sticky situation... be honest...

[shopgirl7907]

Okay, my boyfriend and I broke up a year and 4 months ago. We were together for 6.5 years and have a child together. A month after we broke up he met a girl at a club and started dating her. They casually dated for about 6 months and then broke it off for 2.5 months and he changed his phone number. Anyhow this past January she showed up at his house and they have been together since. He doesn't live with her. I know she buys him everything and takes him on vacations. The big part of this is that he and I have been sleeping together almost the entire time they have been together. I know that we don't have a relationship and it's just sex. I am okay with that right now because I enjoy it and I'm not dating anyone.

 

I do really want him back though. He says he still loves me but that it has to be totally right before we try a rship again. For referene the root of our breakup was my neglect for myself. I put on weight and gave up on my appearance. He brought it up several times and I ignored it. Then one day I discovered he had slept with a girl from work 2 yrs prior. I know for certain he didn't sleep with her again after that and he said it was a drunken mistake but who knows. I can understand his concern for my appearance. I used to think it was shallow but now I understand. It would be hard to be with someone who all of a sudden let herself go. Well, since that time I have lost 23 lbs (3 pant sizes) and I know he appreciates it. I am still not where I want to be though. I have about 20 lbs to go.

 

Anyways, waht I am worried about is the feelings he has developed for her. I knwo you develop feelings after awhile. I don't talk to him about it bc I don't want to hear it. I just feel like if he has slept with me for their entire rship how good of a rship could it be?

 

He has told me that he thinks about us getting back together and also that if we did he'd want a child (she can't have children). He mentions us getting back together in weird ways like when I was buying a TV he said if we got back together we'd have tons of tvs. weird stuff like that. But more importantly I have an older son (not his) and he takes him regularly. he has said to me that he doesn't want my son to feel he abandoned him and if we were to get back together he'd want my son to know that he'd always been there for him. He buys him things and takes him places.

So, I don't know if I am reading too much into this or if it's possible that it may workout. I am just confused and kind of heart broken.

 

opinions please. sorry for the "essay"!

[ADF]

This man is totally, totally playing you. Like a fiddle. I am stunned. I don't mean to be cruel, but you are THE most naive woman I have ever seen post on this board. By a WIDE margin. No joke.

 

Where do I even start?

 

This man dumps you after a 6.5 year relationship that produced a child, and a month later he is dating someone else. Did it ever occur to you that they met while you were still together? Did you ever consider the possibility your ex was cheating on you with God knows how many other women throughout the entire course of your relationship?

 

What does it say about a man's character when he lets a woman support him and treat him to vacations while he's cheating on her with his ex? Does a man like that strike as an honest person, or an expert liar and con artist?

 

When you continue to sleep with a man who has abandoned you and your child, what message do you think you are sending him? I'll tell you. You're telling him you are so pathetic and needy that you'll put with anything.

 

What kind of example is your behavior setting for your child?

 

I promise you, this man is telling you nothing but lies. He is totally stringing you along while he plays the big macho man, treating woman like trash and still getting them into his bed. He is humiliating you, over and over, every day of your life.

 

I could go on for many more paragraphs, but I won't. Frankly, I think you need psyschaitric help. I hope that for your own sake, and your child's, you get it.

[shopgirl7907]

Seriously ADF, you don't mean to be cruel. You were pretty damn rude. Anyway, I guess this is what I get for posting on a site like this. I am not in anyway saying that my situation is ideal bc I know it isn't but it's not nearly as bad as you make it to sound.

Yes, it occured to me that they met while we were together but I now know for absolute certain that this is not true. No ifs, ands, or buts about it. I also know for certain that he did not cheat on me for the enitre rship. These are things that I am absolutley certain of. I don't really feel the need to deend that to anyone either.

I agree that it's bad charatcer that he cheats on her while she buys him things and takes him places but she does not "support" him. He pays his own bills including child support and makes his won money. When they had been dating for 4 months or so she found out that he's been sleeping with me and she stayed with him.

"pathetic and needy" huh? I am neither of those things. I love this man even though I know that I shouldn't. I have sex with him becasue it beats having sex with others and since I am not in a rship I don't want one night stands.

I think it was inappropriate for you to suggest that I am a bad mother who needs psychiatric help. My son does not know what is going on. he knows that his parents love him and are friendly and that is all. There is not crazy psychotic things happening and things that happen are private.

I only came to this forum as an adult with a situation. I just wanted some mature adults to shed some light on my situation. I didn't need the bashing when I was already down but thanks anyways. I hope someone is there to pour salt on your cuts when you are hurting.

[aerogurl87]

ADF may have been harsh and perhaps a bit rude, but he's telling the honest truth. "The right moment for you two to get back together" will never come. There'll always be one excuse after another and even if you two do get back together, you can bet he's gonna cheat on you again. I mean if he did it to you once, is doing it to this new girl he's with, he's gonna do it again if you two ever become a couple again.

[ADF]

Seriously ADF, you don't mean to be cruel. You were pretty damn rude. Anyway, I guess this is what I get for posting on a site like this. I am not in anyway saying that my situation is ideal bc I know it isn't but it's not nearly as bad as you make it to sound.

Yes, it occured to me that they met while we were together but I now know for absolute certain that this is not true. No ifs, ands, or buts about it. I also know for certain that he did not cheat on me for the enitre rship. These are things that I am absolutley certain of. I don't really feel the need to deend that to anyone either.

I agree that it's bad charatcer that he cheats on her while she buys him things and takes him places but she does not "support" him. He pays his own bills including child support and makes his won money. When they had been dating for 4 months or so she found out that he's been sleeping with me and she stayed with him.

"pathetic and needy" huh? I am neither of those things. I love this man even though I know that I shouldn't. I have sex with him becasue it beats having sex with others and since I am not in a rship I don't want one night stands.

I think it was inappropriate for you to suggest that I am a bad mother who needs psychiatric help. My son does not know what is going on. he knows that his parents love him and are friendly and that is all. There is not crazy psychotic things happening and things that happen are private.

I only came to this forum as an adult with a situation. I just wanted some mature adults to shed some light on my situation. I didn't need the bashing when I was already down but thanks anyways. I hope someone is there to pour salt on your cuts when you are hurting.

 

You cannot ask for honest opinions then lash out in anger when you get negative feedback. Well, you can, but then what is the point of asking for honesty? Your response doesn't surprise me. You will go on believing whatever peases you. Good luck.