marsle85 Posted May 7, 2010 Posted May 7, 2010 So why does a guy have to make every decison for you like youre a child? If were both adults we both have a voice in the relationship no? Nothing attractive to me about having to constantly tell a women what shes gonna do.. Dude, I said "I like when men take the lead"- where did you get that I wanted you to make every decision for me? I would NOT do very well in a relationship that I didn't have a voice. Men taking the lead shows he is attentive, focused and interested. No, I wouldn't want a man to order for me, choose all of our dates or make major decisions. Yes, I want a man to call me, text me and initiate the primary dates and meetings. Yes, I want him to kiss me first, yes I want him to pull me towards him. Additionally, I want to make dessert, I want to suggest where we go for dinner. I want to be actively in a relationship, not stagnant and being dragged along. You clearly have some issues with pursuing... especially because the only thing I said was "mmm, I love when he takes charge".
NeoGen85 Posted May 7, 2010 Posted May 7, 2010 then if that is what you mean by taking the lead, yes, I like the man to take the lead, somehow I feel that if I must do the asking my value is diminished, and I am sure there will be disagreement about that. But yes I like the guy to run the show in the beginning, with my subtle input of course regarding likes/dislikes, etc. So is that what I'm dealing with in regards to my own girlfriend? She doesn't like to be told what to do especially since she's growing more independent. But when it comes to spending time together I always have initiate the question; "are you free on Friday"? She'll give me subtle hints about what she might want to do, but lately she has me planning everything with no objections really. It's even worked against me. If I don't say anything for the entire week(hoping that she might take the initiative) we wont see or hear from each other. And normally her response is, "I haven't heard from you in awhile" or a random text asking me what I'm doing. And my girlfriend is a type of person that isn't clingy, and because of her family experiences(and never really having a boyfriend either) physically and emotionally displaying affection is hard for her unless I take the lead. But I'm using the 50/50 thing simply because that's how my parents are.
Romance Posted May 7, 2010 Posted May 7, 2010 Yeah, I will never chase a guy. He has to be the one taking the lead, call me old fashioned but it's what i like.
PJKino Posted May 7, 2010 Posted May 7, 2010 Dude, I said "I like when men take the lead"- where did you get that I wanted you to make every decision for me? I would NOT do very well in a relationship that I didn't have a voice. Men taking the lead shows he is attentive, focused and interested. No, I wouldn't want a man to order for me, choose all of our dates or make major decisions. Yes, I want a man to call me, text me and initiate the primary dates and meetings. Yes, I want him to kiss me first, yes I want him to pull me towards him. Additionally, I want to make dessert, I want to suggest where we go for dinner. I want to be actively in a relationship, not stagnant and being dragged along. You clearly have some issues with pursuing... especially because the only thing I said was "mmm, I love when he takes charge". Well yeah i have issues pursuing but its not really an issue i just dont puruse..Women arent attracted to me so i dont waste their time by approaching.. My only point is why does a Man have to do all the leg work first?Where supposed to go in blind pray that you like us while you can sit back and see how much he cares? Very convenient for you so i can see why you like it
electricity Posted May 7, 2010 Posted May 7, 2010 Well yeah i have issues pursuing but its not really an issue i just dont puruse..Women arent attracted to me so i dont waste their time by approaching.. My only point is why does a Man have to do all the leg work first?Where supposed to go in blind pray that you like us while you can sit back and see how much he cares? Very convenient for you so i can see why you like it Traditionally, that's just the way it worked. But even then, when it was understood that men did the asking out, women had to give the green light first. When women are interested in a guy, they'll be giving all sorts of "ask me out!!!" signals, hoping that he picks up on just one of them. Eye contact, smiling, flirting, touching him on the arm... everything short of asking him out. Of course, in today's society, women can ask out men they're interested in as well. You can wait around for one of those women to come around if you'd like. I still prefer if the men take initiative; it shows me he's confident and not afraid to take risks. I'll do my fair part in showing him I'm interested though, so he doesn't feel like he's going in blind. I'll even drop hints of restaurants I like, evenings I'm free, etc.
espec10001 Posted May 7, 2010 Posted May 7, 2010 Women can make or break a man. Men want to show women they are strong, this isn't a bad thing. If you feel more confident and better about yourself when you are around this woman, then that's a good sign!
janie423 Posted May 7, 2010 Posted May 7, 2010 So is that what I'm dealing with in regards to my own girlfriend? She doesn't like to be told what to do especially since she's growing more independent. But when it comes to spending time together I always have initiate the question; "are you free on Friday"? She'll give me subtle hints about what she might want to do, but lately she has me planning everything with no objections really. It's even worked against me. If I don't say anything for the entire week(hoping that she might take the initiative) we wont see or hear from each other. And normally her response is, "I haven't heard from you in awhile" or a random text asking me what I'm doing. And my girlfriend is a type of person that isn't clingy, and because of her family experiences(and never really having a boyfriend either) physically and emotionally displaying affection is hard for her unless I take the lead. But I'm using the 50/50 thing simply because that's how my parents are. So there is a disconnect between what she expects and what you are accustomed to via your parents. Evidently she wants to see you because she texts you to prompt you to call. But she expects you to do the asking. I never looked at it that way, and I see what you mean. This puts the burden on the male all the time. I would think though that after a while, as the relationship progresses, the 50/50 scenario would emerge. But at what point does that happen? It's a judgement call at best.
marsle85 Posted May 7, 2010 Posted May 7, 2010 Well yeah i have issues pursuing but its not really an issue i just dont puruse..Women arent attracted to me so i dont waste their time by approaching.. My only point is why does a Man have to do all the leg work first?Where supposed to go in blind pray that you like us while you can sit back and see how much he cares? Very convenient for you so i can see why you like it I know it's not fair, or always fun for men- but what do you want me to say? A lot of men enjoy it and women too. It's functional, and helps to operate relationships. You forget it goes both ways: a man actively pursues a woman: It's cute, and even if the woman isn't interested, it's not creepy as much as it is: "Aww too bad, we're not right for eachother" He's romantic and assertive. a woman actively pursues a man: Woah. She must be desperate, lonely and overeager. Not to mention, yes men have to make the calls, make the dates, and jump feet forward. But women have to wait. Wait. Wait. Sit and wait for his call, wonder why he hasn't called, texted in four days. THEN- when nothing happens, a woman can't DO ANYTHING about it. Either way, society is pushing you to be hyperaggressive, or too submissive. They both have their pros/cons.
NeoGen85 Posted May 7, 2010 Posted May 7, 2010 So there is a disconnect between what she expects and what you are accustomed to via your parents. Evidently she wants to see you because she texts you to prompt you to call. But she expects you to do the asking. I never looked at it that way, and I see what you mean. This puts the burden on the male all the time. I would think though that after a while, as the relationship progresses, the 50/50 scenario would emerge. But at what point does that happen? It's a judgement call at best. What makes it worst is that we're approaching 8 months, and I'm beginning to have deeper feelings for her. But I get so frustrated; if I don't take the initiative to "schedule" time with her forget I was even thinking about it. I just find it being considerate.
Rhythmic Posted May 7, 2010 Posted May 7, 2010 a man actively pursues a woman: It's cute, and even if the woman isn't interested, it's not creepy as much as it is: "Aww too bad, we're not right for eachother" He's romantic and assertive. Never once heard of this ever. Anytime a guy a woman isn't interested in starts trying to pursue her I always hear how she thinks he is creepy and hates it.
marsle85 Posted May 7, 2010 Posted May 7, 2010 Never once heard of this ever. Anytime a guy a woman isn't interested in starts trying to pursue her I always hear how she thinks he is creepy and hates it. Right, beyond a certain point. No person in their right mind would ever be offended by someone's interest. If she explains he's not interested and THEN he continues... yeah, creepy.
electricity Posted May 7, 2010 Posted May 7, 2010 Never once heard of this ever. Anytime a guy a woman isn't interested in starts trying to pursue her I always hear how she thinks he is creepy and hates it. If he does it in a persistent and creepy way, then yes. But if he maintains an appropriate distance and takes the hint and backs off when she declines his advances, then no one will say he's creepy.
janie423 Posted May 7, 2010 Posted May 7, 2010 What makes it worst is that we're approaching 8 months, and I'm beginning to have deeper feelings for her. But I get so frustrated; if I don't take the initiative to "schedule" time with her forget I was even thinking about it. I just find it being considerate. Yeah, I would think that by 8 months there would be mutual initiation. I don't understand why you would have to initiate all the time. Have you discussed this issue with her? I wonder if she realizes what is going on in your mind? And how does one approach these sensitive issues?
janie423 Posted May 7, 2010 Posted May 7, 2010 Never once heard of this ever. Anytime a guy a woman isn't interested in starts trying to pursue her I always hear how she thinks he is creepy and hates it. I have to disagree. I don't think a man who pursues me is creepy at all. Whoever thinks that about an honest effort by a man is perhaps mean-spirited.
Rhythmic Posted May 7, 2010 Posted May 7, 2010 Right, beyond a certain point. No person in their right mind would ever be offended by someone's interest. If she explains he's not interested and THEN he continues... yeah, creepy. If he does it in a persistent and creepy way, then yes. But if he maintains an appropriate distance and takes the hint and backs off when she declines his advances, then no one will say he's creepy. I am not talking about when a guy is being persistent and not taking the hint.
Rhythmic Posted May 7, 2010 Posted May 7, 2010 I have to disagree. I don't think a man who pursues me is creepy at all. Whoever thinks that about an honest effort by a man is perhaps mean-spirited. A lot of women are mean spirited.
marsle85 Posted May 7, 2010 Posted May 7, 2010 A lot of women are mean spirited. Mmm... speculation is nice.
AD1980 Posted May 7, 2010 Posted May 7, 2010 Which is why women have no right to complain that they cant find the right guy or guys they like wont approach them. If you dont put yourself out there youll have to deal with only the Men who choose to approach you
AD1980 Posted May 7, 2010 Posted May 7, 2010 Mmm... speculation is nice. Take it from guys who approach women im assuming you dont so you wouldnt know Allot of women dont reject guys well in fact they act like khe guy was out of his mind for even indaving their airspace
janie423 Posted May 7, 2010 Posted May 7, 2010 Which is why women have no right to complain that they cant find the right guy or guys they like wont approach them. If you dont put yourself out there youll have to deal with only the Men who choose to approach you This is a good point and is the downside of being pursued. I would rather be in the position of pursuer than the one being pursued. However, I live in the real world. The only thing a woman can do is give off hints and suggestive behavior to a guy she likes.
Rhythmic Posted May 7, 2010 Posted May 7, 2010 Mmm... speculation is nice. Not speculation. Empirical evidence.
AD1980 Posted May 7, 2010 Posted May 7, 2010 This is a good point and is the downside of being pursued. I would rather be in the position of pursuer than the one being pursued. However, I live in the real world. The only thing a woman can do is give off hints and suggestive behavior to a guy she likes. I dont see why you cant just tell a guy you like him people fall to social pressure and expectations way too much If a girl showed heavy interest in me id be so damn happy and grateful
phineas Posted May 7, 2010 Posted May 7, 2010 This is a good point and is the downside of being pursued. I would rather be in the position of pursuer than the one being pursued. However, I live in the real world. The only thing a woman can do is give off hints and suggestive behavior to a guy she likes. There is a fine line between suggestive behavior & attention whoreing & most men can't tell the difference. I realize from these boards that attention whoreing is an alien concept to woman who don't do it, but it happens & it happens alot. Because of attention whores I will only call a woman once after getting her number & if she doesn't return that call I forget about her. As far as i'm concerned, you've been pursued. On a side note, My STBXW asked me out. I've also had numerous women ask me out while I was seperated. I didn't consider any of them desperate or anything like that.
Mr White Posted May 7, 2010 Posted May 7, 2010 The more sweet, old-school, shy the girl - the more likely and more fun it is for me to initiate everything. I have a romantic date idea? No problem - as long as she just smiles in agreement and goes along with whatever. The more "fierce" she is, the less I'll initiate. She doesn't like my date idea? Fine, no problem - all you have to do is take me someplace (and pay). The point being that participation in traditional gender roles is fun and justified only when it's reciprocated, it's a simple math. The only "rule" is that you can't have it both ways.
janie423 Posted May 7, 2010 Posted May 7, 2010 The more sweet, old-school, shy the girl - the more likely and more fun it is for me to initiate everything. I have a romantic date idea? No problem - as long as she just smiles in agreement and goes along with whatever. The more "fierce" she is, the less I'll initiate. She doesn't like my date idea? Fine, no problem - all you have to do is take me someplace (and pay). The point being that participation in traditional gender roles is fun and justified only when it's reciprocated, it's a simple math. The only "rule" is that you can't have it both ways. This response is reactionary. If a man has been paying attention to a woman's tastes and preferences, he will not suggest a place that would be undesirable for her. If she does not like your date idea, then you have not paid attention to her preferences leading up to the date. If a man has a date idea that I find objectionable, and I suggest another idea and he asks me to pay, he will not get a second date for two reasons: he is inflexible, and he is not paying attention.
Recommended Posts