That_girl Posted May 6, 2010 Posted May 6, 2010 I am wondering...Does coping become harder to handle as time goes on? My ex left me about four months, and I really think I have been coping admirably. I've been making new friends, staying active and social, and recently took up yoga. (I have to add that yoga works wonders for stress and relaxation...I'm hooked) However....there is still this nagging doubt that I'll never have those feelings again for anyone EVER again. I know that people get really lonely after a break-up, but I really do realize that I loved this man. I know that my feelings were real because I still hope that he's happy, even though he was a total **** to me before we broke up. He broke up with me through voicemail....after 3 years! And he never looked back after that night, not even to ask me if I was alright after standing on his doorstep, A MESS, crying at midnight to beg him not to do this. So you see....I'm still quite angry, but I can't totally hate him. I did my part as well. As the months go by and the likelihood of him being with someone else gets higher and higher, and the mere thought of it makes me want to vomit. I'm so not over this yet, and the loneliness is awful. I can handle this though....If there's one thing that I've realized....It's that I'm stronger than I thought I was.
skydiveaddict Posted May 6, 2010 Posted May 6, 2010 To answer your question, coping becomes easier as time passes...It just may not seem like that right now. but you will bee ok
teanoranges Posted May 6, 2010 Posted May 6, 2010 I think there are also stages of relapse, dramatic relapses too. One day, you'll be on top of the world... the next you are waking up to a stuffy nose.. eyes the size of golf balls that you can't see out of let alone put in your contacts... and just no desire to get out of bed. But there comes a time when you hit your lowest and the only way to go from there is up... and you never quite get that low again.. For me, my healing was okay... then painful... then ok... and now, I'm at that 'what's the point in stressing about it... things work out sooner or later and I'll live' point... keep your chin up.
blind_otter Posted May 6, 2010 Posted May 6, 2010 It comes in waves. At first the waves crash against you over and over with little time in between to recover. Then as time passes they get further and further apart. But the waves themeselves are still relatively intense. But you recover more between each wave. After a while they get so far apart you barely notice.
USMCHokie Posted May 6, 2010 Posted May 6, 2010 Yep...I'd have to agree with all the previous posts...think of it as a roller coaster...with ups and downs...as your relationship grows and matures, the roller coaster climbs up that hill...the longer the relationship, the longer the climb and the higher you go...but when that breakup happens, that's when the drop happens...and the higher you are at the top, the farther you fall down below... But you know that what falls must eventually come up...and the roller coaster will eventually make it's way back up another hill...perhaps not as tall as the first hill, but it will go up...and you will being to feel better...but you may have another fall...or perhaps you'll coast over a flat spot for a while...but always know that the car must go back up...eventually, the ups and downs get smaller...until enough time passes and you finally get off the roller coaster... And then climb into another one...
blind_otter Posted May 6, 2010 Posted May 6, 2010 And then climb into another one... Blah that makes me feel tired.
velouria123 Posted May 6, 2010 Posted May 6, 2010 To breakup after 3 years via voicemail is probably the lamest thing I've ever heard. He did you a favor sweetheart. Keep your head up and know that time will heal. Be patient, Rome wasn't built in a day.
Author That_girl Posted May 6, 2010 Author Posted May 6, 2010 Thanks everyone! I realize that things will get better eventually. It's more the fact that I've lost my spirit that bothers me. I don't have any trust left, for anyone. And I wasn't exactly the most trusting person before this happened. I loved the whole rollercoaster analogy. And yeah, voicemail!!!!! It was literally like 5 minutes after I left his house. He didn't have the nerve to end it during the argument....he had to wait until I had left to end it on a voicemail.
northstar1 Posted May 6, 2010 Posted May 6, 2010 Thanks everyone! I realize that things will get better eventually. It's more the fact that I've lost my spirit that bothers me. I don't have any trust left, for anyone. And I wasn't exactly the most trusting person before this happened. I loved the whole rollercoaster analogy. And yeah, voicemail!!!!! It was literally like 5 minutes after I left his house. He didn't have the nerve to end it during the argument....he had to wait until I had left to end it on a voicemail. This all has been spot on advice. It is very tough. Coping isn't linear in my experience. As the brain is slowly overwriting or losing the neural pathways associated with your ex (the memories, the emotional associations to objects, sights, places, sounds, smells etc), sometimes you being to struggle when you realize it is disappearing and really will be gone for good. You get used to those bonds and even during suffering, your brain also gets used to the feelings of being down.
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