SadandConfusedWA Posted May 8, 2010 Posted May 8, 2010 I have moved around a lot and had to start over with making friends each time, so this is what I do: Step 1: Find a girl or girls that you feel like you would want to get to know better. This could be from class, a random party or anywhere. Step 2: Exchange contact details. Facebook is low key and great. In pre-facebook days I would just say something like "Let's swap phone numbers, we should hang out sometime!". Girls that I met have always been receptive to that. Note that as a straight girl, if a girl that looks to be straight wanted to hang out with me, the thought that she wants to hook up would be the last on my mind. I would only think that if a girl is obviously gay. Step 3: Wait a week or so and text or facebook her to say something low key like let's catch up for a coffee sometime. Mention something that you talked about if you wish or even just coffee line is good. Step 4: When you hang out, you will find out quickly if you connect. I found a great way to build a connection is to share something personal about myself which will encourage the girl to open up. Talking about guys or that you broke up with your bf is alwys good. So is movies, fashion, music, gossip etc... If she shares anything personal, act really interested and ask her lots of questions. If you are lucky, she might invite you to something with her other friends and you could be adopted by a great group of friends instantly and it will completly open up your social life (this is what happened to me). Don't be afraid to mention that you don't know many people here etc.. Step 5: Don't flake. It is important to follow through with things in the initial stage of the friendship . Step 6: I am willing to initiate a lot at the start and I will text every now and then or invite her to something like movie, party etc... Step 7: If after couple of months you are doing all the initiating then she is not that instersted in the friendship and it is time to move on.
Author shadowplay Posted May 9, 2010 Author Posted May 9, 2010 Ha, I'm still drafting this message (put it on the backburner for a bit). This is what I have so far. Hey ----, Sorry I missed your show. How did it go?? We should grab coffee some time if you're still around! Maybe some time this week? -Shadow I read it to my male friend and he said it sounded "ambiguously gay" I was wondering if adding this line might help: "I'm trying to expand my circle of friends, and you seem cool" or just "I'm trying to expand my circle of friends."
Ruby Slippers Posted May 9, 2010 Posted May 9, 2010 That doesn't sound gay! I think your message is perfect. To the point, not pushy, definitely not gay.
SadandConfusedWA Posted May 9, 2010 Posted May 9, 2010 It's perfect shadow and so not gay. Don't add antything about expanding your circle of friends just keep it short.
Ariadne Posted May 9, 2010 Posted May 9, 2010 Ahhhh... That makes me relived that I've at least found my soulmate friend. Shadow, if that girl that doesn't even know you blasted in front of the class her excitement that you'd be in town and asked you to call.. Then she'd be thrilled if you ever even message her in FB. Just say hi and it'll go from there, it sounds good. Too bad about S guy but it seems like you are getting over pretty fast.
Ariadne Posted May 9, 2010 Posted May 9, 2010 I read it to my male friend and he said it sounded "ambiguously gay" Sounds good. Btw, I've had girls at work invite me like that and I never thought they were "gay". I just thought they needed friends.
CLC2008 Posted May 9, 2010 Posted May 9, 2010 Ha, I'm still drafting this message (put it on the backburner for a bit). This is what I have so far. Hey ----, Sorry I missed your show. How did it go?? We should grab coffee some time if you're still around! Maybe some time this week? -Shadow I read it to my male friend and he said it sounded "ambiguously gay" I was wondering if adding this line might help: "I'm trying to expand my circle of friends, and you seem cool" or just "I'm trying to expand my circle of friends." There is absolutely nothing wrong with what you wrote. So, don't let your male friend's comment sway you. I'm rooting for ya!!
SadandConfusedWA Posted May 9, 2010 Posted May 9, 2010 Ahhhh... That makes me relived that I've at least found my soulmate friend. Awwww me too
Author shadowplay Posted May 10, 2010 Author Posted May 10, 2010 Well, I sent her the message yesterday afternoon. Haven't heard back and assuming I probably won't. I hope my message didn't weird her out. Maybe it was inappropriate since we're only acquaintances. I dunno, I thought she'd be receptive since she's so friendly but whatever. At least I tried. *shrug*
SadandConfusedWA Posted May 10, 2010 Posted May 10, 2010 Well, I sent her the message yesterday afternoon. Haven't heard back and assuming I probably won't. I hope my message didn't weird her out. Maybe it was inappropriate since we're only acquaintances. I dunno, I thought she'd be receptive since she's so friendly but whatever. At least I tried. *shrug* Don't internalize. It was completly appropriate and you did the right thing. I think that you have this irrational fear of creeping people out. I have the same fear but only with men I am attracted to. She could still respond, but if she doesn't it's most likely because she has a lot of friends already so she doesn't care much for making a new one.
Ruby Slippers Posted May 10, 2010 Posted May 10, 2010 Well, I sent her the message yesterday afternoon. Haven't heard back and assuming I probably won't. I hope my message didn't weird her out. Maybe it was inappropriate since we're only acquaintances. I dunno, I thought she'd be receptive since she's so friendly but whatever. At least I tried. *shrug* Also, don't put all your hopes for friendship in this one person. The world is full of ladies who would love to have good friends but don't.
MissJoness Posted May 10, 2010 Posted May 10, 2010 (edited) That sucks. Yeah, a lot of friends are flakey imo, but I guess the more you make, the less you have to worry about the flakey ones. The thing I don't understand is how you kind of invite people to hang out in a non-awkward way. Any ideas? Well, I make female friends rather easy. If you go to church or belong to some type of organization or having a party ask them to go along with you. I wouldn't take that the wrong way because its not unusual at all. How can I make it obvious to the non-gay ones that I'm not romantically interested and just looking to make friends? they dont even know you are bi in the first place. its really common for girls to ask each other out to a party to hang out or invite them to church or to a summer picnic. they wont even suspect you are bi. the only way they will think you are interested is if you start hitting on them or making oogly eyes like you are in love with them Edited May 10, 2010 by MissJoness
Author shadowplay Posted May 10, 2010 Author Posted May 10, 2010 Whatever, I don't feel too bad about it. I guess I"ll just keep trying to meet other girls. But I realized this is kind of the reason it's easier for me to "befriend" or "date" guys. With guys I can usually count on my moderate level of attractiveness being an incentive for them wanting to get to know me if I make an approach...with girls I got nothing. I'm smart, and I guess pretty interesting once you get to know me...but on the surface I'm just kind of shy and awkward.
MissJoness Posted May 10, 2010 Posted May 10, 2010 Whatever, I don't feel too bad about it. I guess I"ll just keep trying to meet other girls. But I realized this is kind of the reason it's easier for me to "befriend" or "date" guys. With guys I can usually count on my moderate level of attractiveness being an incentive for them wanting to get to know me if I make an approach...with girls I got nothing. I'm smart, and I guess pretty interesting once you get to know me...but on the surface I'm just kind of shy and awkward. Its the opposite for me I find the girls can be just as shallow as guys at times when it comes to befreinding those of the same sex. I've had girls who became friends/acquainted with me because they liked my hair, how I styled it or how I did my makeup, thought I was pretty. they wanted to get to know me because maybe they will fiind out where i get my makeup from, who does my hair, or something like that. sometimes your looks can be an incentive for a girl to get to know you to as a friend but iin a different way. someetimes they admire you and want to hang out with you because they like how you look, but not in a sexual way. they want to emulate you. occassions I've became acquainted with girls only for htem to come to work the next day with a similar hairstyle. i hate that. then there are a lot of girls who wont want to hang out with you because your looks are a threat to them. it really depends
Ariadne Posted May 11, 2010 Posted May 11, 2010 Well, I sent her the message yesterday afternoon. Haven't heard back and assuming I probably won't. I hope my message didn't weird her out. Maybe it was inappropriate since we're only acquaintances. I dunno, I thought she'd be receptive since she's so friendly but whatever. At least I tried. *shrug* That sucks. Well, what can you do, people. Good luck though, she might still write.
Author shadowplay Posted May 12, 2010 Author Posted May 12, 2010 She hasn't written and she's been all over facebook making updates and commenting on friends' photos (it's in my feed). WTF. Was it weird for me to ask her? Even if she's busy or already has enough friends, it seems rather impolite for her not to respond when I made a nice gesture. I could see if I was some guy asking her out, but... This is discouraging me about asking other girls on platonic "dates." I don't know anybody as more than an acquaintance so it will always be a little bit awkward. I just don't want to get shot down over and over. Is there a better approach?
SadandConfusedWA Posted May 13, 2010 Posted May 13, 2010 She hasn't written and she's been all over facebook making updates and commenting on friends' photos (it's in my feed). WTF. Was it weird for me to ask her? Even if she's busy or already has enough friends, it seems rather impolite for her not to respond when I made a nice gesture. I could see if I was some guy asking her out, but... This is discouraging me about asking other girls on platonic "dates." I don't know anybody as more than an acquaintance so it will always be a little bit awkward. I just don't want to get shot down over and over. Is there a better approach? Well, it's her loss as you would make a great friend. I think that this is pretty much the only way to approach, other than asking in person. You should just move on to the next girl. Also, she might still reply - some people read a message and don't reply instantly but think things over first.
Author shadowplay Posted May 13, 2010 Author Posted May 13, 2010 Well, it's her loss as you would make a great friend. Aww, thanks.
Author shadowplay Posted May 25, 2010 Author Posted May 25, 2010 Is it a bad idea for me to message another female acquaintance who I seem to have a lot in common with but always seems a bit awkward around me as if I make her uncomfortable? Or should I just do it anyway? Never heard back from the other girl, but according to her facebook she's just moved permanently, so maybe that's why she didn't bother. I'm also trying other things. I may have I found a new place to live with cool people (will hear back for certain tomorrow), and I'm going to a new club meeting on Wednesday night. Also looking into yoga classes, etc.
Author shadowplay Posted May 25, 2010 Author Posted May 25, 2010 Sigh, so I messaged her early tonight and she hasn't gotten back to me...and based on my luck probably won't. Also, the people who told me I might be living with them chose somebody else. Here's what he wrote: We really enjoyed meeting you yesterday and it seems like you'd be a great roommate. A friend actually just got back to us and was interested in taking the room, and we decided to give it to her. I feel like you'd be a wonderful friend if you stay in the area. What do you think about grabbing a beer sometime soon if you stay in area? Hope the search goes well and I apologize for leading you on earlier. I can't tell if he genuinely wants to be my friend or if he's just being polite because he feels guilty about leading me on with the house thing earlier (he originally told me I had the place all excitedly, and then had to retract when he talked to the other housemates and realized there was one more person to show it to). I'm kind of desperate for friends, so should I take him up on his offer, or just assume he's being polite? I can't tell. Grr.
Author shadowplay Posted May 25, 2010 Author Posted May 25, 2010 Girl didn't get back to me. But I wrote back to that guy: sure i'd love to grab a beer. And he responded: Hey Shadow, I'm disappointed as well. Definitely got a good feeling about you. Let's do something soon! How's Thursday? Should I go? I don't know if he's just being polite, or what. Blah. I feel like it's only guys who ever want to hang out. [COLOR=#888888] [/COLOR]
Author shadowplay Posted May 25, 2010 Author Posted May 25, 2010 Is he cute? I think he is hitting on you! Yeah, he's cute.
Author shadowplay Posted May 26, 2010 Author Posted May 26, 2010 So second girl got back to me, and she seems sort of interested in hanging, out...though it's hard to tell. But at least she didn't ignore my message. We'll see. Also, internship guys got back to me and will be meeting with them again on Friday. Things are looking better.
Author shadowplay Posted May 27, 2010 Author Posted May 27, 2010 not sure what to make of this correspondence with that girl I message. she's trying to be friendly, but she clearly evaded my invite. should i propose a specific time to get coffee or just forget about it? I've pasted the correspondence below... Sorry for asking help so much on all this minutiae, but I have such little social experience that I could really use it... Me: Hey M, If you're in the area over the summer we should hang out some time and get coffee. You're the only other girl I know who's also interested in movie-making/documentaries, and I always wanted to get to know you better. -Shadow Her: Right on. I live here. I am working five days a week - bummer. Have any videos you're working on? M then she sent this the next day before I responded to her first message: Oh, and, where are you living in [this town]? Me: I live off ---- Street, but trying to find a place closer to the center of town. Yeah, I just started planning the script for a short film I'm doing for my BFA thesis show next ----. It's really early in the process, so I'm not completely sure what it's going to be about but I'm reading a lot of short stories, etc. for inspiration. What about you? Her: Cool. My boyfriend is moving into a place wicked close tot eh center. So I'll be there a lot. I hope. BFA thesis. Cool. Have you got any ideas yet? I guess let me know if you need crew help. I'm trying to edit this documentary. It's taking a long time because I am writing the music and it's just really difficult. I'm trying to think up a thesis myself. Not too much good ideas. That bit and working. Let me know if you want to work on something, or what not. -M
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