Separation and kids

[lovingagain]

Okay, I really want the kids to talk to their father. We have just separated and it is really hard. But they are very young and tell him everything, or even things that are not quite true, just what they interpret. Not tactful obviously at the moment when things are really raw. And for me it feels like a spy camera is in the house. How do I stop them just texting rubbish and winding him up without cutting contact. Then they play us against each other knowing that what they say will make one mad against the other. Recently before he left my H has been throwing money at the kids and giving them lots of stuff that he never did before, so that now they feel obliged to tell him everything. They are too young to explain 11/12. My H is not sensible enough to ignore stuff, especially when they say stuff like mum might get a new boyfriend etc. HELP

[Enema]

Your 11 and 12 year olds have mobile phones..... lolwut

 

If you're honest though, how much of what they're saying is true? Is there another man in the picture?

[silverfish]

Kids who have divorced parents need to learn at some point to be diplomatic about what their parents get up to.

 

I know what you mean about having cameras in your house though....they pick up on everything! Maybe say something like....you and their dad aren't together anymore. You're still their Mum / Dad but you aren't a couple and you both have your own private lives.

 

Say that it's important for you all to have your personal space and for everyone to respect that including the kids. You will always tell them what is going on, and you don't expect them to keep secrets, or feel worried about talking to either you or your ex of there is a problem, but other than that you would appreciate it if they respected your privacy by not repeating things unneccessarily.

 

Maybe talk to them about how they and their friends relate to eachother...maybe one of you kids has had something they confided in a friend repeated, or they have had information about themselves misinterpreted and discuss how it made them feel. They will completely get it if you handle it right....good luck:)

[lovingagain]

Yes that is a good idea Silverfish, I shall try that.

And Enigma, I am not talking about saying there is another man in the house, but even the plumber would be guilty to my husband, things can get misinterpreted.