jennysmi Posted May 6, 2010 Posted May 6, 2010 i've never had a boyfriend EVER. for awhile, i accepted that i was single and i kept myself busy with school (23 units...EEEK!) and started to jog at my nearby park. i've been able to keep myself busy pretty well but it still bothers me! i am by no means the perfect person, but i didn't figure that NO ONE would want to pursue a relationship with me. all of my friends, and i mean all, have had boyfriends at one point or another and most of them are in relationships. i'm tired of being the single friend. i'm not desperate for a boyfriend because i don't jump into relationships for the sake of having one. i'm willing to wait for a good man, but this is getting kinda ridiculous. i thought college was one of the best places to meet people (friends and other relationships alike) but i'm halfway through and i still have no one. to be honest, i don't know what answers i want from the forum. this is more of a expression of my frustration i guess? ..though i do suspect some similar stories/situations or pieces of advice may help. thanks for reading guys.
counterman Posted May 6, 2010 Posted May 6, 2010 Hi, and welcome to LS:) I can tell you now that there are many people in your situation, who have never had a boyfriend/girlfriend. There is nothing wrong with that. A lot of my friends have never been in relationships. I like how you're jogging and keeping yourself busy. It is always good to be committed to something. College is a good place to meet people, but have you met anyone you are interested in?
Kamille Posted May 6, 2010 Posted May 6, 2010 Welcome to LS! You've told us what do to keep busy. What do you do to meet men?
blind_otter Posted May 6, 2010 Posted May 6, 2010 I didn't start dating until I was 19. Worst decision of my life. I should have stayed single.
ADF Posted May 6, 2010 Posted May 6, 2010 College can be a good place to meet people. But on many campuses, dating has been largely replaced by a so-called "hook up culture" that revolves around spantaneous, no-strings encounters with strangers that lead nowhere. Men generally like the hook-up culture; women tend to like it much less. However, even women who hate it sometimes participate because it is the only game in town. I don't know how pervasive hooking up is on your campus. Just be aware that the reason you've not had a BF might have very little to do with you and a lot to do with the prevailing campus culture.
somedude81 Posted May 6, 2010 Posted May 6, 2010 Simple questions to find out why you've been single: Do you consider yourself attractive? Are you heavier than you know you should be? Have men expressed an interest in you?
electricity Posted May 6, 2010 Posted May 6, 2010 I didn't start dating until I turned 23. Don't worry about it; just enjoy life. Use college to grow and discover who YOU are, not to be chained to someone else. Even for awhile after college (I graduated young, at 20) I was the only girl I knew without a boyfriend and while that bothered me, I still wasn't interested in any of the guys I knew/met. Meanwhile, many of the ppl I knew who were in serious relationships in college broke it off afterward when they realized they wanted different things after college. All I missed out on by not dating in college were a few heartbreaks; I have a wonderful bf now.
OpenGL Posted May 6, 2010 Posted May 6, 2010 You are either fat or your standards are too high (likely both).
Sivok Posted May 6, 2010 Posted May 6, 2010 Go out more, take your study time to the library or a local coffee shop. Wear an item of interest like a cool bracelet, necklace, shirt, hat, etc; things that may spark someone's interest. Being in shape helps too, sight is the strongest sense in initial attraction for a guy. For the record, I didn't have my first girlfriend until I was 21. Then again, I guess guys generally tend to date later than girls
Enema Posted May 6, 2010 Posted May 6, 2010 Are you doing anything to go after men, or just waiting for them to do it all?
OpenGL Posted May 6, 2010 Posted May 6, 2010 Are you doing anything to go after men, or just waiting for them to do it all? Do you even have to ask?
SomewhatExperienced Posted May 6, 2010 Posted May 6, 2010 You may have to be a bit more proactive about meeting a guy. Looks can help a lot, but I've known girls who are attractive but can have a hard time meeting guys because they are shy, or simply don't give off a flirty enough nature. Some people aren't flirty at all, and consider it as being polite. This can come off as being completely uninterested in anyone. Few guys will ask you out if they don't think you're interested. Work on just being friendly with guys. Talk to as many as you can, but try to make eye contact and see if you can catch that spark (it's a funny thing that happens when you're interested in a person and their interested in you back. You can feel it.) Once you feel more comfortable flirting then you should meet guys. Plus, if you live by the "the guy must ask ME out" philosophy, you're definitely reducing your chances.
Engadget Posted May 6, 2010 Posted May 6, 2010 I didn't start dating until I was 19. Worst decision of my life. I should have stayed single. Haha, I dated a girl from 18-24 and it was my second relationship. Huge mistake, I thought she was "the one" and she wasn't. Just another cheating liar. Not having had a gf/bf isn't a terrible thing OP. Don't worry about having one until you find someone you want one with. Do you get attention from men besides in a relationship sense?
TheWatcher Posted May 7, 2010 Posted May 7, 2010 jennysmi...I am a 38 yr old guy who has never had a girlfriend,never dated and has yet to have his first kiss. Feel better ? Personally,I think 20 is too young to be concerned about never having a boyfriend...when you hit 30 start worrying.
Kaplan Posted May 7, 2010 Posted May 7, 2010 You are either fat or your standards are too high (likely both). What a jerk! OP, there's nothing wrong with not having had a boyfriend at 19. I just turned 25 and I've never had a boyfriend . . . I am a guy though, admittedly. Seriously though, I've never really been in a relationship, and I'm the most desirable guy on the planet. I think they even gave me an award once . . . Anyway, some people are just more compelled to be in a relationship than others. You said you don't 'jump into relationships just for the sake of having one,' well that's what most people do, and most people are in crumby relationships. I don't envy them, and neither should you. This OpenGL guy is saying your standards might be too high. Your standards are probably just right if you don't want to settle for someone you don't really want.
SincereOnlineGuy Posted May 7, 2010 Posted May 7, 2010 i've never had a boyfriend EVER. for awhile, i accepted that i was single and i kept myself busy with school (23 units...EEEK!) and started to jog at my nearby park. i've been able to keep myself busy pretty well but it still bothers me! i am by no means the perfect person, but i didn't figure that NO ONE would want to pursue a relationship with me. all of my friends, and i mean all, have had boyfriends at one point or another and most of them are in relationships. i'm tired of being the single friend. i'm not desperate for a boyfriend because i don't jump into relationships for the sake of having one. i'm willing to wait for a good man, but this is getting kinda ridiculous. i thought college was one of the best places to meet people (friends and other relationships alike) but i'm halfway through and i still have no one. to be honest, i don't know what answers i want from the forum. this is more of a expression of my frustration i guess? ..though i do suspect some similar stories/situations or pieces of advice may help. thanks for reading guys. Stop it... just keep staying the course (or the courses) and keep your head up, and leave the desperation elsewhere and you will do fine. IF evvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvveryone found a boyfriend/life-partner on the early side of 'average', then the average age of first boyfriend/first marriage would go down at an alarming rate. and unlike in school, neither side of "average" gets you a "D" grade
Author jennysmi Posted May 8, 2010 Author Posted May 8, 2010 sorry for the extremely delayed response. i've been completely packed with school and with finals coming up, i don't know how well i can keep up with these responses haha....so i must apologize in advance for any slacking. i must address the weight issue first, however. although only a select few have addressed this issue, i must say that that is rude! i wholeheartedly believe someone can be big AND beautiful. it's just a matter of how you see yourself. i am not large however, not even in the slightest. i am 5'3", 110 pounds and looooove to work out. on a more positive note, i do agree with almost all of you when you state that 20 is still young to worry about never having a boyfriend. in the back of my mind, i still think that anyone in their 20's or earlier is still in the maturing stage of their life and don't truly know what they want yet. it's just a lonely mindset to keep living by, and i always wonder how long these college relationships will last! who doesn't want to cuddle with someone, you know? i am TOTALLY against hooking up with a guy for those that addressed that issue...i know it happens and it's disgusting. since i won't sleep with them, i bet there are plenty of other willing girls to go around!!
amagordos Posted May 8, 2010 Posted May 8, 2010 I'm 21 and i have only dated one guy in my life. It was for one date only. Never really had a boyfriend either. Maybe we should just stop thinking about it and focusing on ourselves. I also wonder why because I know i'm not ugly at all, i'm just too shy I guess. Guys go for girls they find approachable, so maybe you're not that girl. You may be too intimidating or your giving the wrong signals and body language. If you really want to meet someone try a dating site or put yourself in situations where there are lots of guys. I really can't help you because i am on the same boat as you, but like others here I can relate to you.
gypsy_nicky Posted May 8, 2010 Posted May 8, 2010 You are either fat or your standards are too high (likely both). while put the wrong the way, what gl's saying is actually true to an extent. It does sting to learn that we each have our place on the social ladder. You forgot to address the face. Fat or thin, what about the face? MOst important part imo in terms of beauty.
lino Posted May 8, 2010 Posted May 8, 2010 Could be worse... I'm 28 and haven't had a serious partner before I didn't worry about it back when I was 20, maybe I should have...
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