CARL45 Posted May 6, 2010 Posted May 6, 2010 I just had a successful first date with a woman and found it weird. Not bad weird but because I had to take the lead. It really forces me to have to stand up for myself and not second guess myself. It's an odd and wonderful feeling I find hard to describe. Has anyone else had the same experience?
janie423 Posted May 6, 2010 Posted May 6, 2010 What did you do that was different than the dates where you did not take the lead? What actions did you take?
melodymatters Posted May 6, 2010 Posted May 6, 2010 I absolutely will not chase men, I need to have a strong sense that they are into me. I think this is why I don't usually encounter many of the problems I see on here: a man who feels/acts lukewarm towards me instantly becomes a non prospect datewise. Having said that though, I recently realized that I ALWAYS initiate the first kiss ! I know they like me and ( obviously) I know I like them, and they are usually nervous and trying to be polite, so I rather enjoy taking charge of that initial *sparky* encounter !
homersheineken Posted May 6, 2010 Posted May 6, 2010 I absolutely will not chase men, I need to have a strong sense that they are into me. I think this is why I don't usually encounter many of the problems I see on here: a man who feels/acts lukewarm towards me instantly becomes a non prospect datewise. Having said that though, I recently realized that I ALWAYS initiate the first kiss ! I know they like me and ( obviously) I know I like them, and they are usually nervous and trying to be polite, so I rather enjoy taking charge of that initial *sparky* encounter ! Yeah that's a confusing post
marsle85 Posted May 6, 2010 Posted May 6, 2010 Men always have to take the lead! Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm! And I love every minute of it!
PJKino Posted May 6, 2010 Posted May 6, 2010 Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm! And I love every minute of it! [/b] Never understood how women get off on Men making a decison..Is it because women cant make ones without waffling for hours and you admire traits you dont posses or is it a being submissive thing?
Author CARL45 Posted May 6, 2010 Author Posted May 6, 2010 I haven't ever really dated a woman, so I haven't had much experience with taking the lead in the relationships. A friend of mind a married guy that I work with said I am doing fine and that this woman really want a man to take the initiate on a lot everything. I have never been in that kind position where I had do that with a woman. Normally, most of the women I know are either married or in relationships and this woman has never really been in a relationship. Basically instead of asking her what she wants to do on a date I simply have to tell her what were going to do and she either accepts this or doesn't. I just have to get use to it. That's the point of my post a man has to initiate a lot many things in a relationship with a woman.
PJKino Posted May 6, 2010 Posted May 6, 2010 I dont undertsand telling a girl what to do and where to go is she incapable of thought? Im here to be her partner not father..
Author CARL45 Posted May 6, 2010 Author Posted May 6, 2010 I think what I am trying to get at is a woman on a date is trying to test you. She is trying to see if your confident or not. Even if she's a nice woman with no baggage she wants a man that will be willing to stand up for himself. I'm not trying to say this woman is dumb I'm just trying to tell you what I have seen with many women.
janie423 Posted May 6, 2010 Posted May 6, 2010 Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm! And I love every minute of it! [/b] first few dates, yes, after that it gets annoying, I don't need a dad . . .
electricity Posted May 6, 2010 Posted May 6, 2010 I just had a successful first date with a woman and found it weird. Not bad weird but because I had to take the lead. It really forces me to have to stand up for myself and not second guess myself. It's an odd and wonderful feeling I find hard to describe. Has anyone else had the same experience? I think that's the answer right there. Men enjoying taking the lead, so women let them.
Engadget Posted May 6, 2010 Posted May 6, 2010 Yeah frankly it should change now in these days. I've had a few women pursue me, but not as often as I'm expected to chase them. A lot of women won't actually call/text in the beginning unless the man does it first, which is silly. If you're interested, just call HIM, don't sit around and wait.
sally4sara Posted May 6, 2010 Posted May 6, 2010 I've hear guy friends complain enough about getting no input from women to know that men don't always relish having to take the lead. Carl, you said this is new to you. Is it possible you like it because it is new? And you're now thinking men should always do this because you're currently enjoying the novelty rather than it being something men should always do or something women will always like men to do? Cuz if I agreed to a date and ended up hating what he planned, I'd be damned if I'm just going to accept it and go along. And the attitude that I should, would just wind up with him rejected without even a first date.
SomewhatExperienced Posted May 6, 2010 Posted May 6, 2010 I've accepted the fact that we men do have to take the lead. But, it makes things go a lot easier when the woman, if she likes me, continues to give me subtle signals that she does like me and that it's okay to take the next risk (holding hands, first kiss, etc...). Some girls will show no interest at all, regardless of whether they like you or not. This leaves you in the awkward position of wondering if you should go for it, because you could either hit the jackpot or really make them uncomfortable.
Engadget Posted May 6, 2010 Posted May 6, 2010 I've accepted the fact that we men do have to take the lead. But, it makes things go a lot easier when the woman, if she likes me, continues to give me subtle signals that she does like me and that it's okay to take the next risk (holding hands, first kiss, etc...). Some girls will show no interest at all, regardless of whether they like you or not. This leaves you in the awkward position of wondering if you should go for it, because you could either hit the jackpot or really make them uncomfortable. Yes you're exactly right. Get a girl's number, you're expected to call her and then you have to call not knowing if she actually wants to hear from you. She may have the night you got her number, but she could feel totally different after that.
janie423 Posted May 6, 2010 Posted May 6, 2010 I think what I am trying to get at is a woman on a date is trying to test you. She is trying to see if your confident or not. Even if she's a nice woman with no baggage she wants a man that will be willing to stand up for himself. I'm not trying to say this woman is dumb I'm just trying to tell you what I have seen with many women. You are generalizing. Perhaps you found out that you like to take the lead. Great. Many women prefer a man who takes the lead. Also great. But some men prefer women to lead, or at least have it 50-50. And some women prefer that. I have to agree with Sally on this one - these broad generalizations are simply innaccurate.
electricity Posted May 6, 2010 Posted May 6, 2010 I'm getting a little confused what ppl are defining as "taking the lead" now. I like it when a guy takes the risk of asking me out, but I'll be giving signals the whole way. For instance, if I want a guy to ask me out, I'll drop hints about a new restaurant I want to try or a new movie I'm interested in seeing or something along those lines. And once we're in a relationship, I think everything's fair game; he'll plan some dates, I'll plan others.
Mr White Posted May 6, 2010 Posted May 6, 2010 I absolutely will not chase men, I need to have a strong sense that they are into me. I think this is why I don't usually encounter many of the problems I see on here: a man who feels/acts lukewarm towards me instantly becomes a non prospect datewise. ! Yeah well, the same thing is valid from men's perspective. I'm not going to get all "into" a woman if I don't see any indication of reciprocal interest Men should take the lead, but in very small and reserved steps, and abort in the absence of proportional "retaliation" ()
marsle85 Posted May 6, 2010 Posted May 6, 2010 Never understood how women get off on Men making a decison..Is it because women cant make ones without waffling for hours and you admire traits you dont posses or is it a being submissive thing? Wow, that was unnecessary. I don't want you to be my dad, and I certainly wouldn't want someone with that kind of attitude to be my SO.
PJKino Posted May 6, 2010 Posted May 6, 2010 Wow, that was unnecessary. I don't want you to be my dad, and I certainly wouldn't want someone with that kind of attitude to be my SO. So why does a guy have to make every decison for you like youre a child? If were both adults we both have a voice in the relationship no? Nothing attractive to me about having to constantly tell a women what shes gonna do..
ADF Posted May 6, 2010 Posted May 6, 2010 Take the lead in what sense? The way you describe dating, it almost sounds like a competative sport.
janie423 Posted May 7, 2010 Posted May 7, 2010 I absolutely will not chase men, I need to have a strong sense that they are into me. I think this is why I don't usually encounter many of the problems I see on here: a man who feels/acts lukewarm towards me instantly becomes a non prospect datewise. But the problem here is, a man can chase a woman and still not be into them. It's a game for some of these guys, so that is not the total indicator that he is into a woman. Some guys will lose interest after they succeed. How I wish it were that simple!
Engadget Posted May 7, 2010 Posted May 7, 2010 Take the lead in what sense? The way you describe dating, it almost sounds like a competative sport. Mating is a game for most, like it or not.
electricity Posted May 7, 2010 Posted May 7, 2010 So why does a guy have to make every decison for you like youre a child? If were both adults we both have a voice in the relationship no? Nothing attractive to me about having to constantly tell a women what shes gonna do.. I don't think any woman wants a man to make all her decisions for her. There's a difference between taking the lead/initiative and making all the decisions. For instance, there's a difference between a guy asking me to dinner and a guy ordering dinner for me - I like it if he takes the lead in asking me out on a date, but he shouldn't be deciding what I eat on the date.
janie423 Posted May 7, 2010 Posted May 7, 2010 I don't think any woman wants a man to make all her decisions for her. There's a difference between taking the lead/initiative and making all the decisions. For instance, there's a difference between a guy asking me to dinner and a guy ordering dinner for me - I like it if he takes the lead in asking me out on a date, but he shouldn't be deciding what I eat on the date. then if that is what you mean by taking the lead, yes, I like the man to take the lead, somehow I feel that if I must do the asking my value is diminished, and I am sure there will be disagreement about that. But yes I like the guy to run the show in the beginning, with my subtle input of course regarding likes/dislikes, etc.
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