weeble78 Posted May 6, 2010 Posted May 6, 2010 It's my birthday tomorrow and my boyfriend said he wanted to stay over tonight so he could wake up with me in the morning. Later on this evening he started saying how much washing he had to do and that he'd make it but be really really late and it might be too late for me. He called an hour ago to say he couldn't make it. Asked whwat I was doing, and I said watching tv. It's the election tonight and he wanted to watch it on tv. I'm guessing he wanted to watch it with his friends. Also we're supposed to be going away tomorrow - he offered one of his friends a life (I drive everywhere) and just assumed I'd be driving everybody. I'm really upset. He sent me a text an hour ago to say have a great night. I usually reply immediately but haven't, so he knows I'm upset. He sounded awkward on the phone like he knew he was trying to get out of something. He's bailed on me before. How do I handle this in an assertive way? I'm gutted he's let me down for tomorrow morning - I was excited to be waking up with him and wanted us to have a lie in together. I'd value any advice/opinions. And if anyone thinks I'm being a cranky old cowbag that's fine too. Thanks
TaraMaiden Posted May 6, 2010 Posted May 6, 2010 Clichéd as it sounds, "We teach people how to treat us". He's pushing his luck because he believes you'll let him get away with it. I'd give him the cold shoulder tomorrow, and thank him for taking the time in his busy schedule to fit you in for a short while, is he sure he can spare the time, or do his underpants need ironing? When he gets all defensive tell him that we had better get something established now: You will NOT settle for being taken for granted. if he commits to doing something with you, then if something comes up it had better be important and deserve a priority slot, because laundry doesn't cover it. And if he takes it upon himself to offer other people lifts, when you do the driving, he'd better get something towards the fuel, because you don't intend to become the local friendly free taxi service for all and sundry. Especially with no warning. Now. Where's my present? (if you want to do this, that is..... )
Bejita463 Posted May 6, 2010 Posted May 6, 2010 Clichéd as it sounds, "We teach people how to treat us". He's pushing his luck because he believes you'll let him get away with it. I'd give him the cold shoulder tomorrow, and thank him for taking the time in his busy schedule to fit you in for a short while, is he sure he can spare the time, or do his underpants need ironing? When he gets all defensive tell him that we had better get something established now: You will NOT settle for being taken for granted. if he commits to doing something with you, then if something comes up it had better be important and deserve a priority slot, because laundry doesn't cover it. And if he takes it upon himself to offer other people lifts, when you do the driving, he'd better get something towards the fuel, because you don't intend to become the local friendly free taxi service for all and sundry. Especially with no warning. Now. Where's my present? (if you want to do this, that is..... ) I like it.
Author weeble78 Posted May 6, 2010 Author Posted May 6, 2010 Thanks TaraMaiden, I agree that we teach others how to treat us, and I'm very aware that I need to be assertive but am not very good at doing it. I just replied to his text and said it was a shame he changed his mind about coming over and that I am surprised he offered out my driving (on my birthday!) and just assumed I'd drive. I'm going to bed shortly and won't be answering my phone, I said I'd call him tomorrow. I'm sick of being treated like an idiot - I just need to figure out why boyfriends think I am one.
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