fun species, as long as you have no plans of training and housebreaking. watch for sharpness of hidden protective and defensive features. i'm not feeling great about your hopefulness here. more power to you, but his unwillingness to proclaim a steadfast 'relationship identity' is NOT a good sign if you seek stability. i miss clia. she would tell you more clearly that this guy has no long terms for you. but let me soft-soap: this boy has no long term plans with you. all signs point to you as being the 'last-minute, default, because-other-girls-are-not available' easy plans. so, have fun. know this boy does not want you forever, and don't be hurt when it ends. again. develop other flirtations and prospects while you having fun.
girlydrummer Posted January 10, 2006 Posted January 10, 2006 Does he want more than friendship? My boyfriend broke up with me three days before Christmas. We had been dating for two months, and had become extremely close. Needless to say, I was pretty devastated about this. During the breakup speech, he said that he considered me to be his best friend, and did not want to lose me, but just thought that we were not on the same page in the relationship. I decided to go the friendship route, and today I am doing okay with that. We had such fun times, that even though we were dating, I also considered him as my best friend, too. The strange thing now is that we spend more time than ever together. He calls me every night, calls me every Sunday morning to make plans for the day. Does more romantic things for me now that we are not dating. Today I talked to him, and asked him what he was doing tomorrow night. He said he had plans, but they were very tenative, and would probably be free. What's that all about? Either you have plans, or you don't. This is not the first time he has told me something like that. Each time he has told me that, he has ended up being free and spending time with me. The other day when I was getting out of his car, he started rubbing my back. Friends that just broke up, just don't do that in my opinion. I am open to getting back together with him, but I just don't know if I should continue on this path with him, or mention getting back together? What should I do? Thanks for any advice! It's very clear. He wants all the advantages of a girlfriend-- last minute dates, fun times, someone to talk to and hang out with-- but he wants none of the commitment and responsibility that comes along with a relationship. Basically, he is using you until something better comes along. YOu are setting yourself up for hurt and disappointment when the new girl walks into his life and suddenly the calls die down and you are all alone because you've been spending all of your time with him rather than getting out and meeting new guys. Get a clue, please.
cygny Posted January 10, 2006 Posted January 10, 2006 best course of action: be unavailable, ie be dating other men. be friendly to him if you bump into him on the street, but don't be his friend. if he misses you enough, he will pursue. only take him back if he's willing to be in a relationship.
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