elits0 Posted May 6, 2010 Posted May 6, 2010 Just hit my 1 month of NC today.. We were in NC before but I talked to her for a little while before I left.. otherwise I'd be at 3 months =(. Lately I've been pretty good with how I feel, but especially yesterday and today I don't feel so hot. I think partly because I've been working one of my friends through his breakup and trying to tell him everything will be alright. What usually gets me through my day is just saying to myself "She doesn't want you and she is happier now". After I say that to myself my head is clear and I can move on perfectly fine. But today I find myself wanting her to try and talk to me... even though I'm also terrified of seeing her. I even went as far as looking at her FB page. We aren't friends so all I could see was her profile pic (pathetic), but one of her quotes was "keep the fight clean, but the sex dirty." After reading that it was impossible to stop myself from thinking of her and her new bf (if they are even back together.. I assume they are to push myself away). I'm sure you all know how intimate sex is between couples which makes it so hard... It's pretty easy to tell how jumbled everything is inside of me right now because my sentences are all over the place. I just hope she really is happier with her life right now and that she doesn't contact me.. If she does I really don't know what I'll do.. It's a constant battle between my brain and my heart haha. My birthday is at the end of the month so we'll see if she decides to message me. Either way I'm ignoring it. Although I was toying with the idea of replying "Thanks for the bday wishes, hope you're happy with your decision and your new life. Please don't message me again. I don't belong in your life and to be honest there is no room in mine for you." Don't want to come across as an ******* though.
northstar1 Posted May 6, 2010 Posted May 6, 2010 Just hit my 1 month of NC today.. We were in NC before but I talked to her for a little while before I left.. otherwise I'd be at 3 months =(. Lately I've been pretty good with how I feel, but especially yesterday and today I don't feel so hot. I think partly because I've been working one of my friends through his breakup and trying to tell him everything will be alright. What usually gets me through my day is just saying to myself "She doesn't want you and she is happier now". After I say that to myself my head is clear and I can move on perfectly fine. But today I find myself wanting her to try and talk to me... even though I'm also terrified of seeing her. I even went as far as looking at her FB page. We aren't friends so all I could see was her profile pic (pathetic), but one of her quotes was "keep the fight clean, but the sex dirty." After reading that it was impossible to stop myself from thinking of her and her new bf (if they are even back together.. I assume they are to push myself away). I'm sure you all know how intimate sex is between couples which makes it so hard... It's pretty easy to tell how jumbled everything is inside of me right now because my sentences are all over the place. I just hope she really is happier with her life right now and that she doesn't contact me.. If she does I really don't know what I'll do.. It's a constant battle between my brain and my heart haha. My birthday is at the end of the month so we'll see if she decides to message me. Either way I'm ignoring it. Although I was toying with the idea of replying "Thanks for the bday wishes, hope you're happy with your decision and your new life. Please don't message me again. I don't belong in your life and to be honest there is no room in mine for you." Don't want to come across as an ******* though. I feel your pain. I do. 3 weeks post breakup for me. NC except for meeting to give back stuff. I am up and down. Some days I feel that it happened for a reason, we had differences and it wouldn't have worked as such. Others I feel it was a big mistake, it was fixable and i wish I could do something about it. As for the FB. I just dont' look at it all right now. Saves me any possible pain.
Author elits0 Posted May 6, 2010 Author Posted May 6, 2010 she is blocked on facebook and I deleted all her friends to get rid of any possible chance of seeing a picture of her having fun or of her with her new bf. unfortunately people are easily unblocked.. -_- it's weird that despite our problems I still really care for her and that it took her leaving me for me to finally realize how i feel. I have sent letters telling her my feelings and all that so if anyone has to make first contact it's her. Until then it's one day at a time.
northstar1 Posted May 6, 2010 Posted May 6, 2010 she is blocked on facebook and I deleted all her friends to get rid of any possible chance of seeing a picture of her having fun or of her with her new bf. unfortunately people are easily unblocked.. -_- it's weird that despite our problems I still really care for her and that it took her leaving me for me to finally realize how i feel. I have sent letters telling her my feelings and all that so if anyone has to make first contact it's her. Until then it's one day at a time. Yeah, I don't want that temptation. If I saw my ex in a pic with a new bf, I'd be gutted. Now that you've done the letter and stuck to NC, it's all you can do. If she decides one she made a mistake and wants to reach out, so be it (Although this rarely happens so best not to hold out hope either). Otherwise you have to just stay the course. Good luck to you
Author elits0 Posted May 6, 2010 Author Posted May 6, 2010 Thanks for the good luck wishes. I used to hold onto the hope that maybe someday in the future our paths might cross again because I thought one of our biggest problems was how young we were and how many things there were that we wanted to do. I've let go of that now.. Makes me feel a little bit more empty but once I realized I didn't need her in my life I felt way better. Good luck to you.
LK30 Posted May 6, 2010 Posted May 6, 2010 Hello there. I know exactly how you feel. I don't even know if my ex has got a new bloke, but I always get the feeling she has and I fear the worst as I feel like she's mine still! It's been about 3 months NC and i've stuck with it but not moving forward very quickly. Every other car on the road looks the same as hers so i find my heart beating quite quick whilst driving these days! I just hope it feels better soon - we have no choice but to deal with it i guess!
Author elits0 Posted May 9, 2010 Author Posted May 9, 2010 So yesterday my friend told me he saw my ex in the other guy's car. I had already figured when I went NC again that they would end up back together. So I'm not really surprised that my assumptions were correct. Hopefully she is happy. Then my other friend told me two days ago she was asking how I was doing. I'm not under the impression she asked because she cares about me or anything. I figured she is doing it because she feels guilty or something else. This kind of information isn't healthy for me so I just told me friends that no matter what happens just don't mention her name or anything. At least this isn't as bad as last time when my co-worker told me she said she missed me and thought about me all the time. Which resulted in my breaking NC. I just have to believe she was curious out of guilt.. and accept the truth that she is back with her man.
Odyssey Posted May 9, 2010 Posted May 9, 2010 one step at at time...you'll all get through this. temptation is always there, but will only hurt you. really. your ex isn't pining for you. So you shouldn't either. take care.
Recommended Posts