Was it a good date?

[Austen]

Met a guy online, emailed and talked on the phone quite a bit for almost two weeks. He initiated almost all of the contact and then asked me to get together with him. We live about half an hour apart, I work overnights, and he works very long days outside. Our schedules are both crazy, but we made it happen!

We had our date Tuesday night. We met at a pub/grill, had dinner, drinks and talked for three hours. We had great conversation and really seem to be on the same wavelength.

He didn't ask me to, but I paid for half the bill. He walked me out to my car even though it was parked on the opposite side of the building from his. He gave me a long, really tight hug but no kiss. He said more than once how great it was to finally meet me and that he looked forward to getting together again sometime (a vague statement).

The only contact we've had since the date was yesterday. It was extremely windy here, so I thought it'd be funny to text him and ask him if he'd blown into the next county yet. He texted back "Still tethered!" I haven't heard anything else from him, and we've both been back on the dating website in the past two days.

So, I know the date was only a couple nights ago, but I'm just getting back into the dating game. How long do I give this guy to contact me before I write him off? Was it a good date, or does it sound like he's probably not interested in pursuing me? I will definitely not contact him again and will wait to hear from him. But the waiting game sucks!

[carhill]

Next time let him (whoever 'him' is) pay the bill.

 

Good date, IMO, from your recounting of it. Once a week would be my norm for dating, though I would make contact in the interim. The ladies I've dated over the past couple months I usually talked to a couple times a week, generally on the phone.

 

If he was interested, he'd show interest, IMO. The main reason I stopped dating particular ladies was because I didn't perceive adequate interest from them in response to mine. I generally would ask about a specific date time and place prior to ending a date or in a subsequent phone call.

 

Everyone is different physically. I'm a huggy guy so that goes without saying, but I don't get into more physical intimacy, especially with sexual overtones, until after a few positive dates. YMMV.

 

I'd continue to accept the approaches of men who are of interest to you and not dwell on this one potential. If he contacts you again and you feel like going out with him, then OK. No harm in declining. Life goes on.

[Austen]

Thanks, Carhill. I am interested in him, but I don't want to come on too strong. I wondered about whether I should have paid towards the bill, but I'm pretty independent and it seemed like the right thing to do at the time--I hope that wasn't a turn-off for him. I just didn't want him to think I was there for a free meal.

Of the guys I've been interested in lately, he is one I'm really excited about. We seem to have so much in common, and he's been extremely thoughtful. It was refreshing to be on a date with a gentleman (ie, someone who wasn't looking for a piece). But he also seems like the kind of guy who's too polite to come right out and say he's not interested, so I'm having a hard time reading him.

[carhill]

My only advice, and I'm a relative newbie after having been married nearly a decade, is to be sincere in and focus on *your* actions, rather than attempting to 'read' his. What I do is share my natural self and, if there is synergy, a satisfying flow ensues, where we each wish to continue to perpetuate that flow. I (and others, I'm sure) call it a 'connection'. When it works, and the person is compatible, IMO, these questions will not arise. You each put yourselves out there, and are accepted. No reading required

 

Anyway, hopefully you'll get some other perspectives. Like I said, I'm a newbie...

[Austen]

Yup, he's not interested. Men sure are good actors sometimes. Crap like this almost makes me want to stay single. It'd be a lot less humiliating...