sveltskye Posted May 6, 2010 Posted May 6, 2010 Long post to follow. Thanks in advance if you get through it. I just feel like I need to explain myself thoroughly. I'm at this weird point in my life right now. I feel like I'm on the outside looking in on life. I'm 25, but I am not really on the way to making any of the accomplishments that I'd like to have made by my mid twenties/early thirties. I feel like I am proud of myself and my personality and the way I treat people, but I don't feel like I really have my own life or something. I have tons of friends and family that love me, but I feel like somehow they all have things going for them and I don't have much to be proud of. Let me explain my recent events: I recently quit my job and moved back in with my parents. This was not of my own choosing; I had a great job and lots of friends in my old town, but unfortunately I made the decision to move based on the fact that I had a so called "friend" start acting threatening to me and I was worried about my safety. So I moved in with my parents and ended up broke and unemployed for four months, chewing through all of my savings. Things began to look up a little, though. I found a job though I *still* haven't gotten paid and don't start full time til the summer. Also, I feel like I'm in this giant limbo where I don't know what to look forward to cause I applied to grad school and am still waiting to find out whether I got in. Its taking so long I'm starting to assume that I didn't. But if I did that will cause me to move again. I have a few friends down here but I'm lonely and bored and I miss my community back in my old hometown. My love life is basically nonexistant, and its not because I haven't tried. I am forever being rejected (I've literally rejected one guy, and that was when it was painfully obvious he was using me). I have a good self esteem and I bring a lot to the table. I don't cling on or get melodramatic, but I do get really dissapointed by guys cause it feels like one dissapointment after another. I feel like I am never the girl that is persued, even when it seems like they like me and think I'm fun and attractive it doesn't seem to be enough. I get excited and then its yanked away from me. I'm in no rush to be in a relationship, but I really want my own family in the near future and I wish I could feel like I'm on that path somehow. Plus I wish sometimes that I'd have something exciting to report about my love life when I see my friends getting in and out of relationships. Its gotten to the point where I look at people around me, really good friends and feel like I am so happy for them, but at the same time jealous because I want certain things that they have. Like for example I have a friend who is always the girl that guys go crazy over and want them to be their girlfriend, she literally goes from one guy to the next. I don't really get how she manages that, and I wouldn't want to be constantly recycling guys, I just wish that I could get one interested for a while. I've been on this dating rollercoaster ride for two years. I feel like I shouldn't feel too bad about things. A lot of people have things a lot worse off than me. I don't really know how much of things is my circumstances making me feel this way, and if I should just chin up and look on the bright side of things. I feel like nobody really wants to put up with a whiner and maybe I should just put on a happy face and "get over it". And then I wonder if I'm just being melancholy and if I'd be happy with anything. Am I justified in being unsatisfied with where I am in life? Where's the balance between having dreams and settling to be happy with what you have? I know I have a lot of great things in my life, but it doesn't mean that I don't want more. I've been listening to a lot of wistful music lately, LOL.
pureinheart Posted May 10, 2010 Posted May 10, 2010 Hey, hang in there...it sounds like your at a crossroads, and my thoughts and prayers are with you. I can tell you that your friends that goes through the guys like water...and trust me they are attracted to her for mostlikely one reason...how many of them want to get serious with her...if most of them do then she is a committment phobic. If not then they are after her because they are gonna score...so her deal either way isn't as "glamorous" as it looks.
zetkin Posted May 10, 2010 Posted May 10, 2010 I am in pretty similar position, the framework is different of course – but what I feel is just the same. I often feel sad and depressed even though I do not even allow myself to listen to wistful music))) I think (at least I hope so) that this is just the period of life. But it may happen of course that this period might get longer than thought((( When every day is just the same as previous and nothing exciting happens – it’s normal that you start thinking too much about your life and it seems too routine. So in a situation like this you definitely need a change. It’s good you decided to apply for grad school. I actually did the same. I thought - since I can’t see anything on the horizon that might lead the change I have to create this something myself))) I’m still not sure if this will make me happier but at least I will have a lot of stuff to take care of, and less time for my pathetic thoughts…
Author sveltskye Posted May 11, 2010 Author Posted May 11, 2010 Thank you both for for your replies. They were very kind. I talked to my friend today and I actually feel less jealous and more bad for her. She is a bit commitment phobic (she even admits it) but I can tell she wants to commit to someone. The thing is that guys just end up liking her sooo much and then get weird and clingy or just kind of crazy- like telling her they love her super fast and stuff. Me on the other hand, I seem to have the opposite problem. The last guy I was dating for a few dates and I was seriously *so* casual with him and he still told me he didn't want to date me anymore. The reason? We would "get serious" if we continued. Um.... isnt that the point? But again, I was super casual and cool with him, he even said I was cool himself. Whatever. I am just not super optimistic about starting anything with anybody, not cause I don't want to but cause I don't think it'll work out anyways. I konw my life will improve and get better one way or another. I just feel like I have no outlet for friends or fun here, living at my parents house.
Peaceful Guy Posted May 11, 2010 Posted May 11, 2010 I just feel like I have no outlet for friends or fun here, living at my parents house. ug.. i can relate to that one. not now, but a number of times in my adult life, for different reasons.. ive lived back with the rents(). its tough! also, im sorry about your friend that made you feel like you needed to move, that HAD to have sucked!!! zetkin, sveltskye.. i feel for you guys. i personally find it reassuring that there are people on the internet talking about feeling this or that.. because to me that gives me hope.. i mean, without a doubt there are people out there that can relate to your situation and would be very happy to meet you in real life. i think the important thing (for me.. sometimes) is to keep enough hope that i don't shut down and keep taking care of myself and being happy and getting out there so that i can meet new people and have new relationships.. but its tough.. anyway..:)
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