Vanessa-Anne Posted May 8, 2010 Posted May 8, 2010 She needs to know the truth. Better now than few more years/months down the line when you are move involved/in love and she finds out.
Engadget Posted May 8, 2010 Posted May 8, 2010 honestly, I would tend to agree that more men cheat. And I saw some stats at a couple places that would seem to reconcile that. But the percentages weren't so far apart that it really makes any difference. it was close enough to say that both cheat pretty much the same. Now the total bulls##t I always hear is: When a man cheats, he is just a selfish pr!ck. When a woman cheats, its because her man is just a selfish pr!ck. Man cheats, he is a dog....woman cheats, then there must be a good reason and we should treat her with kid gloves. ok, even though everyone does it, sorry for the t/j I guarantee just as many women cheat. I mean how can you get an accurate number? Many may lie and say they haven't.
SarahRose Posted May 9, 2010 Posted May 9, 2010 If I know her as well as I think I do, she hasn't and wouldn't cheated. I almost kind of wish she does now after what I've done, but I'm 90% sure she hasn't. Really? I was late teen and early 20s and I found it very hard to stay monogamous as did the majority of the girls I knew. We just didn't go around broadcasting it. Trip overseas, trips to the club and meeting new guys, a few drinks too many and bam you find yourself in bed with some hottie. Most men think like you though. They can't fathom their gf cheating on them. she very likely did and was at least in the club snogging with other guys.
SarahRose Posted May 9, 2010 Posted May 9, 2010 That's not the way I meant it.. I meant.. when two young people are together.. they haven't been together for long enough (10+ years).. so they haven't had the time to get bored as much with each other.. etc... While in the honeymoon (lust) phase.. it's very uncommon for men AND women to cheat.. Oh come on Lizzie you didn't partake in the free love that was going on when you were late teens and early 20s?
Lizzie60 Posted May 9, 2010 Posted May 9, 2010 Oh come on Lizzie you didn't partake in the free love that was going on when you were late teens and early 20s? I was single back then...
dazzle22 Posted May 9, 2010 Posted May 9, 2010 Well, I think you have experienced a strange type of curse, which is to meet 'the One' (or one of the 'ones' )too early in life, before you have had a chance to sow your wild oats. You can meet an awesome person, but if you are not in the place in life where you are mentally ready to settle down, you will often sabotage it. In my opinion, that is what has happened to you. Now you are really in a pickle, because she will notice something. Women are very good at 'sniffing' stuff like this out. You likely will lose her, but maybe if you play your cards right, things might come around again later in life, but certainly no guarantees.
Author dojokun Posted May 9, 2010 Author Posted May 9, 2010 Really? I was late teen and early 20s and I found it very hard to stay monogamous as did the majority of the girls I knew. We just didn't go around broadcasting it. Trip overseas, trips to the club and meeting new guys, a few drinks too many and bam you find yourself in bed with some hottie. Most men think like you though. They can't fathom their gf cheating on them. she very likely did and was at least in the club snogging with other guys. Well when she's back next month I'll let you know, but I'd bet big odds she hasn't cheated on me, be it sex, a snog etc. True, it might be because I "can't fathom" the idea, but I'd be highly surprised. And if she did, there is no way she'd be able to hide from me because she's a terrible liar. It would certainly be an interesting twist if she has cheated. Well, I think you have experienced a strange type of curse, which is to meet 'the One' (or one of the 'ones' )too early in life, before you have had a chance to sow your wild oats. You can meet an awesome person, but if you are not in the place in life where you are mentally ready to settle down, you will often sabotage it. In my opinion, that is what has happened to you. Now you are really in a pickle, because she will notice something. Women are very good at 'sniffing' stuff like this out. You likely will lose her, but maybe if you play your cards right, things might come around again later in life, but certainly no guarantees. I totally agree with your first paragraph. But I'm definitely not ready to settle down yet and nor is she. I didn't mean to sabotage it, what I did was not pre-meditated. Like you say if I met her ten years later, easily would have been marriage material. It is a pickle indeed. If I do end up telling her it won't be right away as soon as she's back, as that would destroy the last four months of fun she has had. I've killed it with the other girl now and I'm relatively sure she wouldn't find out through other channels. Interesting this has stirred up such an interesting conversation. I always said I would never cheat on any girl, as I just couldn't. Having actually done it now, I do tend to agree with whoever said it earlier that all men cheat; at some point I believe they will. Whether it's once to get it out of your system or just continuously, I strongly believe now everyone has it in them.
pandagirl Posted May 11, 2010 Posted May 11, 2010 Interesting this has stirred up such an interesting conversation. I always said I would never cheat on any girl, as I just couldn't. Having actually done it now, I do tend to agree with whoever said it earlier that all men cheat; at some point I believe they will. Whether it's once to get it out of your system or just continuously, I strongly believe now everyone has it in them. Not all men or women cheat. I'm sure everyone "has it in them," as desire is a feeling that never goes away, but with enough life experience and maturity, you learn to not be selfish and do what's best for your partner. You cheated THREE times. You clearly did not *want* to exert self-restraint. You make it seem like it was beyond your control. You're very young, so is your GF. Do her a favor and let her dump you.
SarahRose Posted June 17, 2010 Posted June 17, 2010 So what happened? Did you tell her that you cheated when she got back?
LSNoob Posted June 18, 2010 Posted June 18, 2010 (edited) Really? I was late teen and early 20s and I found it very hard to stay monogamous as did the majority of the girls I knew. We just didn't go around broadcasting it. Trip overseas, trips to the club and meeting new guys, a few drinks too many and bam you find yourself in bed with some hottie. Most men think like you though. They can't fathom their gf cheating on them. she very likely did and was at least in the club snogging with other guys. That's not true, you referring to the wrong group of girls . Not all girls behave like that , certainly not the ones labeled as good girls. Don't wanna be calling other people names. Sounds like a cheater to me Been unfaithful to someone, who loved you and trusted you, before Sarah? Edited June 18, 2010 by LSNoob spelling check
forevertoday Posted June 20, 2010 Posted June 20, 2010 Funny how your situation is somewhat similar to mine (had a post few weeks ago look it up through my profile) , though I haven't gone that far in being a cheating bastard.
AttillatheHun Posted June 20, 2010 Posted June 20, 2010 (edited) Find me the stats where it says that more women cheat... A lot more men cheat.. (mid age to older) Very young guy.. I can understand.. everything is sooo new... so it,s easier for them to stay faithful for a few years.. A lot more men cheat.. a lot more women forgive and stay with their cheater.. more and more younger women cheat... I'll give you that.. Most older women lose interest in sex (low libido) so I doubt they would go out there to have sex.. Those are facts.. Wow. Don't you just love ignorance? First, she says this- Find me the stats where it says that more women cheat... Then she has the audacity to present her assumptions as fact without first backing them up- A lot more men cheat.. (mid age to older) A lot more men cheat.. a lot more women forgive and stay with their cheater.. more and more younger women cheat... I'll give you that..Most older women lose interest in sex (low libido) so I doubt they would go out there to have sex.. Put in the nicest way possible, you are an idiot. Cheating is one thing, but ignorance of this extent is just as bad. Edited June 20, 2010 by AttillatheHun
Author dojokun Posted August 24, 2010 Author Posted August 24, 2010 I feel I should come back and just explain what has happened. I don't really know why I feel I should, but hey-ho. She has returned and she is still crazy in love with me. I'm 99% certain she didn't cheat when she was out there. However, she had changed slightly as a person and has become much more clingy. I had a business trip to the States in July, and the week before I was incredibly close to breaking up with her, she was driving me insane. Suffice to say, I cheated on her when I was away. Don't know why other than I was drunk. I won't go through the whole story as it makes me feel sick even thinking about it but such is life. Fast forward to last week, and she had noticed that something in me had changed. We talked for an extended period of time and we basically agreed that things weren't really the same anymore, but not for a reason we could establish. Two days later, I officially break up with her. She is devastated, heartbroken and doesn't understand where it all went wrong, other than because she went away and the Pill she was on was affecting her mood. Being the cowardly bastard I am, I don't have it in me to tell her the truth. Having seen how she reacted that we were breaking up, I honestly fear she could do harm to herself if she found out right now. She cried, I cried, but I know it's the right thing to do, though I haven't explained to her the right reasons. You are all going to hate on me further for being such a coward and I appreciate that, I've got it in the neck already from a girl at work. I can't get over my level of regret and "guttedness" at what has happened. I realise I miss her deeply, but I'm a dick and don't deserve her. I haven't cried since I was about 9, but this hit me hard. I think it's probably more the fact that I can't tell her exactly why my heart was no longer in the relationship. I know that if she knew it'd make getting over me easier, but I don't want her to hate me (yup, selfish too). I've taken a long, hard look at myself these last few days and will never do it again. Cheating seems like a fun/exciting/naughty/gotta-be-done-once thing, but it's really not. Despite what you've read, I'm a nice guy at heart, corrupted by drink and drunken love. I'm in a self-loathe state right now. I hate the person I have become, and I will ensure that I never dance with the devil like that again. It's really not worth it. I can express myself on here much better due to the anonymity the internet brings, and putting my thoughts onto a random forum will hopefully help in time. Thanks for reading and thanks for the feedback. I expect no positives and that is what I fully deserve. Any questions, please ask.
TaraMaiden Posted August 25, 2010 Posted August 25, 2010 Two words of advice: ONE: Find a counsellor to try to get to the bottom of why you self-sabotage. TWO: QUIT DRINKING. Not 'cut down', not 'ease up', not 'less'..... QUIT. At least for six months, or a year. Because, when you drink, you are a complete and total utter jerk. But when you're sober, you probably are a very nice guy.
NYCmitch25 Posted August 25, 2010 Posted August 25, 2010 (edited) Two words of advice: ONE: Find a counsellor to try to get to the bottom of why you self-sabotage. TWO: QUIT DRINKING. Not 'cut down', not 'ease up', not 'less'..... QUIT. At least for six months, or a year. Because, when you drink, you are a complete and total utter jerk. But when you're sober, you probably are a very nice guy. OK sure this is all fine and dandy, and I'm sure calling him a chronic cheater, a typical man cheater, a drug abuser, and forth is nice as well but it really shows how a lot of time people judge others through their own lenses and not entirely objectively per se. Sure if we swing wildly at the gambit of possibilities we'll eventually get it right but the process yields a tremendous amount of bad advice and opinion. On to hopefully some better advice - OK mate, it sounds like the cat is largely going to come out of the bag, is that correct? Do you think if you don't tell her that she won't find out from friends or even this other person? Can you take that risk in good faith? Also, what troubles me is that she was merely away for 3 months, it kind of makes it hard to assert that simply long distance relationships don't work out. Then again, they don't, it's not my opinion, it's fact backed up by science. Probably if you were cognizant of that fact you would have told her "all bets are off" when she left in the first place "realistically speaking" of course. I'm not excusing the behaviour and personally I would have tried to not set myself up for failure in such a way but it happened, you had a chance to feel alive for one night and went for it. For others to simply assert that men are just these marauding gangs sex addicts is just far off. I think you have a few options: 1> Tell her nothing. May seem cruel but honestly that is an option most people take, I've even seen people say never own up to anything. And it does work. Though having her find out some other way will spell certain disaster. 2> Tell her everything. Just pour your heart out. Hmm, that is a hard pill to swallow, seems like a lose lose to me. If you do this, I wouldn't wait, I would call her and in form her immediately. 3> Tell her something in between. You could assert on one call that if she is away the cat may play. Then later elude to the fact that the cat did play. You could tell her some lesser degree of the whole story (i.e. made out, hand job etc.). I'm sure most people on face value are not going to like this option but it does soften the blow a bit. Everyone is naturally going to say they want the truth, because they think they can HANDLE the truth. For me, honestly I don't think I would want to know. Of course a BIG part of me would REALLY want to know but I don't think I would benefit from it. I guess you have a tough call to make here, I wish I could make it for you but you'll need to figure this one out on your own.. good luck with things. PS> make sure you don't have any STDs don't pass that on to her either, thats really evil. Edited August 25, 2010 by NYCmitch25
NYCmitch25 Posted August 25, 2010 Posted August 25, 2010 Dude I normally wouldn't say this but gee you two are very very young. It is hard for young people to stay monogamous. Don't worry about what you did. Just make sure you didn't get an std from it. I guarantee that she is doing the same thing with a 3 month trip down under with some hot surfer guy(s). Don't worry about it. Forgive each other and move on. Hey Sarah Rose, would you like to come to New York for 3 months ? HA HA HA
TaraMaiden Posted August 26, 2010 Posted August 26, 2010 Ok.... somegirl0....are you in the wrong thread, or something...? :confused:
GorillaTheater Posted August 26, 2010 Posted August 26, 2010 Ok.... somegirl0....are you in the wrong thread, or something...? :confused: I pick "something". http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t242612/
TaraMaiden Posted August 26, 2010 Posted August 26, 2010 Yeah, I checked her profile after I posted here, just to see.... Man that is scary.... I gauge myself as 'relatively level-headed' now...
meerkat stew Posted August 26, 2010 Posted August 26, 2010 Find me the stats where it says that more women cheat... The numbers are narrowing every year, female cheating is on the rise, and if the trend continues, will surpass male cheating within the next decade. But the "male cheating v female cheating" numbers are largely irrelevant. True or false? Every cheater has a partner. True or false? A wedding ring on a man's hand generally increases women's sexual interest in him. True or false? Targeting a married person, regardless of whether one is married or single oneself, is equivalent to cheating, and just as morally culpable. Assuming that OP will continue to cheat because he is male, and that his GF has not cheated because she is female, is definitely sexist if not altogether misandrist. To the topic, OP break up with your GF. You are obviously not ready for a committed monogamous relationship. Up to you whether you tell her of your cheating, but in your case and at her age, I probably wouldn't. Just cut her loose and spare her more emotional damage than is necessary.
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